Michelle Wie GACKS! 1 Foot Putt

Okay, so it was probably 18 inches. BUT SHE MISSED THE ENTIRE HOLE! Egad. Love Judy Rankin saying she needs to ditch those welders goggles while putting. Good idea. She also needs a shrink.

I hate to pile on "young" Michelle (I mean, she's ONLY 23, you know) but the attendant hype for this girl was so off the charts stupid, that somebody HAS to chronicle the poor girl's downward Capriati-like spiral, born from overbearing parents and a sense of entitlement.

Shame, because she has talent. It's just that her milking of the hype machine for $$$, ended up ruining what should have been a long, great career.

Vintage Masters Program

Nothing to get you in the mood for the "Mahstahs," like an auction of the VERY FIRST "toonamint" program. If you have a cool $15,000 grand jingling around, you may be able to take this rare artifact home!

Or not.

Apparently, the bidding started at $500 and has skyrocketed since. The program is in "mint" condition, so don't drip your pimento/cheese sandwich on it. The backstory is that the program was originally used to help recruit propsective "mehmbah's" to join.

Can you imagine now, if they printed the names and photos of "Auguhstah mehmbah's" in a program available to the public? Martha Burke would personally organize an "Occupy" rally in every one of their front lawns!

Dear Browns...

And the NFL is gonna have to get their arms around this problem too... because it is not isolated to the Clevelands of the league...

I Will Not Bow To "The Shield"

The NFL has come down with the Death Penalty for the Saints.

To date, no coach in the history of the league has been suspended for even a single game. Sean Payton gets 1 year. A year!

Perfect.

I warned everyone about Goodell, a long, long time ago. So my conscience is clean.

This guy is not just not that smart, his ego is apparently the size of Montana.

It's all about HIM, and what HE has done to improve player safety, and about how HE was "lied" to, and HIM, HIM, HIM!

I don't know if Sean Payton and the Saints "lied" to the commish during this "investigation." The league just implies that they did. The 10,000 page "investigation" and report on this matter, is not yet downloadable via PDF for us to make our own conclusions. And it never will.

So if YOU just want to take this league's word on it, then go ahead.

Most writers, columnists and talking heads who cover the NFL, have done just that, applauding the penalty as "harsh" but "right."

It's like they are sitting with their legs crossed on the floor watching and clapping for the NFL's little puppet show. The real story, is that the NFL is running scared - very scared - about these concussion lawsuits. So throwing the Saints under the bus is a cheap price for some litigation insurance.

Which means, I'm just rooting for the lawsuits now.

I hope this league gets it's ASS handed to it in court, in a little Chinese takeout box.

Of course there's a reason why many supposedly "independent" media outlets/journalists/pundits/talking heads are just mindlessly applauding the draconian penalties. It doesn't pay to be against this league, and this commissioner, in any way...... ANY....

Not that the NFL could get a columnist fired, but if you cover the NFL, who wants doors closing and calls going un-returned just because you have staked out a hard position that makes the NFL look bad?

Luckily, a few smart people out there aren't just buying Goodell's punishment hook, line, and sinker.

Randy Galloway of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram cuts to the chase....

When Goodell was finally finished, the New Orleans Saints were placed in a commissioner-induced coma for the 2012 season, and the beating was so severe recovery after even one season is certainly not guaranteed, or even expected.

Oohs and aahs were heard from a shocked yet pleased national media, and this was followed by appreciative standing O's in print.

That'll teach 'em. That'll also send the message that the NFL is no place for organized violence if it comes in the form of "bounty" incentives. Goodell stopped that stuff, huh?

The Saints, as an organization, received the toughest overall penalty in the history of the league, and the toughest in any sport since the death penalty ruling against SMU.

We can, of course, use that SMU thing as a guideline, because 25 years later, the death penalty has never been used again by the NCAA, which certainly indicates to me that any form of cheating in college football ended immediately when the ruling came down in 1987.

At least I can't recall any cheating scandals in college football, can you?

Based on Goodell's explanation, he said he was lied to by the Saints when the "bounty" investigation first began, and that his original order to end the bounties was ignored for two years.For that -- the lying, and ignoring orders -- Goodell obviously blamed Payton more than anyone else in the Saints' organization.

Again, we've only heard Goodell's side of the "lying" story, and because he's the NFL version of judge, jury and also the appellate court (appeals are accepted by the NFL, but Goodell hears the appeal of his own rulings) is it wise for anyone found guilty to speak up in protest?

REACT: Thank you, Randy. THANK YOU. That's EXACTLY it. For numbnuts who say "well, Payton hasn't disputed any of this...." just think about it. IT DOES YOU NO GOOD! Not only do you have to re-try your case in front of the same guy who just bashed your head in, it makes you look feeble and dishonest trying to explain just YOUR side of the story, when the NFL is withholding some 10,000 pages of information that might actually make your side of the dispute look a whole lot better.

And of course, the worst, most nauseating part of the whole story, is the "player safety" issue. My sweet ass it is. Dave M. in Ohio properly dissects that one.....

This Sean Peyton thing cracks me up. I'm actually fine with the severity of the penalties.

What do I care?

But it's funny how the "narrative" quickly becomes distorted. For every Jaworski or Platscke who says..."I applaud the move..it's all about player safety" I just want to rip my hair out.

No.It.Isn't.
If you were really concerned about player safety you'd drop that 18 game nonsense and mandate the newer/safer helmets for all players. You'd mandate mouthguards (the real kind proven to reduce concussions) and you'd fit the helmets properly so they can't be removed like baseball caps. I know I sound like I'm channeling Easterbrook here and that troubles even me. But that's the truth. Safest equipment available and less overall contact by way of fewer games.

That's step #1.

Now onto his real motives and the illogic of the ESPN argument...Follow me on my logic train for a moment. The NFL new about this Saints stuff at least a couple years back. Their investigation fizzled without corroboration and all parties were warned to knock it off. Am I right? Peyton, Loomis, Benson? All warned to stop this a couple of years ago. But they were warned privately so as not to give the league a black eye on the issue. If you care about player safety then you do something at THAT point in time. Not now.

Now?

These penalties are as much, if not more, about having lied to the league, ignored the league, embarrassed the league. Ignoring the issue...failing to punish it THEN automatically negates the player safety cover for this. This is the parental equivalent of overlooking shoplifting of your tween and then sentencing them to 15 years in the pen when you find them still doing it years later.

And again if this is all for PR?, fine. Who cares? But just say so then is my take. You want perjury type penalties in place? Fine? Put in place automatic year-long suspension "lying to commissioner during investigation" penalties if you want to. What I can't stand is the lack of consistency and feeling that the NFL deals with each new scandal from the seat of their pants. And it all comes back to Playmakers. They can't acknowledge the craziness that happens on their watch, let alone PLAN for the inevitable consequences.

The NFL needs a starting point of penalties (with a range), a fairer appeals process, and to get their arms around what might happen next. How can these guys appear to get caught flat footed by every little thing?

REACT: Great points here about how the NFL's FIRST instincts, were to keep the warnings ultra-PRIVATE, so as to avoid embarrassment. In other words, player safety was the LAST thing on their mind. Keeping a shiny gloss to the image of the mighty "Shield" was, however, the FIRST thing on their mind.

Also, the equipment issue is a huge one. The league's crackdown on "illegal" hits is admirable - in theory - but it's just one piece of the puzzle. And it's the piece that costs the league the LEAST amount of money. In fact, it MAKES them money! Fine the players! There, that was easy! Not pushing for 18 games would COST money. Playing just two pre-season games would COST money. Purchasing and mandating new high-tech helmets would COST money. The league has very little interest in any of this.

Player safety. Pffftt. Get outta here with that.

The "net-net" of all of this, is that the league as we once knew it, is gone for good. It was once a legitimate sports league, operated by a central authority that knew the limits of its legal and ethical boundaries. There were rules and they were known and agreed upon. The Commissioner's power was not as over-arching and limitless as it now, obviously is.

The league existed to make money before, of course, but now it's lust for more and more profit, and less risk at any cost for its member teams is beyond insatiable.

The league is also in the greatest peril for lanscape re-shaping legal verdicts on multiple fronts that it has been for many years. Let me summarize them.

Player Lawsuits vs. NFL on concussions (actual and numerous)

Cowboys/Redskins Lawsuit on Salary Cap Penalty (possible)

Collusion Lawsuit by NFLPA (possible)

Blacklisting Lawsuit by Gregg Williams (possible)

And these are just a few of the legal storms currently on the extended radar. What we still can't account for, is the "unknown unknowns" as they say in military terms.

In other words: "The shit we haven't even seen coming yet."

I will still watch NFL football, because the GAME is awesome. Fast, hard hitting, unpredictable. It's a spectacle. And the athletes are just freaks.

But I am not going to worship the league like I once did. I won't likely buy the NFL Sunday Ticket again either. I don't need to burn an entire afternoon on Sunday when it's 75 and sunny in September sitting in my mancave watching three TVs.

A good game at 4 p.m., plus highlights of the other games and then the Sunday nighter. One more for good measure on Monday. That, along with my local "free" NFL team on over-the-air TV is quite alot.

Plus, I hear there is something out there callled... "a highlight package."

Hmmm. Do tell. Sound interesting.

Have fun with all of this stuff Roger. Looks like you and lawyers are going to be busy.

Czweet 16 and March to Madness Champions

Here’s some good sporting news that might brighten your day

after some tough losses in the Sweet 16

Czweet 16 Champion

Joe R. of Dillsberg PA

Selected 13 of the Czweet 16

6 others tied for second with 12 correct

March to Madness Champion

Travis D. of Plymouth, WI

19 out of 20 games correct

Both Champions will receive a BeerTube

courtesy of our partners at BeerTubes.com

Next Czabe Online Contest:  The Green Jacket Classic
This year’s Green Jacket Classic Champion will win a spot at
The WPA Open against Parkinsons Diease
Tuesday, June 5, at the Legend at Brandybrook –  Wales, WI

Learn more at:  http://www.wpa-events.com/wpaopengolf.htm

Off To Vegas...

As such, there won't be a whole lot of updates here until next week. But at least you can snack on this little episode from last year's trip. Who knows if feeding a chipmunk highly fattening chemically soaked snack chips is a federal crime.

If not, good.

If it is, then I don't know who took this video or where it came from. I also don't know that the guy feeding the chipmunk is named Mark Clark.

/drops camera and walks away slowly.

SI.com: Laziest Moth** F****** on The Web

Okay, so I understand corporate cutbacks and skeleton staffs on the weekends.

I understand that in a sprawling website like theirs, there might be some far flung corners of it, that aren't quite as "fresh" as they should be.

BUT THIS????

Seriously.

I clicked on the link that said "Updated Brackets" this morning... and well... here ya go.

Some lazy ass thought "TBD" might suffice to hold us at bay, refreshing the page all morning so we can finally figure out who won the late game between Cinci and FSU.

Hell, forget the late games. When did this donkey knock off work at SI.com? Four in the afternoon.

You suck, SI. Seriously.

Interview of the Year: Retire The Trophy

Wind him up like a little toy chimp with the cymbals, and just sit back and watch the hilarity ensue.

Play Czabe's CWEET 16 - The Champ wins a BeerTube

Pick the 16 Teams that you think will advance to the Sweet 16 on Czabe's advanced Czweet 16 online game application.  Not sure who to pick?  Use the Gargantua Bracket to make it all the more confusing.

CLICK TO PLAY THE CZWEET 16 - ENJOY RESPONSIBLY

Czabe's Official 2012 Bracket

Once upon a time, I watched metric tons of college basketball in it's longform presentation. Saturday and Sunday afternoons in the winter. All of the pre-season tournaments during the holidays. Big Mondays, Monster Thursdays, all that shit on ESPN.

I am not sure when exactly, that flow of college buckets started to dwindle to a mere trickle as it did this past year.

The quality of play, is sagging. Yes. Too many one and dones to the NBA. The poisonous AAU culture that delivers these pre-made "stars" to college coaches is not good for the game. There are too many games on TV. Nobody asked for this awful 4-team appendage to March Madness.

Yeah, yeah, all of that.

But it's really just me. I am not sure why this former Division I play-by-play man for UC Santa Barbara - who once LIVED AND DIED the sport with every game - has turned rather blase about regular season college buckets.

I still love the Tournament. Wished I knew more players. Wished I had a more educated take on what teams do and do not do well.

But it requires putting in the time. I haven't put in the time. Not sure where my time went, or what exactly I was watching instead. But there it is. The truth.

So, with that disclaimer, I heartily submit my completely unfounded bracket, for no other reason than my hunches are likely only 18% less likely to be correct than somebody who has watched FIVE metric tons of college basketball both in person and on television.

If anybody really knew how a single-elimination, neutral site, 64-team goat-rope of a tournament was going to turn out with horny, confused 19 and 20 year old kids, you would have to bet it would be somebody like Jay Bilas or Doug Gottleib.

These guys may not be your faves on ESPN, but to my ears, they know what the hell is going on across the country. Not only do they see games live, they talk to coaches and players, they really don't do anything BUT college basketball, and - worth noting - they both played D1 ball at good schools.

And yet, Bilas and Gottleib can't sell their bracket on the internet for $59.99 because it's a nearly 80% sure-fire winner-winner-chicken-dinner in your local office pool.

It's likely to be just as DUH, chalk-laden as Bill In Accounting's bracket. Or as wildly wrong and over-thought with upsets as Digger Phelps when he gets too deep into his hotel mini-bar.

So here's my bracket.

I like Kentucky.

Eventually, greasy Cal is gonna win one of these, and it sure as damn hell helps he's got the best player in the country.

That's some high level analysis there, folks.

I'll try to watch more games next season.

PS: For those of you who can't read microfiche with your naked eyes, Brad Turner has chopped his GargantuBracket into two pieces, so you can print them vertical on 8.5x11. If you or your office intern/monkey is tricky, he can print the halves "back-to-back" on a single sheet, and you then will be the cock-of-the-tourney-walk!

GARBRACKET - LEFT HALF (SOUTH & WEST)
GARBRACKET - RIGHT HALF (EAST & MIDWEST)

Mancrush Wednesday

God, I do love these guys. Can I just sit in the back seat, eat some Sonic, and crack wise with them?

Gargantu-Bracket 2012

Ladies and gentlemen.... BEHOLD.

Man... built this.... just .... look at it...

/wipes tear from eye.

Kudos to one Bradley Turner, the man with the IRON EYEBALLS to put this together. He will be swagged to the hilt from me. Please give him some love HERE with thank you posts, and of course, SPREAD THE WORD and make him famous!

/and give me the page views!

CLICK LINK HERE FOR PDF of GARBRACKET!

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Tips: If you CAN, print out on 11x17 sized paper if you can.
Otherwise, XEROX one side of the bracket (i.e. the L side) and the XEROX the other side on the BACK of the same single sheet.

Desperados

The Redskins drafting Robert Griffin III with their OWN pick, #2 overall in the upcoming NFL draft would be a no-brainer.

The Redskins giving up three first round picks and a second rounder for him, is brainless.

And before we go any farther, please stop your silliness people with the argument that is was "only" TWO #1 picks because the Skins and Rams "swapped" first rounders this year.

I mean, really. This is your best argument in favor of such roster malpractice?

Here, let's walk through this slowly: YOU have Robert Griffin III. I have three first round picks and a second rounder. We swap. Now, how much have I "paid" for Robert Griffin III.

Think hard.

The price of Robert Griffin III if you are the Rams, is one first round pick. The price if you are as desperate to sell tickets as Dan Snyder and as floundering without his next Elway as Mike Shanahan, is FOUR TIMES as much.

Even independent football minds have deemed this the single most expensive "move up" in almost 40 years.

Jason Lisk of the Big Lead has an exhaustive history of these type of draft blockbusters. Most are not pretty for the "surrendering" team.

While Michael David Smith of PFT.com focuses in on the two most recent comps, the trades for Eli and Vick.

Now, the second silly argument in favor of this trade, is that the Giants did almost the same thing for Eli Manning, so..... THERE!

Boom, roasted.

Okay, good. You have ONE instance in which it could be argued that such a trade was "worth it." And I will even forgo the reminder that the Chargers STILL got an equivalent QB talent in that deal in Philip Rivers.

Rivers: 63% - 24k yards - 163-78
Manning: 58% - 27k yards - 185-129

The fact remains: even IF Robert Griffin III is EVERY BIT AS GOOD right away as Cam Newton (a high bar), the Redskins are STILL three full good players BEHIND the Panthers in terms of talent acquisition.

They play in the same conference. This is not trivial.

There are reasons why NFL draft picks - especially 1st and 2nd rounders - are so valuable. They are players you can select from a deep pool of fresh talent, for whom you do not need to compete for their services with money like in free agency. Their motivation level is high, because they are looking to someday get that big free agent payday. They are less injured - in a cumulative sense - than players who are already in the league. And they cost a lot less money to your team, in a ruthless hard-cap roster eco-system in which production per dollar against the cap is paramount to success.

Of course, there are risks. The draft remains a crap shoot of uncertainty. Plenty of high picks wash out.

Yet the Redskins have not in any way mitigated against this risk by moving up for RGIII.

He too, is a risk.

Yes, despite the amen-chorus of football experts who have all but declared him a sure-fire superstar for years to come.

Had the Redskins traded this haul of picks for Drew Brees, that would be another story. At least with Brees, you KNOW he can play at a high level. And while you would be getting fewer likely serviceable years from him, there is virtually zero chance Brees would be a bust in burgundy and gold.

It seems like everyone I know getting all excited about this move, are blissfully obtuse to the irony of whom they traded with. The Rams themselves selected a "sure-fire" star at QB in Sam Bradford, who earned offensive Rookie of the Year honors his first season.

The Rams did not spend 4 picks to get Bradford. They spent one.

And yet, the Rams were right back at the top of the draft again this year, thanks to a 2-14 season in which injuries riddled their lineup at various positions.

Lesson: a good quarterback can't cover everything. Depth of talent is crucial.

Imagine how screwed the Rams would be, had they done what Snyder and Shanahan just did!

But hey, what are the chances the Redskins have injuries that decimate the roster next year, or the year after?

Right.

Here's one way to see how stupid and panicked this move really was. The Redskins made no attempt to hide the fact that they wanted to be big players in the Peyton Manning derby. But when Peyton started making his itinerary and Washington was nowhere on it, Shanahan and Co. quickly swung to "Plan B" - RGIII.

So in other words, the franchise had a plan. Either get a 35 year old Hall of Famer coming off 4 neck procedures who is still not fully cleared to play.

Or, spend 3 #1's and a #2 on a hot college prospect.

That's really "charting a course for the future" isn't it?

I need a car, and I have a "plan." I'm either going to buy new Porche, or build my own car from a kit I order on the internet. Either way is cool. But I know what I want.

The other big argument in favor of this move, is purely emotional. It goes something like this... "After 20 years without a franchise quarterback, you have to pay whatever price it takes."

Oh, really?

Why? Because Robert Griffin III is the LAST quote "franchise" quarterback the college game is ever going to produce? Because if the Redskins don't make the playoffs this year, the NFL has announced the franchise will be folded forever?

Why?

The answer is simple. The owner is desperate. The coach is desperate. And when the fan base is also desperate, you have fertile conditions for "stupid."

Look, nobody is saying this kid doesn't look, sound and feel like anything but an absolute sensation. He does. He's as fast as Michael Vick, yet bigger, with perhaps a more accurate arm, and way better software and leadership skills.

I flat out love him.

But I would not have paid this much for him. My limit was 2 #'1s and a #2. Which I know, is close. But that was a really "stretched" limit of tolerance. The third #1 would have absolutely been a deal breaker to me.

Many of you asked me - indignantly, I might add - on Twitter over the weekend "well, what was YOUR plan at QB then!"

Answer: don't go on a two-year, time-wasting, patience-testing, teeth-gnashing, draft pick-squandering mis-adventure on McNabb, Beck and Grossman.

Undaunted some of you said: "Well buddy, too bad there's no time machine! NOW, I demand your 'solution' to our QB problem!"

Sorta unfair to ask ME, to bail out Mike "I Know The Position" Shanahan after he ran the franchise into a QB dead end. I mean, the guy doesn't even have ONE decent prospect on the roster after two full years and two full drafts. That's remarkable malpractice for a coach making $7 million a year.

But if you want my preferred options at QB instead of this.... well, here's a quick list.

1. Matt Flynn and keep all your picks
2. Draft a "Tier 2" QB in the late 1st/2nd (possible trade down)
3. Wait 'til next year.

Yeah, I know. Wait 'til next year. Interesting concept. There WILL be a next year. It's like this owner, and this franchise never thinks "next year" is worth waiting for, or building for, or that it will ever come.

The fact it's been 20 years since the Redskins have had a decent QB, doesn't make me feel more urgent. It makes me feel more patient. If we're talking 4 picks for 1, then shit, what's ONE more year?

Some will say, if Griffin is the real deal, then all will be well. You'll be glad you spent the picks. Well sure, in the abstract. It would be like saying if I bet a year's salary on "red" at the roulette wheel and it hits, that my "investment" will have "paid off."

The dumbest thing you can say is that teams desperate for a franchise quarterback, must "pay any price" to get one. Really? "Any" price? Would 5 #1 picks have been as sensible to mindless league drones like Adam Schefter? (Shocker: Shanahan's preferred source for leaks, approves the deal.)

Of course not.

So we have established then, that EVERYTHING in life, has a proper "price."

I think the Redskins have dearly overpaid, and with the worst money you can spend: draft picks.

And unlike baseball, where you can pay a surly right fielder like Jayson Werth $126 million guaranteed to hit .232 (hey, he might pick it up) the ripples of this mistake never make it out of the Lerner family financial net worth portfolio. Werth's sucking, has absolutely no long term negatives on the Nationals on field future. There is no cap, and you did not surrender any draft picks for him.

The downside to RGIII is that if he's a bust, you are ruined.

Ruined.

I would never, ever, ever make that bet as an NFL owner.

If Robert Griffin III turns out to be every bit as good as fellow NFC starters Aaron Rodgers, Matt Stafford, Drew Brees, Matt Ryan, Tony Romo, or Cam Newton, the Redskins are STILL three quality players behind all of those teams who either used just 1 pick, or in some cases NONE to acquire those "franchise" QB's.

Because that's the price they just paid.

You never get those picks back. And you can never have enough talent.

But for an owner who just had to rip out 10,000 seats to avoid blackouts, and a Super Bowl winning coach whose "legacy" is vanishing before his eyes like the McFly family photo in "Back to the Future" you are prone to doing some really reckless and stupid things.

Or if not stupid, certainly selfish.

For Snyder, it buys him buzz, and helps move the floudering season ticket sales effort and club seats. He NEEDED this, in the worst way.

And for Shanahan, it buys him - if nothing else - time. Worst case scenario, Shanny will preach "patience" if this is a slow ramp up to excellence.

It works for them, at least.

Peyton-palooza 2012!

Where is Peyton Manning going to land?

Who knows!

And ain't that fun, kids!

No really, it is kinda cool, that in a day and age in sports where we know everything, can see everything, and stories get leaked well ahead of time, all the time, there are rarely any good mysteries left.

Peyton's New Place, now THAT is a GREAT mystery.

It's such a good "toss-up/blind speculation" that you can actually do a "fantasy style" snake draft with 4 people, and nobody is going to feel cheated in the two teams they pick.

Which is just what we did on my show. It went like this...

1. Linn - MIA (Seemingly the clear frontrunner, a solid #1 overall pick).
2. Czabe - ARZ (Even though it's NFC, so much going for the Cards).
3. Solly - KC (They did it once before with Montana, let's run it back!)
4. Galdi - DEN (Pay no attention to Tebowmania, this would be huge!)
5. Galdi - NYJ (If not for the inconvenient Sanchez thing, makes too much sense).
6. Solly - HOU (A real dark horse, but has most "weapons" already in place).
7. Czabe - WAS (Dan Snyder has money. Everything else is flexible).
8. Linn - SF (Can you imagine healthy Peyton plus that D? Ill-f'ing-LEGAL!)

So there you go. I think we all have a pretty good pair of "tickets" which might come home. And hell, the pool might not even pay out at all! Peyton could end up somewhere totally, gobsmackingly random. Like Seattle. Or with the Giants, as Eli's backup.

If there's one team I think we can safely rule out, it's.... the Colts.

That much, I'm sure of. Anything else.... hmmm.... who knows.

Ahh, The Good Ol' Days!

This, from the back of the VHS sleeve, in 1986....

"They don't stop with just taking a man down. They leave an imprint on their opponent's psyche, as well as on his body. These men specialize in bone rattling hits that make an opponent think twice on the next match-up, hits that demonstrate what the game of football is all about. CrunchTime introduces you to the toughest men in America's roughest game. Men such as HOWIE LONG, the warlord of the Raiders, acclaimed as the most dominant defensive force in the game; MAD DOG MIKE CURTIS , who was so uncontrollably vicious that his teammates condemned him for giving his profession a bad name; DICK BUTKUS-No more obsessed, maniacally driven man ever laced on a pair of spikes; LARRY CSONKA, an old blood-and-thunder runner who ran toward defenders rather than daylight; RANDY WHITE-if every team had a defender like White, all running backs would be three feet tall and sing soprano. For those who love a bone-rattling hit as much as a touchdown and recognize guts as well as glory, CRUNCHTIME is a must-see!"

Of course, available now, only on E-Bay. Wouldn't be surprised if Roger had his league minions scooping up all of these copies, and burning them in the same office incinerator he pitched the Bill Belichick Spygate tapes into.

Frog Jordan

Mmmmm. Lunch.

Red Fox On The Hunt!

Hey you! Stay out of my henhouse! Wait, what? I don't have a henhouse? Damn. I was so looking forward to making a hat out of you.

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

Missouri vs Seattle

Click Here to Play

Charles P. Pierce Has Fired All The Bullets In His Fancy Word Gun

Here's a really fancy writer, using a lot of complicated words, to write a really hand wringing, soul searching story about how awful, professional tackle football is. Miasma. Queegish. Ameliorate. Oh, so smart you are. Please tell me how dumb the rest of us are for loving football....

Think of all the illusions about the National Football League that the revelations of a bounty program in New Orleans shatter. Think of all the silly pretensions those revelations deflate. The preposterous prayer circles at midfield. The weepy tinpot patriotism of the flyovers and the martial music. The dime-store Americanism that's draped on anything that moves. The suffocating corporate miasma that attends everything the league does — from the groaning buffet tables at the Super Bowl to the Queegish fascination with headbands and sock lengths while teams are paying "bounties" to tee up the stars of your game so they don't get to play anymore. What we have here now is the face of organized savagery, plain and simple, and no amount of commercials showing happy kids cavorting with your dinged-up superstars can ameliorate any of that.

Which is why Roger Goodell is going to land on the Saints, and on their coaches, as hard as he possibly can. It's not so much that they allegedly paid players to injure other players. That's just the public-relations side of the punishment to come. Goodell can see the day when one of these idiotic bounty programs gets somebody horribly maimed or even killed, and he can see even more clearly the limitless vista of lawsuits that would proceed from such an event.

We may well be reaching something of a tipping point in our relationship with our true national pastime. Football was always a deal we made with ourselves. We adopted it for its brutality, which was embedded in a context that happened to be perfectly suited to television and to gambling, but which we could convince ourselves was only incidental to our enjoyment because it was only incidental to the game itself. But the players got bigger, and even the unsolicited hits got louder, and the damage to the athletes soon became too obvious to ignore.

Okay, should you say it, or should I? Charles Pierce, just shut the f*** up, already.

Football players know their sport is full of risks. They get paid handsomely to participate. And they can goddamn QUIT any time they please and go work a nice safe desk job for the rest of their life.

The notion that we are somehow savagely running entire generations of our best and brightest minds into a meatgrinder of irreparable harm is just bullshit.

We're not.

And since when did it become fashionable to start rooting like mad for bullshit lawsuits? I've never seen anything like it. "Ohhh, just wait until you see the lawsuits!" Screw the lawyers. Most of them are going to waste their clients money, and lose their ass in front of a jury.

Everyone brings up the unfortunate handful of guys like Conrad Dobler and his 11 knee surgeries. Hey, I got news for ya. Dobler was a malicious asshole himself on the field, who once BIT the finger of Vikings opponent Doug Sutherland.

So fuck Dobler and his knees. Nobody told him he had to play 10 fucking seasons in the NFL. HE CHOSE TO DO THAT! What a dick. What's next? A lawsuit saying the NFL didn't properly advise players about how utterly shitty knee operations were in the 1970's?

All this dribble from people saying how mommies and daddies aren't going to let their kids play football now, may be somewhat true at the comfortable suburban level. But who cares? Those kids generally suck. There's absolutely ZERO chance that an inner city kid who can run a 4-fucking-nothing 40, who loves the attention and hot chicks that playing football brings in high school, will allow his mommy or anybody take his football from him.

Ditto for the farm boy lineman in Iowa, who grew up running a tractor at dawn at 9 years old, for a dad who is 78 and still working from sun up to sun down. That kid might have had his head kicked in by an unruly horse. That kid is always going to play football.

If we need more legal documents and waivers of liability. Done and done.

If pro players want to sit themselves down for 4 games after every concussion, go ahead.

We're going to make much better helmets. All levels of football will crack down on intentional helmet shots. And there will be a concussion policy, and an understanding by everyone who plays: you can walk away any time. But you know the risks.

Everything else, we can stitch, tape, fuse, or re-attach.

And we are going to play awesome, hard nosed, smash mouth, blow-that-fucker-up football from now until we're over-run by Communist China.

That, or the singularity delivers us even better Robot Football.

Until then, Charles P. Pierce and his ilk, should be banned from ever watching another football game. Put your eyeballs and TV set, where your weepy heart is, pal.

The Blackhawks Ice Crew

Shovel the shavings, and re-melt the ice with their hotness! Who needs a zamboni?

We've Got A New Witch To Burn

Poor Gregg Williams looks like he gets to play the "fall guy" for Roger Goodell's lawyers.

Reminds me of this classic Monty Python skit.



My favorite line in there was "She turned me into a NEWT!"

Followed by awkward silence.

"Well... I got better..."

I think P. King Duck perfectly fell into this trap himself with the following paragraph...

The most alarming finding by the league, according to one club source who was briefed on the investigation late Friday afternoon, was this: Before the 2009 NFC Championship Game, Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma offered any defensive teammate $10,000 in cash to knock then-Vikings quarterback Brett Favre out of the game. Favre was hit viciously several times in the game. Favre told SI.com Friday evening: "I'm not pissed. It's football. I don't think anything less of those guys."

So in other words... the MOST ALARMING finding by the league, was that a SIZEABLE bounty (10K) was put on a MAJOR STAR (Favre) in a game in which he was BATTERED and BRUISED (NFC Championship) and his team lost.

ZOMG!

Aaaaaannnndd.... the same guy just shrugged his shoulders and said "It's football."

Right.

In the end, this will be a "win-win" for Goodell and his minions.

1. Some NFL media drones will actually report/opine that this shows the league is "taking this matter VERY seriously." Say somebody with the approximate intellectual horsepower as, oh, John Clayton. Which of course, must be true, since they took three YEARS to sniff it out, and take action. Whereas the TV show Playmakers got murdered in just one.

2. It will enable Goodell to seek, and to receive - if not, he'll just seize it - even MORE power to fine and suspend what he and his owner/bosses consider to be inconvenient savages costing the league so much money in payroll.

And as an upshot, I'll bet anyone who is willing, that the already overhyped "concussion lawsuits" being filed right now, won't even use this bounty evidence at trial because it's easily the WEAKEST part of their already weak case.

But hey, back to Gregg for a second.

He's a witch! BURN HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mickey Loomis Is Running His **** Mouth

The NFL Players Association is starting to realize how crappy a deal they actually took this past summer to end the lockout.

Salary cap is flat, performance incentives have been slashed, and the dreaded "Franchise Tag" lives on.

But hey, they have fewer OTA's, and the league promises not to ask for an 18 game schedule for a few years. So there's that.

Meanwhile, Drew Brees - himself a key member of the Union's side in the lockout, so he really has none of my pity - is feeling the bitter sting of the franchise tag.

With it in hand, GM's like Mickey Loomis can "run his **** mouth" as Bill Hickock would say famously in Deadwood, and call Brees a merely "very good" quarterback, not a "great" one.


From Jason Cole's excellent piece in Yahoo Sports...

That was the word coming out of the NFL scouting combine this past week, when Saints general manager Mickey Loomis tried to define Brees as “very good” when the quarterback was called “great,” according to three league sources. All three sources were asking Loomis why it was taking so long to sign Brees to a contract extension. Loomis’ answer spoke volumes.

Whatever, tough guy.

Brees has been lighting the league on fire the last 6 seasons on the Bayou. His WORST completion % and WORST TD total have been 64% and 28, which was back in year one under Coach Sean Peyton.

Since then, his numbers look like XBox numbers when you are playing your 6 year old nephew on the "easy" setting.

So this is the "reward" a player of unquestioned leadership, loyalty, and community service gets by the "League Machine" when it comes time for a cranky old car dealer to find his wallet?

Nice. What's that saying about "no good deed...?"

Pro Football Talk has an excellent summary of just how the Saints are squeezing Brees, and using his pristine image against him when it comes to bottom line dollars they are willing to pay....

The Saints can get away with playing hardball because they fundamentally believe Brees won’t say or do anything that will paint him as anything less than an all-around good guy. A guy who puts others before himself. A guy who organized workouts during the lockout in order to ensure that the team will be ready for the 2011 season. 

Brees has crafted an image that now prevents him from taking the kind of action necessary to get the team’s attention. He can’t hold out. He can’t demand a trade. He can’t try to make the case to the media that he deserves at least one-sixth of the entire salary cap allotment per year.
Brees has leverage. But the Saints are guessing that Brees won’t use it. And the Saints probably are guessing right.

Sad, but true. Brees deserves better, but like Clint Eastwood once said: "Deserve's got nothing to do with it."

And much like "Wild Bill" Hickock had to endure Jack McCall running his **** mouth at him just to play some cards, Brees will have to endure Mickey Loomis doing the same.



"I ain't gonna get in no gunfight with you Hickock."
"But you WILL run your **** mouth at me...... and I will take it... to play poker."

"Nothing Is Taboo, When You Wear Duke Blue"

Sweet, baby Jesus. This thing blows the lid off creative, hilarious, well produced, and downright wrong! (In a good way).

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

Princeton vs Yale

Click Here to Play

Little Grace Does the Combine

So you might think is cute and all, but I see a  lot of problems.

For one, she lacks lateral explosiveness to play her position. Also, her technique in the straight line running drill shows that she will be susceptible to double-moves at the pro level. Lastly, I sense that her dad is an overbearing asshole, who will likely meddle in contract negotiations, making her difficult to get under contract.

Combine Grade: D-

Sorry. Gotta call 'em, like I see 'em.