Stairs vs. People

It takes a while to get to the good part, but this real story does a nice SportsCenter spoof about halfway through the piece.

/homer voice
"Stupid stairs...."

Moment of Truth

Soccer fans this weekend will likely hope that the juicy Italy v. Spain final in Euro 2012 will NOT have to come down to the very gimmicky and often random penalty kick solution.

Most fans hate it.

I - as a very casual fan of the game (the World Cup every four years is plenty of the game, for my sake) - am okay with penalty kicks.

The game has to end somehow, someday.

And penalty kicks are intense and thrilling.

Soccer has many other half-remedies to help games end in a "proper" score on the pitch, if they wanted to do so. But soccer has an amazing ability to defend the utterly stupid and corrupt.

Like....

Instant replay for bang-bang goal-line calls? Nah! Why bother! We get it right... errr... MOST of the time.

Sorta.

How about a stadium clock that actually STARTS and STOPS with a referee signal?

Too much to ask for?

Oh, you LIKE the suspense of wondering how much "injury time" has accumulated during the match?

But I digress.

On overtime rules, here's what would make sense to me - NON-soccer fan, mind you.

1. Everything in extra time is a "golden goal." As in, sudden death, dummies. You score, you win. Go home.
2. How about allowing free subs in overtime, to allow fresh strikers to mount scoring chances?
3. How about loosening off-sides rules in overtime?
4. How about going 10 on 10, or 9 on 9 to create more lanes?
5. How about alternating "man-advantages" (i.e. 10 on 9) for 10 minute stretches, allowing the team which forced more corner kicks during regulation to get the first chance?
6. Hell, how about a series of 4 corner kicks for each team, instead of 5 vs. 5 penalty kicks?

Well, anyway. They like the system they got, otherwise they would change it.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Of course, some soccer fans actually LIKE the penalty kick device. In this article in the Wall Street Journal entitled "An Apologia for the Penalty Kick Shootout", the authors point to the fact that the more pressure tested side deserves to win a match that ends in such a pressure cooker.

Plain and simple.

I see some logic to that.

The story also has some interesting "data" from a researcher regarding high level World Cup and Euro Cup penalty kick results dating all the way back to 1976.

According to the numbers, the success rate for all PK's in these high pressure events is 75%.

However, it's 90% when a player is kicking FOR THE WIN, yet it drops to a choking dog 60% when the player is kicking TO AVOID THE LOSS.

Interesting stuff, and it might even be a big enough sample to matter.

How.... DARE they!?

Photoshop a cookie so magical, so delightful, and then sheepishly admit.... you cannot buy it.

It does not actually exist.

Fuck you, Oreo.

As for the Gay Pride thing? Oh, fine. Whatever. Knock yourself out.

Now get cracking on actually MAKING THIS COOKIE FOR US TO EAT!

Yep, These Pretty Much Sum Up My Thoughts Exactly

A lot of big things went down while I was on vacation, and instead of blog about them incessantly, here, just look at these.

Couldn't agree more...

Cat-5 Superstar

“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. So they can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they got to get back to the real world at some point.”

LeBron James, June 2011

Well, he did it. Congrats, LeBron. Well done.

I do mean that. 

You were a Cat-5 Superstar in the post-season. You were everything, most people who watch basketball knew you could be, if you ever put it all together.

It doesn't make previous criticisms of you or your failings invalid. No, they were spot on. And deserved.

And just like you said LAST year, I woke up on Friday, and MY life was pretty much, exactly as I left it, even with you wiping the champagne out of your eyes.

But now you have changed the narrative.

You were dominant.

You were clutch.

You were calm when others might have lost their heads.

The scary-good, Mike Meyers "blank face" game 6 in Boston?

Masterpiece.

The limp-legged, cramp-game, clutch 3-pointer?

Now the stuff of legend.

Enjoy your summer. I know you will. 

That said, I'm still not a "fan." Because here's the thing, in sports you don't have to "like" everybody. You don't have to "root for" a player just because, he's great.

I tip my cap to your greatness.

But you still aren't really my cup of tea. Which is understandable. My generation and your generation will likely never see eye to eye. 

Guys my age grew up on a tattoo-less NBA, that wasn't nearly as corrupt and unfairly tilted towards free agents and the "big market preference" of the league's marketing bosses.

It is why many of us were rooting for Kevin Durant and the small market Thunder instead. They sorta reminded us of the late 80's/early 90's NBA.

Much of it, is beyond your ability to change. Some of it, is.

So if you want to win us over, just a bit more, keep showing some humility when the issue at hand doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things.

Don't shoulder bump your head coach during a timeout, and pretend it was just an accident.

Don't confiscate grainy footage of a pick-up game, just because a kid dunked on/near you.

Don't wear any more shirts reminding people that you just won the MVP.

Don't make fun of opposing players by pretending to be sick.

Stop fucking flopping.

It's all so BENEATH you.

Be cool. So cool, that when you walk around people have to wonder: "Does LeBron even KNOW how awesome he is?"

Less is more.

Keep growing up. You've come a long way. But there is a longer road still ahead.

You promised "Not one.... not two...."

If you put that big fat SEVENTH banner up there, well then, we might just be saying "Michael who?"

Sergio Garcia Hates Microphones... and Self Discipline

Sergio Garcia is a little bitch, who will never win a major because he's mentally weak.

He added to his already long list of pathetic meltdowns on various Tours, with a demolition of an NBC microphone at Olympic.

That of course, is in addition to his spitting in the cup at Doral.

And if you watch this "Top 10 Golf Tantrums" video, he's got two spots covered, including Numero Uno.



His nickname is El Nino, or "The Child."

Yep, they got that right.

Star Wars I: Phantom Menace - WORSE Than You Even Remember

I always knew that the new trilogy of Star Wars movies sucked intergalactic balls, but I never fully grasped just HOW MUCH they sucked, until I came upon this glorious and hilarious 1-hour takedown, courtesy of some creative guy in his basement and Al Gore's miracle invention, The InterWebs!

Flopping Comes to Professional Golf

Bad enough when LeBron James goes into full blown "Fred Sanford Mode" just to draw a call, but this move by Eldrick after his bitter Saturday afternoon car wreck of a round was even more pathetic.
At first when I saw this incident, I thought "well, that was weird, and a bit dramatic, but okay, whatever..."

But then after rewinding and reviewing it, it looks even more fishy.

Surely, Tiger Woods, spectacular athlete, has enough peripheral vision to pick his way through a clearly defined channel of people en route to the clubhouse.

Surely, Tiger Woods, keen of senses and his own body, has the ability to adjust when it appears somebody is blocking his way - even partially.

Surely, Tiger Woods, when literally shoulder-to-head with a stationary photog, would naturally react by turning his head slightly toward the person as the collision was imminent.

Well, apparently not.



Just how sharp is the leading edge of a zoom lens? Just how much does it hurt to smash your hand into it at an approximate speed of 3 miles per hour?

By the time Tiger was done shaking his hand, flopping it around for all the world to see, looking down at it again and clutching it in apparent pain, he was halfway up the staircase to the scorers tent. By the time Roger Maltbie got to toss him a few softballs, Tiger had declared the hand "fine" and gave ol' Rog the terse smile that said: "If you know what's good for you, buddy... DROP IT!"

I have a theory about what was going on here. Tiger saw the guy jutting out just a bit to get a picture of him. Tiger hates photographers. All of them. And so he purposely drifted INTO him, with the intent to draw a collision of some sort, and made sure to have an exaggerated reaction.

It's Tiger's way of "brushing back" that photog, and every other one of them who saw it. It's the same kind of "brushback pitch" I think Tiger purposely throws when he stops his swing on the downswing to protest a wayward click with a nasty glare. I think he decides "okay, on THIS swing, I am going to check swing and glare."

And he does, knowing he has no intent of hitting the ball on that swing.

Surely, he doesn't have the kind of swing protocol to incorporate all of his positive thoughts from Sean Foley, INCLUDING a line of code - executable just micro-seconds before impact - that says: "BUT make sure to abort the swing if you hear ANY click from the photographers before impact."

No way. I just don't believe that.....

a. HE's that good...
b. That aborting swings in that manner makes any golf sense whatsoever.

So chalk this up to another bizarre, yet telling, Tiger incident that makes many golf fans scratch their heads and wonder.

"Such a great player. But what is HIS DEAL?"

I'm not sure we'll ever fully know.....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>



Fred Sanford: The Original Flopper



LeBron James: "Come Flop With Me" - 2012

The Man In the Arena

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."


- Teddy Roosevelt
THE MAN IN THE ARENA
Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic"

Bill Buckner's Gaffe, Re-Mixed Two Ways

As promised, here are three versions of the infamous 1986 World Series, Game 6, 10th inning, Bill Buckner.

The real one, followed by the RBI Baseball video game re-mix, with the recently discovered Kids in Kenya version.

And yes, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that Al Gore had envisioned when he invented the internet.

Play Czabe's USA Open 
to Win the Coveted USA BeerTube Trophy  

How to Play:
1.  Pick the golfer that you think is going to win this weekend's big golf event,
2.  Select what you think their final score is going to be,
3.  And predict what he will shoot for his lowest round.
The champion will also be presented with a golf themed BeerTube courtesty of BeerTubes.com

Click Here to Play - Registration Deadline is Wednesday June 13th at 11:59PM.

You Think Russell Westbrook Wears Dumb Crap?

Well, what about Clyde Frazier?

That dude was know to wear capes. Yeah, CAPES!

Nice look, Batman.

So what if these NBA players are rockin' the faux Sally Jesse Rafael rigs? They have blown their money on worse things in the past. I just was curious where you can get these "glasses" and what they cost. Now, thanks to this blogger, I have a starting point for my Father's Day wish list.

Of course, many NBA players now are into the fashion "thing" and GQ has a nice little slideshow with examples. Even Pistol Pete back in the day, had a bit of a hipster look off the court. I think this "thing" is better than the "tattoo thing" or the "have lots of kids out of wedlock" thing.

But trends in this league evolve slowly, so we'll see if it has any real legs.

Personally, I think one player needs to take it to the next level and go "monocle and top-hat" thing.

Now that, would be sweet.

Snicky du Jour: Shanshan Feng

Kidding!

Okay, so good ol' Kung Fu Golfer became the first ever mainland Chinese golfer to win a major on the LPGA or PGA Tour. Nice girl. Great player. Mix in a salad or two, as Tony Soprano would say.

Now, for a palate cleanser. Here's Paula Creamer. Played great, couldn't putt worth a damn. Shame. Still looked smashing.

Not Worth A Stupid Argument at at Party

Condolences, of course, go to the families of the victims in the shooting that left 2 former Auburn football players dead, along with another man, and several others seriously wounded - after a pool party gone wrong - very, very wrong.

By initial accounts, this was not a "football player party gone bad" but more of a case of "football players in the wrong place at the wrong time"

The story is sad. And cliched.

Guys get into argument over a woman. Larger guys decide they can beat the crap out of other guys they don't really know.

Guys decide punching isn't quite doing the job and decide to start smashing bottles on heads.

Then somebody pulls a gun and starts shooting.

Police emphasized that the shootings didn't appear to have anything to do with some of the victims being former or current players on the university's powerhouse football team, which won the national championship in 2010. 

"The only connection that the Auburn football team has to this is they are victims of a brutal shooting. Sometimes the young men get a bad rap, I feel like, but they are the victims today," Dawson said. 

Police urged the suspect to turn himself in. Authorities are also searching for two other persons of interest.

Dawson said he did not know why the party was being held or what sparked the fight.
"Them being football players really has nothing to do with this. They're victims of a shooting," Dawson said. 

Turquorius Vines, 23, said he was at the pool party Saturday evening at the University Heights apartments with one of his friend, Pitts. He said he and his friend were approached by two other men who started arguing with them over a woman. 

Vines said he punched one of the men, while Pitts hit both of the men over the head with a bottle. Either one or both of the two men then started shooting, he said. He said Pitts was shot and killed, while two others also were hit by gunfire. Vines said he had never met the men he was arguing with. 

"It's like I lost a lung," Vines said of losing his friend. "I don't know how I'm going to survive this."

Well, the time to think about THAT, was unfortunately, before things escalated. Look, I am a middle aged white guy who doesn't go to many parties of the genteel set, much less these kind of parties.

But at the same time, you would hope that high profile athletes - and remember, football players are ROCK STARS in their college towns - would stop to think: "Could this idiot I am arguing with possibly go get a gun and start shooting?"

If there is any doubt, just let it go.

All that said, it must be repeated for the 10,000th time. "When the football team shows up... the party is over."

Period. 

Go home.

Andy and Solly Try Their Hand at Golf

Extremely rare footage! Andy Pollin and Steve Solomon try their hand at golf.

It does not go well.





Believe it or not, Solly's swing at the ball was the FIRST of his LIFE! Amazing.

"LeBRAWN James..... Has GOT TO...."

"Hey, no offense, Stephen A. but my whole bit about you on SportsCenter, was all about how you managed to say absolutely NOTHING of value about the NBA playoffs, but did so very loudly, with wild gesticulation. I mean, that doesn't mean you are a shallow, one-trick, talking-head pony. No, not at all."

Snicky du Jour: Allison Michelleti

I am not sure if any of the gals on the current edition of "Big Break: Atlantis" can break 80 from the forward tees with 2 gimmes per side.

I don't care either.

Did you see how SMOKIN' hot that crop is this time? Egad. Once upon a time, the Big Break would mix in maybe 2 or 3 really hot gals.

Now, the whole show is like a dozen brand new ProV1 pearls.

My favorite. Allison Michelleti. For some reason, she looks even BETTER with a golf hat on. Hmm.

Losing Streak

Barack Obama is cratering. This is not my opinion. This is verifiable fact. Not only has he been inflicting damage on every Democrat he endorses in every election since his own, but he and his party haven't won any significant election since Obama rode into office on "Hopenchange."

From Josh Kraushaar on National Journal...

For all of Obama's political talent, he's been a major drag on his party since taking office. In 2009, Republicans won two hotly-contested gubernatorial races in Virginia and New Jersey, with the victors (Chris Christie/Bob McDonnell) now on Romney's vice-presidential short list. During the heat of the health care debate in 2010, Scott Brown picked up Ted Kennedy's Senate seat in deep blue Massachusetts. Later that year, Republicans regained control of the House, by winning a whopping 63 seats while picking up six Senate seats. And now, Walker wins the recall by a bigger margin than in the 2010 election, which was already a watershed year for Wisconsin Republicans.

And when you have lost Maureen Dowd of the New York Times... well... better get in as much golf as you can by way of Marine One before the winter arrives...

"The president who started off with such dazzle now seems incapable of stimulating either the economy or the voters. His campaign is offering Obama 2012 car magnets for a donation of $10; cat collars reading “I Meow for Michelle” for $12; an Obama grill spatula for $40, and discounted hoodies and T-shirts. How the mighty have fallen."

Tiger's Best Shot Ever? The 16th at Memorial? Child, please..

Just because Jack Nicklaus got caught up in the moment and declared it "one of" the best shots he's "ever SEEN", let's not get carried away. Tiger's soft-handed, fluffy flop onto a slipper slope and down into the hole for a momentum surging duece was nice. Very nice. And electrifying in a way that only Tiger Woods can deliver. But best shot ever? No. In fact, by Tiger's own admission his best shot ever was an obscure 3-iron at the PGA Championship back in 2002. Here's an excellent

Woods, Els and David Toms, who each had won major championships in 2001 and were the marquee threesome in the first two rounds at Hazeltine, hadn't finished their second round when a patch of horrid weather prompted play to be suspended on Friday. They restarted on Saturday at 7:30 a.m. and had two holes left, which means that by the time Woods climbed into the bunker on the 18th fairway, it wasn't yet 8 a.m. 

"When I hit it, it was probably just the most pure shot I've ever hit," he said. "It just felt like nothing, like when guys hit a home run, [or] describe a home run, how easy it felt, even though it went 460 feet. It just felt effortless; that's how that shot felt. And I made the putt, too." The 18th at Hazeltine is a bear of a hole, a 465-yard par-4 that doglegs left and tilts slightly uphill. As the video indicates, with the wind still howling from the overnight storms, had the flags on the grandstands had flapped any harder, they would have frayed at the edges. A stand of five trees stood 72 yards in front of Woods, including one that towered 60 feet above him, caddie Steve Williams said. As Els and Roberts watched in disbelief, Toms, the defending PGA champion, spoke in hushed tones to caddie Scott Gneiser. 

"When I saw him in the lip of the bunker, I figured he would try to get it somewhere up there short of the green," Toms said, laughing at the notion. "David and I were standing out in the fairway, going, 'He's going to try to hit that shot? What's he going to do, pop something up, lay up in front of the green?'" Gneiser said. "Then we saw the long iron come out. But if there was anybody that could hit that shot, it was Tiger. "It was unreal. I couldn't believe he had to hit that shot, couldn't believe he tried to hit that shot, and then he actually pulled off the shot. At that point in the tournament, I remember thinking he could make a big number and put himself out of the golf tournament. Best shot I have ever seen." 

The fairways were wet and the air was heavy. Els had bombed a drive and a 2-iron onto the green from 210 yards on a shot that Roberts said "played like it was 240." Toms had barely reached the fairway with his drive and came up short of the green with a fairway wood. "It's blowing, it's cold, because there was that front that came through, remember?" Els said. "I mean, I hit a good drive and was in the fairway, and hit 2-iron for my second shot. I thought, 'Man, that's one of the best shots I have hit this week.' As I told Ricci, we had seen a lot of his great shots, but up to that point, it was the best shot he had ever hit. And he [Woods] basically agreed. 

"See, the thing is, it was 7:30 in the morning, freezing cold, most of us are still trying to warm up and stretch, and here's a guy hitting 3-iron over a tree with the ball a foot below his feet. And then he makes the putt."

I thought the shot was a hard to find, rare item on YouTube. But thankfully, I was wrong. Here it is. Enjoy.

Justin Blackmon's Heartwarming Tale Just Took A Turn For the Drunk and Stupid

Remember this touching story of Oklahoma State's stud WR? Well, just because Blackmon got pinched for "aggravated" DUI, where he was TRIPLE the legal limit, and weaving on the wrong side of the road, doesn't make this story invalid. It just should remind us to never take a sweet story, packaged by ESPN, as any kind of "proof" about what "kind of guy" somebody in sports is. Is Blackmon a "bad guy?" Not necessarily. But he certainly has a drinking problem, and a judgement problem. Had he slammed into a single mother coming home from her late shift as a nurse, killing her, then we could have another wideout be a mentor to the children left without a mother.

Bill Murray Films "Slo-Mo Walk"

Pretty cool to get your picture taken with a big time movie star. Even BETTER, when that star decides it would be cooler to film a "slow walk" like he's part of your Hangover "wolfpack."