Crack Me Upside the Head With A Ten-Pin Please!

Hey Steaval,

I saw your recent Czabecast on your bowling experience and I am quite offended. ((not really..lol))

((queue the cheesy violin movie music))....the following is very, very true...

You were mocking the entire bowling community on this czabecast, Czaban, and all peoples who worked at a bowling alley. That mechanic you spoke too had to go through fluent training to learn those AMF 82-70 Machines. I once was a bowling mechanic at a bowling alley while I attended Kent State University, and like me,, I am quite sure Steve Solomon is quite offended.

The bowling alley I worked at... Rainbow Lanes in Warren, Ohio -- we busted our butts as mechanics at this crystaline 36 lane house, we worked hard for the money!! A full house every nite,, and ya maybe the house did run like shit.

There were many a days where we even unable to eat our pepperoni rolls from brothers pizza on the clock -- but we managed to survive. Yes, we would sneak to the walk-in cooler for a case of beer every now and then -- but thats besides the point.

And we also came very close to joining the steel workers union for higher wages -- unsuccessful -- but the three of us ((the mechanics)) decided it was in our best interests to stand pat for the time being.

We also had peep holes in the back of the lanes to watch the females bend over, but thats also besides the point -- us mechanics, Solomon, and the entire bowling community are sticking together on this one.

We have rights too. we are educated, BEYOND 3rd grade. lol.

If you would took that pin off of the distributor ((that finger thingie that sorts the pins)) I would of threw out of the bowling center, which lurch should of done, because all knowledgeable mechanics know you need 20 pins in each machine.

-- I'm kidding fat man.. keep up the great work. :)

-- Mike
"The 330"
Warren, Ohio

REACT: I am glad I got this email, because I wanted to address what came off poorly in that video. Namely, my comment about “what grade did you have to drop out of” to become a bowling alley mechanic.

I’m a dope. Forgive me.

I couldn’t re-paint the pins with a clearcoat gloss and a step-by-step manual. These mechanics who know how to tame a beast like these AMF pinsetters are certainly no dropouts.

In fact, it was always my dream to go behind the back of a bowling alley and see what ingenious mechanical design allowed for the seamless pick up, sorting, and replacement of pins – time after time after time.

And I am sure they work their asses off night after night, getting dirty, putting out fires, and going deaf in the process. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

I suppose what struck me when I saw the mechanic, was that it smacked of Igor underneath the bell tower, pulling the rope. I probably assumed that pinsetters were sufficiently tuned to run without full time supervision behind the lanes.

So for all the hard working pinsetters, mechanics, and guys under the bell towers of modern life, I apologize.

If you want to know what profession allows for 3rd grade dropouts?

Radio show hosts. That’s who.

Dopes.

Patriots Fleeced On Cassel Deal? Think Again...

Now, for a rare moment of Peter King praise. King points out that the Patriots are so in tune with real player value, that they don't just mindlessly accumulate as many high draft picks as possible.

The accumulate a lot of relatively inexpensive high draft picks. It's partly why Belicheck didn't break the bank for Matt Cassell, taking only a high second, and not holding out for a first. Shrewd...

KING (Edited by me, to get to the point..)

Back to Belichick. New England now has four picks in the first two rounds -- the 23rd, 34th, 47th and 58th. Belichick wants late ones and twos because the difference in talent between the top of the draft and pick 34 is not nearly as big as the difference in money. And the third pick in the draft this year would command a bigger contract than Tom Brady's. Thus, New England has no use for very high picks.

Let's examine the financial commitment those four picks (23, 34, 47, 58) required last year, and compare it to the top of the draft:

Pick Guaranteed/Avg. $$ Per Year
23 $7.12m $1.97m
34 $3.07m $1.17m
47 $2.20m $904,000
58 $1.72m $857,000
Total $14.11m $4.94m

The eighth pick in the draft last year, defensive end Derrick Harvey, got $17.47 million guaranteed in a contract averaging $4.6 million a year. In essence, in the way the NFL pays rookies, the eighth pick's compensation is equivalent to the combined pay of the 23rd, 34th, 47th and 58th picks. Insane. Imagine if someone tells you they'd trade the eighth pick in the draft for a lower first-round pick and three second-round picks. You'd do it in a second. The Patriots will draft at least a couple of keeper players on Day 1, and they'll have the kind of salary manageability with those players that great teams with big stars have to have.

REACT: Good, Peter. Gooooooddddd boyyyy!!! Come here, Petey. Good boy.

Indeed, the Patriots are like a pinball wizard, that knows not only how to play the machine, but can execute subtle little bumps to nudge the ball into JUST the right spot.

When I think of how they operate, I envision a short-bus Vinny Cerrato just mashing the flippers mindlessly on the Skins pinball machine.

Oh yeah, in a much lesser hyped move, the Skins had to release Jason Taylor yesterday after he refused to accept an off-season workout clause that would keep him in Ashburn, and not Miami.

So, if you are keeping score at home...

Jason Taylor for a 2nd and 6th round draft pick.
Redskins Record: 8-8
Games Played: 13
Sacks: 3 1/2
Salary: $8.5 million.

Good times... good times.

That 2nd and 6th could have turned into another Chris Cooley and Chris Horton. But hey, the draft is over-rated, just ask Vinny.

If Only This Crap Actually Worked...

A few years ago, Joe Gibbs 2.0 told me and Andy Pollin on the Sports Reporters that the “salary cap was the most over-rated thing in sports.”

We laughed at the notion - especially in the NFL - and for years now have used that as a poster-blurb indictment of how Dan Snyder goes about acquiring talent for his football team.

But I am now shocked to think, that Joe might have been right all along.

The conventional wisdom has been, that eventually, the Skins would be faced with an insurmountable dead-cap “bill” and be forced to reckon with it by purging vast amounts of players.

We never get that bill for some reason. The accounting trick has continued to escape me.

So maybe the cap IS over-rated, and maybe I should fully embrace this coup of landing the 100-Million Man Albert Haynesworth. After all, it’s not MY money, and if other teams were just a few million dollars behind us, then what’s to complain about? He didn’t cost any draft picks in exchange, and he’s in his prime.

If only it all worked.

If only….

This stuff doesn’t work, has never worked, and will almost certainly not “work” once again. Gibbs might have been right in that a rich owner like Snyder can buy buy buy without any real cap consequence, but at the same time it will not translate into sustained winning of any sort.

It won’t work most likely, because it’s methods are so amateurish in nature. To rush out and buy a player at retail price (+10% for no better reason than ego and impulsiveness) is a failed experiment for the Snyderskins with many case studies.

If this kind of thing “worked” then football would be nothing but an arms race, with the richest clubs quickly and easily outdistancing the rest. Hell, it’s not even working that well in baseball - an uncapped league - where one individual talent can lift a team to an additional 5-10 wins on his own!

To wit, the Yankees might still finish in 3rd place in their own division!

In baseball, the numbers nerds have come up with a statistical measure that I think makes a compelling argument about the true “worth” of talent. It’s called VORP: Value Over Replacement Player.

In short, it is a statistical attempt to assess just how MUCH better is Manny Ramirez as a hitter, than another average “dude” that could fill his spot in the lineup. Some players have a VORP that justifies their premium salaries. Others, do not.

Football doesn’t have a VORP, but if it did, I don’t think there’s ANY way that Haynesworth would be worth this much money. He could have a 4-sack day and Skins could still lose if Campbell throws three picks and DeAngelo Hall muffs a punt return for a score.

Similarly, Haynesworth might be out with an injury one week, and the Skins could still win because Portis has a 200 yard day rushing against a bad team like the Rams.

A game in which the Skins are well on their way to winning without any great contribution from Haynesworth, might then feature 3 sacks and a fumble recovery in the 4th quarter of a blowout. The talk on Monday will no doubt center on what a “great acquisition” this player was!

Why? Because the team won, AND the expensive player registered statistics that make fans and sportswriters drool.

Any lack of causal effect, however, will be glossed over or ignored. Football fans can be embarrassingly dense at times, as long as they got their “W” and some blood to go with it.

But I guess if money is no object, if the cap consequences can be constantly outflanked with good accounting, if 2010 is going to be an “un-capped” year in advance of a labor showdown in 2011, then what the hell, we’ll take him.

But it’s not going to work. And I’m resigned to that.

Go Skins!