Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sunday Dreamers


It’s been a tough month so far for Jim Nantz and CBS.

Desperate for the “Michigan State Saves Depressed Detroit” storyline at the Final Four, they were instead delivered a royal Tar Heel beatdown.

Moving right along, surely a “Tiger Roars Again At Augusta” telecast on Easter Sunday would cure the CBS TV ratings blues.

Didn’t happen.

So, in that sense, I’m not mad at CBS and their announcers for sounding like such sullen kids when it was becoming increasingly apparent that Tiger’s comeback major win just wasn’t going to happen.

But it was rather pathetic.

Like when Nantz – whom again, I MUST repeat, I am a mammoth fan of in all respects – said to Faldo after Tiger lined up his putt to finish at -9. “So, the 9’s are out, Nick?”

Yes, Jim. And the Easter Bunny is actually your parents. I know. It’s a gut punch. Courage.

Faldo had the nerves to say what everybody knew. Tiger had no chance. Just like he didn't have any real chance as things wound down on Saturday.

But there was still some TV drama to be sold.

It was almost like a memo had been hot copied and distributed to every TV tower at The National on Saturday: MEMO: “Keep pretending Tiger has a chance at this. Thanks. Management.”

I desperately wanted somebody to airlift Billy Packer in so he could say: “Tiger’s bid for the Green Jacket… is OVAH!”

Going into Sunday’s final round, it wasn’t just that Tiger was 7 shots back. It was that he had 17 other players he needed to beat. No announcers even dared to bring up the crowd between Tiger and the top, they only focused on the margin of strokes.

To have won on Sunday, Tiger would have needed to beat…

2 U.S. Open Champions
6 U.S. Ryder Cuppers
2 European Ryder Cuppers

…. And Mickelson.

Sure.

The sheer numbers and odds stacked against Tiger were plain to any golf fan who watches tournaments on TV.

They kept saying… “maybe he can find a 65 or a 64 out there Sunday.” Sure. Maybe. Except his form said exactly the opposite. Not to mention his body language.

While Tiger had recorded 12 birdies through three rounds, Anthony Kim had 11 in a single round.

By the way, Tiger has never come from behind to win a major. Not from just one stroke behind, much less 7. Tiger has never come back from more than 5 shots back of the leader in any PGA Tour event. In 16 of the last 17 Masters, the winner has come from the last PAIRING on Sunday.

Tiger wasn’t even on the top PAGE of the leaderboard.

Yes, once upon a time Gary Player closed a 7 shot gap on Sunday to win.

That was before metal woods.

More importantly, the announcers didn’t dare much to explore how crappy Tiger was actually playing.

I have DirecTV, and this year they rolled out a channel called “Masters In Depth.” It was awesome. They ran a highlight package of Tiger’s entire round, shot for shot. Putt for putt.

Tiger’s drives on #1, #2, and #8 were pure crap.

We’re talking, 30 yards off-line, two-way misses.

Which brings me to a larger, lingering issue about Tiger. Dottie Pepper said on the golf channel that Tiger’s new swing is much flatter. She said it’s amazing that he can use his athletic talent to square the clubface so consistently while cranking his swing along that newer, shallower plane.

God bless Dottie. I couldn’t agree more.

Only I still do not know to this day, why Tiger changed his swing in the first place. His stretch of golf in 2000 and into 2001 was the most devastating show of golfing Shock and Awe the game has ever seen.

Was a spat with Butch Harmon worth re-doing it?

The old swing was perfectly upright to my eye, and kept his misses to a manageable window. The new one does nothing for me. And it’s shocking to see Tiger be so wild these days.

When Tiger went off into the swing change wilderness for a year and half under Hank Haney, he initially said very little about what he was doing, and why he was doing it. Only later, once he began to win majors again, did he offer some vague analysis of the changes.

None of it really resonated with me, but who was I to judge? He’s the one with 14 majors.

Now, having said all this, it’s probable that Tiger’s just rusty from his long knee injury layoff. But what if it’s not rust? What if the new swing is out of mojo, and he’s going to have re-construct it again?

While technically both Phil and Tiger tickled the leaders bellies before they got to the easy tenderloin of the course on the back nine, real golf fans could see the flags go limp, and knew that most of the final 9 would be a cakewalk.

I just wish CBS and every other TV announcer would realize that golf fans aren’t stupid. And we know how to add.

Pity poor Kenny Perry, he flat out choked it away. But if he's going to say that everything in his career is just "gravy" right now, then you can't really be devastated by the loss. Either it's something you burn for, or it's just sauce for the noodles.

As for Cabrera, how can you not like "The Duck?" Any dude who stone cold SHANKS a fairway iron, and CHUNKS a chip shot, but STILL wins? My man!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Everybody in the Masters Pool!



I know that lots of you dimple-heads have office pools for the Masters that you are already in for big stupid casheeeesh!

Good on ya!

But here's one more that you should check out.

It's the first annual Czabe.com "Green Jacket Challenge" sponsored by my guys at Rocky Gap Resort in Cumberland, MD.

They are giving away a 2 night stay to the winner, and signing up is super quick, and super easy, and it's FREE!

Granted, many of you cheeseheads might not be scheduled to come down this way, but you never know. And besides, winning anything is always fun!

So jump on in, and get wet!

Here's my squad of Masters picks, with notes.

Tiger Woods (Duh.)
Steve Stricker (The harder the grind, the more he thrives!)
Henrik Stenson (The Underwear Swede)
Miguel A. Jiminez (Smoke 'em, pony tail dude!)
Stuart Appleby (Bout time to win a major, dude.)
Angel Cabrera (Flat out BOMBS it!)
Rocco Mediate (A sentimental play)
Steve Flesh (The Other "Lefty")
Fred Couples (Even with gray hair, the dude's move is pure!)

So have fun with it, and look for more contest like this in the near future!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

There Ought to Be An Investigation On FF MOP!



MR. X'S CONSPIRACY THEORY

My favorite gambling degentleman “Mr. X” was proudly sitting on a nicely hedged Final Four winner of a bet: Ty Lawson as Final Four MOP at a tasty 6.5-1.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner?

Um no....

Mr. X picks it up from here...

F'n Wayne Ellington? Please.

Anyone who knows diddly knows Lawson controlled those 2 Final Four games. Stats? Yeah, folks are always swayed by "stats" in "MVP" votes.

But Lawson beat him up everywhere!

Points – Lawson 21-19.
We shold stop right there. Lawson does many things, but scoring isn’t what he needs to do to make his team win. Ellington is a shooter. And still Lawson outscored him.

Rebounds? 4-4 tie, which actually means “edge to the p-guard”.

Assists, 6-0 Lawson.
Steals, 8-0 Lawson.
Only 1 TO for Lawson.

The 1 dimensional Ellington doesn’t win a single stat.

What’s worse – the Villanova game was all Lawson. The tenacious Villanova defensive pressure - Lawson handled it so easily they stopped pressing late 1st half – as it was pointless.

Both games:
Lawson wins points 43-39.
Ellington reb by only 13-11 (again, actually a plus for the PG).
Lawson assists 14-0!
Steals 10-0.

Only 1 reason for it to be Ellington. I had Lawson for a ton at 6.5 to 1!!!!!!!!!!

And, the line on Lawson was the only one that moved. Opened at 6.5, yet crept down to 4.5 as all the action was on Lawson.

Am I f'n nuts, or was this a conspiracy to find someone else to give it to?


REACT: No, Mr. X. You are dead on, on all fronts. If there were a Sports Gambling Commission that could investigate these kind of things, then this one would be fast tracked in my opinion. It makes zero sense, and I wish they would disclose the voting, as matched up by each writer.

SECOND THOUGHT: Okay, this is nuts, but it makes as much sense as anything. Remember when Lawson said he won $250 playing craps (legally) at a downtown casino last week? Hmmm. I bet (pardon the pun) the NCAA didn't take too kindly to that, now DID THEY?? Hmmm. Score settled. As good a theory as any.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THE FRENCH.... TO SUCK!

From Rich Lowry's column....

Obama pleaded for more troops in Afghanistan, arguing correctly that terrorists emanating from that region pose a more direct threat to Europe. French President Nicolas Sarkozy responded with no additional troops, 150 MPs, and an offer to take one Gitmo detainee when the detention facility closes. At that, he pronounced himself much pleased to be working "with a US president who wants to change the world and who understands that the world does not boil down to simply American frontiers and borders."

REACT: Thanks for the 150 Inspector Clouseau's, Nic! 'Preciate it.

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FILE AND SAVE

A friend of mine who used to run a PGA Tour event and knows the current economic paranoia amongst big corporations says get ready for a “pending implosion” of the PGA Tour's prize money gains under the Tiger Woods era once 2010 comes to a close.

My guy says you can kiss goodbye all but a few $1million plus winner's checks.
Which, frankly, isn't going to make anybody in America weep, I admit. But the irony here is that current Commish Tim Finchem is a staunch Democrat, amongst a tour full of Republican independent contractors.

Is it's Finchem's fault the ecomony imploded? Hardly. But does it help that Democrats like Obama and Barney Frank are calling out any company who dares to take clients to a big event, or to sponsor a golf tournament?

Too bad ol' Finchy can't call Capitol Hill and say: “You know, if a company wants to do it, there's nothing wrong with putting their name on a golf tournament. Especially if they didn't suckle from the federal bailout teet.”

Good luck, Tim.

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KILL THE CORPORATIONS!

It is also important to remind corporate bashers that while shit might run downhill in the cubicle world, so does money.

When Obama took a huge chunk out of Las Vegas' convention business by slamming Citi bank and others for junkets to Sin City, who ended up getting hurt worst?

Not Steve Wynn, he's still filthy rich!

It was the hundreds of Service Employees International union workers who got pink slipped because there were no hotels to clean.

Now the same dynamic comes to the Masters....

AUGUSTA, Ga. | Corporate customers at the Masters normally keep chef Karl Kwoka busy all week prepping gourmet dishes like Angus beef filets with bleu cheese fritters and crepes de mer with lobster cream sauce. Catering to elite fans and their top clients during the April golf tournament typically accounts for a quarter of his income.

This year, the unpalatable economy has piled Kwoka's plate with more cancellations than customers. Four large corporations that in past years hired Kwoka to prepare private meals have backed out, leaving him with a single company to cook for, not enough to justify hiring the usual 30 extra workers. Kwoka estimates the cancellations cost him more than $70,000, and the temporary staff is missing out on big money, too.


REACT: Bottom line: let businesses conduct their business. Everybody hates corporations until they fire you, or stop brining their massive chunks of business your way.

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BEST SEINFELD EPISODE EVER?

If there's a better one than when Kramer 'retires' to Del Boca Vista, I haven't seen it.

Saw this gem last night, and it included the following legendary story threads.

Costanza saying “let's get nuts” and driving out to the Hamptons.
Kramer crushing the oldies in table tennis.
Elaine trying to figure out if her boyfriend Jerome is indeed black.

What I didn't realize fully, however, until I stared at it for a while, was that the episode came in a pristine 16x9 true HD flavor!

It wasn't cropped. It wasn't stretched. It wasn't manipulated at all!

It was GLORIOUS! Almost like the studio filmed the show in a widescreen format, cropped it in 4x3 in order to show it on analog TV, but preserved the original films. Now they have (seemingly) been upconverted to HD!

Why wasn't I told about this!? Where can I buy the entire set on Blu-Ray? (Hold that thought. They'll probably charge $492 for each season, those Blu-Ray Nazi's!)

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HIS REALLY PUT THE “LAST” INTO LASTINGS

Mark Zuckerman's “National's Insider” piece in the Washington Times had this heart warming nugget.

Sunday was Milledge's 24th birthday. The last thing he probably wanted to do to celebrate was go to Dolphin Stadium for a pre-Opening Day workout and team meeting. But that's what every Nationals player and coach was required to do. No exceptions.

Milledge, who has a history of showing up just before the mandatory reporting time and isn't ashamed of it, didn't quite make it on time Sunday. Manager Manny Acta had instructed everyone to be in uniform and in the clubhouse by 4:30 p.m. for his annual season-opening team meeting.

Milledge called to say he was running late, but he still walked in after Acta already had begun addressing his players. The manager had no choice but to fine him.

You can debate whether this is a big deal. In some regard, it's really not. But for a young player who has been afforded plenty of opportunities in his brief baseball career, this was perhaps the latest sign Milledge still needs to grow up.

Upon being named the new leadoff hitter last month, Milledge spoke about how he wasn't going to change his hitting approach just because he was penciled into a new spot in the lineup. He was going to remain aggressive.

Is that the kind of mature approach to hitting the Nationals were looking for? Isn't it the leadoff man's primary job to work the count, give his teammates a chance to see what the opposing starter has got and hopefully reach base in the process?

After countless hours spent working on his defensive skills this spring with coaches Marquis Grissom and Devon White, shouldn't Milledge have been expected to position himself better and get a better jump on Emilio Bonifacio's fourth-inning drive to deep center field? What could have been a harmless flyout - or at worst a double - instead turned into a highlight that was sure to be replayed on ESPN all night: an inside-the-park home run.

REACT: Good times, good times. Only 161 more games to go. Hang in there, Nats Town!

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The new head of Citi Group has had the courage to say what many others won't: “Everybody's got their hand in the mortgage mess.”

HONOLULU (AP) - Citigroup Inc. (C) (C)'s new board chairman, Richard Parsons, said financial institutions are being targeted for creating the nation's financial crisis, but they aren't the only ones responsible.

"Everybody participated in pumping up this balloon. Now the balloon has deflated," he said Monday. "Everybody, in reality, has some part of the blame. But it's much more in the culture to find a villain and vilify the villain."

Besides banks, there was reduced regulatory oversight, loans to unqualified borrowers were encouraged and people took out mortgages or home-equity loans they couldn't afford.

"We had a big party in this country," said Parsons.


REACT: He's right. Many people with no income, no jobs, and no business getting massive mortgages lined up and lie their assess off to get the money. Many others tried to become Donald Trump Jr. and buy up every condo on Florida's southeast coast.

To them, they deserve financial ruin, not a bailout.

But I must disagree with Parsons in one major regard. We were just the ants at this picnic. The big investment banks, Fannie and Freddie, and others put out all the free food. And they did it with perhaps 80% certainty that they were all “too big to fail.”

From my amatuer financial analyst couch, the most fucking CRIMINAL thing that was done, was the bond rating agencies slapping AAA labels on these bundled loans, knowing that they were loaded with complete shit.

It would have been one thing for big ass banks to go belly up with a bunch of $729,000 jumbo mortgages to no-doc Swedish nannies in Long Island. But the bond rating agencies took this financial Agent Orange, loaded it up on a sprayer plane, and proceeded to crop dust everybody's 401k and other investments with it.