Get Your US Open Picks In, Donkeys!

Okay, golf fans! Get ready for our 2nd installment of Czabe's Major Challenge. It's absolutely free, and the first prize this time is an awesome little something called a "Beer Tube."

What in the hell is a beer tube? Well, check out their handy website!

I got a couple of promo tubes myself this week, and they are wicked cool awesome! A perfect compliment to any home bar, tailgate, or professional drink establishment, I love the fact that I can gently pour my favorite Leinie's (Summer Shandy) into a big ol' tube, and serve it up to party folk at my house!

Hell, I'll even autograph the winning tube!

Unless I win, which I still aim to do with my picks. So here goes, on who I like, and who I don't this week at Bethpage.

Group 1
Tiger - duh. I'd be shocked if doesn't win this week.
(Note: Why Paul Casey is in the elite group, is beyond my grasp.)

Group 2
Camillo Villegas - Doesn't putt well enough typically for slick US Open greens, but Bethpage's surfaces are flatter than most US Open venues. Plus, he's got the massive forearm guns to whack it out of the deep stuff.

Group 3
Sean O'Hair - I think this cat has a breakout week coming. His action is so pure, and he hits it long enough to compete on this monster track.

Group 4
Angel Cabrera - I mean, you gotta take El Pato here. Martin Kaymer and Alvaro Quiros?

Group 5
Ben Curtis - Watch, this dude will GRIND out there. He's the quintessential US Open darkhorse.

Group 6
Justin Rose - Best pick of a scraggly lot. Hope you didn't take Trevor. He's a scratch with a wrist injury.

Group 7
Hunter Mahan - Guy is off his form after last fall's Ryder Cup. Still, Mahan is DA-man, if you ask me!

Group 8
Andres Romero - I've been pimpin' this kid as the next great thing for a while. Now, stop making me look stupid, and do something boy!

Group 9
D.J. Trahan - Um, why not. Brian Gay is just happy to be there, and likely spent after his barrage in Tennessee. And David Smail? The judge's kid? Huh?

"........To Their F'ing Graves!"

About 5 minutes before face off Friday night at Joe Louis Arena, I called a friend from the 'Burgh on his cell phone.

He picked up on the 6th ring.

“Just wanted to say, 'fuck you'” I began,” taking advantage of the fact that caller ID eliminates any need for phony pleasantries. “Two championships in ONE year? No. Fuck off. Nobody deserves that much glory.”

My friend laughed. He was in Detroit, shut out of getting a ticket. And he's a doctor!

“Okay, good luck dude. I'm jealous, that's all I can say.”

He said he was off to a nearby bar, content to not flush a grand or more on a seat inside. Wearing his Carolina blue Sidney Crosby jersey from the mid-winter classic, I warned him to watch his back.

Detroit, man. What do those residents have to lose?

I settled in for a delicious Championship Game 7. More than just any Game 7, we only get a trophy-attended 7th game in basketball, baseball, or hockey about once every 3 years. The last one in hockey was in 2006.

The odds weren't good for Pittsburgh. Over the last 18 Championship Game 7's – across all three sports - the HOME team was um... let's see... ah... 18-0.

That's what I'd call a trend.

But you can't account for things in hockey like Maxime Talbot happening. To think Detroit was able to knockout the Pens captain and star, and still not win on home ice?

To para-quote Herb Brooks: “You're gonna take this one to your grave...... to your F-ING grave!”

The 2-0 goal was quintessential hockey. A seemingly innocent play, all the way back inside Pittsburgh's own end, suddenly mushrooms into a very dangerous situation. Like a tornado spawning thunderstorm on a once sunny day.

Osgood gets a little crooked coming out to challenge. Talbot stays calm with the biscuit on his tape. And then plunges the dagger deep into the heart of Red Wing nation.

Wow. Now they are in real trouble. Marc-Andre Fleury is on point tonite. The minutes are bleeding away. Crosby is still in the locker-room. I'm sure every Red Wing fan was saying to themselves “this can NOT be happening!”

Finally, Detroit scores late, and now we've got an electric finish. I'm not being cliched when I said I adjusted my prone position in the 5-Hour Energy Dome to a more upright and anxious stance on the front edge of the microfiber.

I wasn't really rooting for either team. I just knew it was going to really, really, SUCK for somebody.

If Detroit gets the equalizer, I think, there's no way Pittsburgh rallies for the game winner. They were barely putting any pressure on the net once they score went 2-0 anyway.

And if Detroit can't punch home the game tying goal, it's going to be agony.

No disrespect for the Pens. But this was Detroit's series to lose. The Pens were nearly dead on 3 different occasions in this series.

CLIIIINNNNKKKK!

Holy, shit! Somebody just rang the crossbar! Wow.

Finally, 13 seconds left, once faceoff and an empty net. Butterfly kicksave, lunging chest save, and then sticks and gloves went airborn.

That bastard! My buddy was going to have his second parade in less than 5 months.

The Red Wings looked beyond devastated. These are grown men, I thought. Tougher than rodeo clowns on steroids. Several of them hung their heads low, perhaps to avoid being seen crying.

I clapped loudly to myself. Good show, lads. Good, fucking, show!

I'll get back to hating those bastard rival Penguins later. Hell, my Capitals have to figure out a way to get through what might be a 10 year juggernaut of Crosby, Malkin and Company in the East.

For tonite, I figured, I was just glad to have been sitting in front of TV for such a fabulous sporting spectacle.

"She Wasn't That Attractive..."

For the record, let me state that I think justice was done in Eagle, Colorado.

The case brought forth by a 19 year old woman with a history of mental health issues and sexual promiscuity that made her minor sex related injuries difficult to prove were the result of the Kobe encounter, was not enough to blossom into an actual trial and conviction before a jury of Kobe Bean Bryant's peers.

Yeah, she may have decided not to continue forward because of the stress and pressure of the case. Yeah, she might have been paid off under the table. (A civil action was settled out of court, so you do the math.)

But in the end, Kobe earned his freedom, and paid a severe price in terms of money, fame, sleep, and marital leverage. That doesn't mean I have to believe he did NOT in fact, rape that mentally whacked 19 year old desk clerk in Eagle. In fact, it is not contradictory to say that even though the legal system deemed Kobe not guilty, my bar of guilt, or yours, can be set anywhere your judgement allows.

Above all, I do pride myself as being “the guy who remembers things” in sports. I don't like it when history and facts are glossed over, or thrown down the memory hole and covered in dirt. As such, I got this email recently.

>>>>>>>>>>>

TO: Czabe
FROM: Jody Plauche
RE: Kobe

Czabe,

I just want to thank you for reminding your listeners that Kobe Bryant is a rapist! I loved what you said when that guy said his favorite Laker was Kobe! You said, "want me to provide you with some transcripts!"

If you do need to provide a link to anyone, here is the smoking gun like to the Kobe file:

Kobe Rape Files

>>>>>>>>>>>>

If you read the entire thing, two things strikes you immediately.

1.Kobe Bryant is a real creep!
2.Kobe Bryant is a real IDIOT!

The exchanges are both priceless and breathtaking in their narcisissim. And the decision to go it alone, without lawyers or agents, talking to detectives at such length, just to “make it go away” was like performing do-it-yourself-dentistry.

I have hand transcribed some of the best parts. The following is not for young eyeballs, so be forewarned. Also, I have edited several exchanges, not to alter the context, but just for brevity sake.

If you want the full treatment of how you ask for post sex autographs, dirty white undershirts, how Shaq handles these bimbos, bleeding, Kobe's other road bimbo, and more, then click the link and dig in. Here's the – pardon the pun, it was simply too easy - “money shot” of the entire interview with the detectives.

Detective Loya: Did you ever ask her if you wanted, if you could cum in her face?
Bryant: Yes. That's when she said no. That's when she said no. That's when she said no.
Detective Loya: So you like to cum in your partner's face?
Bryant: That's my thing. No always, I mean. So I stopped. Jesus christ man...
Detective Winters: So how was this, how was this consensual, I mean wha wha, explain to me how this was consensual?
Bryant: It sounds pretty fucking crazy to me (inaudible) and all that.

Detective Loya: So the blowjob lasted about 5 seconds?
Bryant: Yeah, it was quick.
Detective Loya: Then what happened?
Bryant: Wait, not, I mean she was, kept on doing, I just told her to get up, (inaudible) she didn't know what she was doing.

Detective Winters: You gonna be ready for the season?
Bryant: I don't know man. I don't even know if I'll be able to play this season with this shit going on. If it becomes public I'll lose my wife...
Detective Loya: How long you been married?
Bryant: And all my endorsements...
Detective Loya: How long you been married?
Bryant: Two years. My wife and daughter, they mean everything man, everything man, and up an until now (inaudible)...

Bryant: I can't believe this girl. What does she want from me?
Bryant: What does she want. What does she want?
Detective Winters: I don't think she wants anything.
Bryant: Are you kidding me?
Detective Loya: What are you willing to give her?
Bryant: She has to want, she has to want something (inaudible) she has to want something.
Detective Winters: What do you mean she has to want something, I don't understand?
Bryant: She has to have a motive, to do, she has to have a motive to do this.
Detective Winters: What would be, what do you think her motive is then?
Bryant: She must be trying to get money or something. (Inaudible)
Detective Loya: Are you willing to pay that if she is?
Bryant: I got to. I got to. I'm in the worst fucking situation.

Detective Winters: And I understand, and just let me finish okay. So one you lied to us, okay, that doesn't help. Two, um, then, we confront this issue and you seemed a little bit skeptical in the details of exactly what happened throughout the entire incident, okay? (edit) See, this is the way I at it, I, you know, I look at it this way, she's an attractive young lady.

Bryant: She wasn't that attractive.

REACT: To quote Michael Scott: “Boom... roasted.”

And now, back to your regularly scheduled Kobe Image Rehabilitation, already in progress.