Protected Species

We lead this Friday with a great riff from Drew Magary at Deadspin.com about the continuing sissi-fication of the league.

By the way, a giant FUCK YOU to Tom Brady's weak little knee for destroying roughing the passer and unnecessary penalties across the entire league. Every game I've seen this year has featured at least one completely unjustified personal foul penalty. I've seen secondary players flagged for putting a shoulder in the wideout's chest. I've seen defensive ends flagged for tackling the QB at the waist. I've seen players flagged for roughing the QB despite merely grazing them half a millisecond after the ball is thrown. It's fucking ridiculous. I understand the need to protect offensive players as the game grows faster and more violent. That's fine. I have no problem with the rules. My problem is that the rules are being enforced poorly. This isn't shit that refs should be figuring out on the fly. They should fucking be consistent about this shit right now. Teams are getting hosed left and right. Defenders are letting QB's run free because they're afraid to wrap up. It's a joke.

Nice stick, Drew. Let me pile on, helmet first, Chuck Cecil style...

Indeed, the nutless bean counters at NFL properties and the TV division wet their pants at the thoughts of losing a single marketable star, especially cross-promotional heart-throb married to a supermodel. Last I checked, however, the league didn't collapse into a smoldering pile of melted shoulder pads last season. No franchises folded. Super Bowl was pretty bitchin, if I recall. These wanks however, are totally unaware of the fact that legions of football mad fans will watch the NFL no matter what stars are currently popping 86 percocets on Monday morning just to get out of bed. While I don't condone the obvious cheap-shotting that was prevalent in the 1970s and 80s, there must be some level of violence that is accepted. There will be blood. Handle it, Goodell.

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Kudos (I guess) to Michelle Wie for helping land golf a spot on the Olympic schedule (although I doubt she was much more than a ceremonial cherry on top). Now, I wonder if she'll wave her Nike contract around and ask for an exemption. Either that, or just snub the women's team, and claim all along it was her life dream to play on the men's Olympic golf team. Cue clueless non-golfing media members to write about how great a Woods-Wie Olympic pairing would be. FAIL.

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And now, Jimmy Masterlock for Week #5! Jimmy has been colder than lake trout in a trunk during a Minnesota winter lately, so if he doesn't pick it up, he'll be dialing his cell phone with broken thumbs. My advice, take Jimmy's bucket of steam, and run the other way – right to the cashier's window!

LAST WEEK: 1-3
SEASON: 5-12

Carolina -3.5 vs. Washington
An 0-3 team, at home, in desperation, coming off a bye week, is 77-1 all time ATS and SU when less than a TD favorite against an opponent who has hired an “outside consultant” during the week. Great spot for Carolina. PICK: Panthers 31-20.

Baltimore -9 vs. Cincinnati
At home, the Ravens are a flat-out buzz-saw. Even though the Bengals seem to be loveable cardiac kids this season, the close shave against hapless Cleveland last week has me officially off their wagon. PICK: Ravens 44-18.

New England -3 at Denver
Who has the cooler cut-off sweatshirt, Belichick or McDaniels? Lots of bad blood here, especially with how Denver bounced the Pats several years ago in the playoffs on that controversial Champ Bailey 99 yard INT return for a TD. Patriots missed the playoffs last year, and botched their perfect season two years ago, but they still get Super Bowl Champion effort from every opponent. All that said, I'm still not buying Denver. PICK: Patriots 20-13.

BARKING DOG
Atlanta +2.5 at San Francisco
Here's why it pays to watch the games, or at least read the box score. Even though the final score of last week's win over St. Louis was lopsided, this was a 7-0 game deep into the third. Atlanta has had a tough, front loaded schedule to some degree, but will be ready off their bye week to remind folks they remain as solid as they come in the NFL right now. PICK: Atlanta 27-21.

Well, They Were Such A Nice Family

On second thought, never mind.

Greg Norman has added to his already legendary douchebaggery in golf and beyond, by quietly announcing that he and his "new" love of his life, Chrissy Evert, have separated.

Do you think he called Andy Mill to say: "You can have her back, now, mate."

Now I understand that it takes two to tango, and all ugly divorces have many versions of the truth. But of all the people who would submarine a family and then bail after 15 months, Greg Norman is the poster child.

Back when Norman wooed Chrissy away, Mill had this to say:

Mill, 53, said he had been devastated by the split with Evert and described December 4 – when their divorce and their multimillion-dollar settlement was finalised – as "the worst day in my life".

"I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone," he said. "But it happens and you can't make somebody love you, in the case of my ex-wife. You have to move on and so I'm moving on. It (recovering from the split) is a work in progress."

"Greg Norman at one time was my best friend, and a year and a half ago I would have taken a bullet for this guy," Mill said yesterday. "But I didn't realise he was the one that was going to pull the trigger."

Sports Illustrated ran a gooey, gushy, and long article about how perfect the two new lovebirds were for each other. Maybe the magazine should have waited a few years until the torrid 50-something athlete sex wore off.

Wrote SI...

Strict moralists will look at the circumstances of their initial attraction—the messy entanglement of a wealthy sportsman with the wife of a good friend, Andy Mill; the Madison County--style longings of a hausfrau with three school-age children—and deliver a swift verdict of no. To bolster their case, the scolds need only point to the postseparation remarks of Laura Andrassy, who told an Australian newspaper that Evert had been "aggressive" in pursuit of her husband of 25 years ("In front of me, like I didn't exist") and that Norman's quest for superstardom in both golf and business had left her feeling "like a single mom."

Here, for example, we find Greg resting his bare feet on Chrissie's knees while he reads the Financial Times. "We both have foot fetishes," she explains, gently tugging on one little piggy while coyly eyeing another. "We rub each other's feet all the time." She tilts her head as she runs her thumbs up his calloused soles. "Boy, feet. I think all athletes know the importance of feet."

"Chrissie likes to do things with me," Norman says, kicking off his shoes as N1GN breaks through the clouds over Santo Domingo. "One of the greatest compliments a spouse can give you is to simply say, 'Hey, can I come with you? Hey, let's go for a hike in the Tibetan mountains.' My ex-wife never gave me that."

Listen to Norman: "She makes me feel alive again." Listen to Evert: "We're better people together."

To quote Moe Syzlak: "Not no more you aint!"

Do Not Adjust Your TV Sets....

This has been bothering me from the very first "Saturday Night With Uncle Brent" telecast, and I demand answers. Sadly, my lazy Google skills gave up after two half-hearted searches for answers. "Poor HD on ABC college football" netted nothing. If you have read a TV geek blog somewhere with more info, do pass it along.

Either that, or my prescription is seriously out of whack.

Subject: Question for Steve on ABC Sat Night HD Broadcast

Andy / Steve I love your show and have been a listener for several years. Czabe your morning show is now my #1 go to. Czabe this is directed to you since it falls into one of your “powers”, ….As mentioned I listen to your fox morning show and believe you mentioned this previously but I wasn’t able to hear your take.

Is it me or does the HD broadcast of ABC’s Saturday night College game stink?

I admit, last Saturday night I had a couple cocktails while watching the Miami / Okla game on my 52 inch but the booze couldn’t have crippled my vision that bad! Their pull back shots of the line of scrimmage before the snap are fuzzy and there studio pop-in shots where enough to make me clean my glasses and stop drinking.

CBS’s game during the day is far superior to ABC’s broadcast. Are we being ripped off? Each week it seems to get worse or is it me just looking for problems.

- Scott M

REACT: Scott, it's not you, I've been on this all year. If you look closely, you can tell the HD picture is degraded because the "graphics bar" that contains the score and time which runs along the top, has artifacts and pixelation. This is NEVER the case in a proper HD feed. Something is fishy. Time for ABC/Disney/ESPN to come clean.

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George Will has an angle on why the big Obama push at the IOC HQ was such an epic FAIL:

Both Obamas gave heartfelt speeches about ... themselves. Although the working of the committee's mind is murky, it could reasonably have rejected Chicago's bid for the 2016 games on aesthetic grounds -- unless narcissism has suddenly become an Olympic sport. In the 41 sentences of her remarks, Michelle Obama used some form of the personal pronouns "I" or "me" 44 times. Her husband was, comparatively, a shrinking violet, using those pronouns only 26 times in 48 sentences. Still, 70 times in 89 sentences was sufficient to convey the message that somehow their fascinating selves were what made, or should have made, Chicago's case compelling.

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Apparently, many of you Fox Sports Radio listeners greatly appreciated my Foghorn Leghorn voice when talking about the Bobby Bowden rumors and the state trustee who has fired the first salvo. Thanks to Czabe loyalist and frequent contributor Brian Finnell for pulling a classic Foghorn bit from the Interwebs....



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