"You Have Failed Me For The Last Time"

What exactly is Roger Goodell waiting for on the inevitable suspension of Raiders coach Tom Cable?

It's rather evident that SOMEBODY hit assistant coach Randy Hansen.

Either that, or perhaps a stray sandbag on a rope came swinging by in the meeting and clobbered him, just like on the Saturday morning cartoons.

How come Goodell doesn't suspend Cable immediately, and then they can re-instate him once he is CLEARED of the allegations?

The Raiders have spiraled into a land of dysfunction that is hard to even get your head around these days. If the organization isn't berating reporters who don't toe the PR line, they are trying to cover up coaching staff dustups and barring former QB's like Rich Gannon from entering the building to do his pre-game prep work for CBS.

Then there's Jamarcus Russell.

What can you say about a guy who has authored more sub-50% passing games in his career, than plus-50% games?

He's the Black Ryan Leaf. Only with perhaps LESS professionalism and work ethic.

I wonder if somewhere, Pete Rozelle is laughing his ass off at all of this in heaven? There is no clear succession plan for cryptkeeper like Al Davis. And chances are, he'll live on for another decade plus like Fidel Castro, defying every actuarial table on life expectancy.

Even if a professional football HAZMAT crew were sent in by the league, the clean-up would take years. You'd need to drain the swamp of bad players, bloated contracts, and then start re-stocking the draft pick cupboard.

Which is too bad. Because having the Raiders as a legitimately bad ass team is fun. That uniform, and that logo, remains awesome. But when it's attached to a team of complete tools, it loses it's edge.

But then again, it could be worse, right? Darth Vader might actually BE the next head coach or owner.

You Don't Mess With the Zoron

Beware anybody who claims something is their “sacred duty.”

Righteousness is a scary personality trait.

For example, how about Senator Jay Rockefeller earlier this summer: “We cannot finish this year without passing major health care reform. It's our sacred duty to the American people."

Meanwhile, Jim Zorn stated that it was his “duty” to challenge a muffed punt by Antwaan Randle El on that resulted in a turnover.

For those that don't know the play. Here goes....

Antwaan Randle El is clearly, undisputedly crashed into by a team-mate who was trying to block for him. It was my understanding, that this is a penalty on the kicking team.

I was wrong.

In the rule book, you will find....

RULE 10, Section 1, Article 4
No opponent may interfere with the fair catcher, the ball, or his path to the ball. Penalty: 15 yards from spot of foul and fair catch is awarded.

Article 4 During any kick (except one which fails to cross the scrimmage line), if
any receiver could reach the kick in flight, no player of the kickers shall interfere with
either:

a - the receiver;
b - the ball; or
c - the receiver’s path to the ball

NOTE: Nothing here that says “but it's okay if you get blocked into the receiver making the fair catch.”

Still, at first, the refs called “illegal touching” because they thought the Panthers touched the ball, not the blocked Westbrook. But then they huddled up, and got the call right.

That's when Zorn, decided to challenge. Why? Because he claims it was his “duty” to do so!

Whenever a coach makes a challenge like that, it is because he is weak and timid. He is basically begging the refs for mercy. “Oh, please, please, help us out here!”

If you were to summarize Zorn's red flag appeal, it would go something like this: “Realllllyyy? Are you sure? Like, uh, sure-sure, about that? You are. Really? Um, could you check? Uh huh. Sure. I'll wait right here. Thanks.”

"Well, you know, it was, the officials recommended that because of all the confusion that, you know, hey, you know, this is, a, you know, they just said this is a challengeable call," Zorn smoothly explained during his press conference. "And up in the box, we were debating the rule of the fair catch, and so I wanted them to rehash that, and I thought it was the right call to challenge. I mean, if I didn't challenge it, I would be kicking myself if it could have been in our favor, so it was worth the timeout for me."

Writes Dan Steinberg on the DC Sports Bog:


No. False. Wrong answer. Try again. First of all, I wasn't familiar with that rule, and I wish I had been, but I'd have expected a staff full of NFL assistants to know the rule book better than me. Second of all, "Wanted them to rehash that?" I mean, like what, change their minds about the rules? Third of all, it would only have been "worth the timeout" if spending the timeout had earned you anything. Like, say, a donut. Since the call was clearly correct, this was taking a timeout and lighting it on fire for no reason at all.

Earlier in the half, Zorn flushed his 1st timeout because he claims the refs were slow to spot the football on a 4th and 3.

"What happened on that, it was the fourth-down call, and we're waiting for them to spot the ball," Zorn said. "Well, the clock's running, and I'm looking, I'm trying to call a play, but I don't know where they're going to spot the ball. I don't know if it's gonna be 4th-and-5, 4th-and-2, 4th-and-7, what was it gonna be. And so all's I could do was call timeout."

Net-net: Zorn's an incompetent clown.

Should the Redskins ever find themselves in a big game, do you have even the remotest sense that Zorn would be able to navigate the tight strategic waters of a close game in the 4th quarter?

Any?

And yet, I still get these emails. This is real. I kid you not.

TO: Steve and Andy
FROM: Brian Hobbs

RE: Zorn

You guys make my hair hurt and my head ache. You drone on and on about the Skins. First of all the Skins had that game won until El and Blades blew it on special teams. I still have not heard you mention did El not have his hand up for a fair catch? If that is a legitimate play then lets begin practicing blocking a receiving team player into the guy calling for a fair catch and we will get better over night i guarantee. Zorn has all the tools to be the next Gibbs. He needs some sideline time to get comfortable we need to give these guys some time before we pile on. It took your BMF Cowher years to become a consistent winner. It takes more than 18 months it takes 3-4 years give the man the time and yes Andy stop looking at your watch because we need to draft some players too. GET OVER IT IT TAKES TIME IN THE NFL.

REACT: (jaw drop... blink... blinkblink.)

It's Bag Packing Time

Kids, it's time to pack your bags. Our freedom flight to a better land, where we can hope anew for a better life is almost at hand.

It's going to be Houston Texistan or bust!

The current Redskin regime is unstable, and hope has been abandoned.

As I wrote almost a year and half ago, this will be regarded as a bold adventure.

But back to the "refugee status" concept in the NFL ... Does it even exist? Can one honestly claim it? And what are the terms and conditions?

I believe that every fan is entitled to ONE change of allegiance per sport -- IN THEIR LIFETIME.

However it is permanent, and absolute. No second thoughts, flip-flopping or front-running are permitted.

I was not going to change my nationality; I was just seeking a place to land for a period of 10 to 20 years, or until it was safe to return. Not unlike an Afghani donut shop owner here in America who someday yearns to return to his native land when such a shop can be opened over there without risk of beheading.

My plan was to find a team that would "take me in" and allow me to root in earnest for a franchise that is not so arrogant and reckless in their football business as The Snyderskins.

I knew I would be on "probationary" status with that team. I planned to work hard reading message boards and team history to properly assimilate.

And should my new "team / country" have enjoyed great football success, I vowed to keep my head low and heart humble, since I was such a newcomer to what might have been decades of suffering.

The Green Bay Packers would have been a logical choice for refuge. There is no "owner" and as you know, I've been a "virtual" Wisconsinite through Bob & Brian for almost 12 years running.

But, I just wouldn't feel quite right.

I also didn't want to jump to any team that was even remotely any good. To do so would bring charges of bandwagon jumping, and perhaps rightly so.

I couldn't flee to a team in my own division, the NFC East. To do so, would be as bad as a Serbian running across the border to Kosovo.

I needed an NFL refugee "country" with all the right parameters. Somebody who was not particularly good, had no long suffering fans to resent my jumping on board their slow boat to football insanity, and had a color scheme and logo I could tolerate.

After much consulting with the good folks at NFLShop.com, I decided that this place called "Houston Texistan" looked like it might be just the right place to hang out for a decade or so until things in "Redskins Nation" sorted themselves out.

Not only is their nation's color scheme and official logo quite sharp -- a deep blue primary, with red and white accents in the outline of a giant steer skull -- but the team itself met all my criteria.

Recently resurrected from the ashes of the Oilers, there's no history per se to have to learn or tiptoe around. The aren't very good now, and have never been.

And best of all, I could still HATE the Godless Cowboys as much as I did while residing in Redskins Nation.

As Borat would say: "Isssss niiiicce! High five-ah!"

I tend to think most Houston Texans fans would welcome me to their small and growing little NFL nation. However, I must confess, I have yet to actually meet or hear from a real live, Texan-istani.

For now, I'm going to stay put in my little one-story brick and mud hut here under the tyranny of Snyder. Things likely won't get better anytime soon, but I dream of celebrating Snyder's exit by dancing in the streets under the beautiful Burgundy and Gold banner.

On that day, the pain and suffering will be forgotten.