Now That's What I Call "Internet Famous!"

You can file this one under: "That's nice, but it won't exactly pay my bills!"

On Monday morning, I was at one point the 5th most searched "thing" on a little website you might have heard of, called um... GOOGLE, MOTHERF***ERS!

Now, sadly, it was because my morning sports radio show had been unceremoniously, and shockingly yanked from over 186 terrestrial affiliates and also XM 142 after 7 years of fun and jackassery.

I tried to warn everybody, but being the holidays, I suppose news travels slow.

Now, would I have liked to surpassed "cisco cotto" (WTF!)? Sure. Maybe next time.

When my web guru Kirk told me about this, I was floored. Google? THE Google?

I'm 5th! Whooo hoooo!

Never mind that I was already "famous" for being a (formerly) nationally syndicated radio host, with a popular local radio show in market #8, and a 13 year stint on the most popular morning radio show in Milwaukee, and a very popular website visited by over 45,000 unique visitors daily.

Nah, never mind all that. I take that for granted.

Google. Fucking, google!

Redskins Intervention

Have you ever seen how they start meetings at addiction support groups?

“Hi, my name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic (drug user, porn addict, etc.).”

It’s that simple.

They don’t want to know where you work, what school you went to, how nice your car, house, wife might be. Because it doesn’t matter.

You are in that room, in that circle, because you have a problem. And the only thing that really matters, is you admitting that problem loud and clear, without any “ifs, ands, or buts.”

The Redskins need to pull up a chair in that circle and do the same.

“Hi, my name is the Washington Redskins, and I am a laughingstock.”

When the Shanahan Regime gets fully installed, there will be inevitable hope for immediate turnarounds, and another “quick fix” springtime of free agents and draft picks.

This will be fools gold, again.

The Redskins have been a mediocre franchise on their best days the last ten years under Dan Snyder, an abject joke the rest of them.

Turning things around – truly, “changing how we do business” as Bruce Allen said on Monday – will require the following three things…

1. Realism
2. Control
3. Focus

Let me elaborate.

Realism
This is perhaps the hardest part of the equation for both fans and Snyder. We suck. We are a joke. Look around us, who are our NFL neighbors? I’ll tell you who.

Head Coaches the Last 10 Years
1. Redskins (7)
2. Raiders (7)* once they fire Cable
3. Lions (7)
4. Falcons (6)
5. Dolphins (6)
6. Rams (6)

Scoring Average in 2000’s
32. Browns (16.0)
31. Lions (16.2)
30. Redskins (18.1)

Redskins Quarterbacks Since 2000 (10)
Brad Johnson, Jeff George, Tony Banks, Patrick Ramsey, Danny Wuerrful, Tim Hasselback, Mark Brunell, Todd Collins, Jason Campbell.

In the NFL, if you win 10 games, you’ve had a “nice” season. If you win 11, you’ve had a very good year. If you win 12, you have had a great year. If you win 13 games you have had a sensational year. If you win 14, 15 or 16, then you haven’t just had a phenomenal year, but you can say with relative conviction that you are an elite franchise, not just a good team that season.

The Redskins have won 10 games or more exactly ONCE since 1991.

The Redskins have won their division, exactly ONCE since 1991.

By comparison, the Eagles have won the NFC East 5 times in the last 10 years, the Patriots the AFC East 7 of the last 10, the Colts have won the AFC South 6 of the last 7.

As I say to my buddies: “Unless you win 12 games in this league, you ain’t shit.”

We’re not shit.

There’s one Pro Bowler on this current roster.

One.

So let’s stop saying “there’s enough talent here to win.”

Pro Bowl caliber salaries? Sure. All over the place. And that’s most of the problem.

Until we as Redskins fans – and more importantly, ownership, coaches and players – realize how fucked up we are, we won’t have the ability to get better.

Realism: “Hi, my name is the Redskins, and I am a laughingstock.”

Control
This part is relatively simple. Who has the hammer on this team? It better be Shanahan. Because the days of going around coaches backs to the owner need to end. Now.

The days of the owner having lunch on a weekly basis with certain players? Over.

The days of the owner going to Las Vegas for a hi-roller party with the star running back? Over.

The days of injured linebackers watching the game from the owner’s box? Over.

There needs to be a clear and unbreakable chain of command, and it needs to be an Allen-Shanahan partnership. A mommy and a daddy.

I don’t want Shanahan giving Allen a grocery list of player needs and sending him out the door. I want true collaboration. I want some creative GM-Coach tension. I want some healthy fights about what players to keep, what players to draft.

I also don’t want Snyder flying around on his jet, having dinners with agents and players this off-season. Enough dinners already. Having dinner with a player doesn’t tell you shit about him. It just sets the wrong tone for the entire negotiation. We want you here as a player. We think you are worth this much. Are you interested?

No? Fine. Move on.

The wine and dine culture, then translates into the corrosive locker-room that helped sink this season.

Focus
This is the most under-rated quality of any successful person, or company.

Focus.

The ability to train your mind on a goal, and to keep relentlessly pursuing it until it is achieved. Not letting distractions, setbacks, or additional burdens slow your pursuit.

Focus.

Does this new Redskins brain trust have the focus to endure what will certainly be a transitional (read: no playoff) year in 2010? Do they have the focus to then press ahead with a growing year (maybe playoffs) in 2011? If all goes well, then maybe they could have a contending year in 2012.

Can this current regime, actually go through 3 non-playoff seasons, and not make any panic moves? Can they say: “Well, we went 5-11 in year 1. But we cleared out many bad apples and started restocking our talent. We went 7-9 and showed some promise in year 2. And in year 3 we went 9-7 but could have easily won 11 games except for a few bad breaks. Let’s not make any sharp moves. We’re doing fine, and with a little bit of help on the injury front next year, we think we’re gonna have a really good football team.”

Can they actually do this? Can we as fans be patient along the way?

Can we focus?

Remember, the “let’s win it all NEXT year!” philosophy has been the primary cause of this decade of misery. We’ve had a bad decade, on top of another bad decade before that!

These things don’t get turned around easily.

Realism, Control, and Focus.

It’s simple, but difficult. Like recovery, one day at a time.

Playing for the T-Shirt

Well, that Wes Welker injury ought to shut everyone up about Jim Caldwell and the Colts not going for the win last week against the Jets.

If not that, how about the absurd snowstorm the Colts would have been obliged to chase history through?

Are we done yet?

The banter from NFL talking heads on this issue was nothing short of comical. It was like Caldwell had robbed a bank. The consensus seemed to be that you simply HAD to go for “history” by trying to win even meaningless late season games. Even though Bill Polian correctly pointed out that going 16-0 was not historic. (See Patriots, 2008.) Nor was it ever one of their goals.

Polian, correctly saw the regular season and winning the Super Bowl as two separate things. The pundits wanted him to see it as one great tapestry upon which Peyton Manning could have painted a masterpiece.

The fans, well, they seemed to be rooting for the t-shirt.

“The Colts: 19-0! The Greatest Team Ever!”

Except that would be highly debatable. Perfect is not greatest.

The Colts had many games this year in which they were dead to rights. Greatest escape artist team ever, perhaps.

The Dolphins out-time-of-possessioned them 45-15 in minutes, and they still needed a 48 yard Pierre Garcon catch and run in the final minute. Joe Addai throws a gadget pass for a TD to escape the Niners 18-14. Kris Brown chokes on a 44 yarder at the gun. A two point squeaker against the Ravens.

Bill Belichick gets nutty.

These Colts are mighty good. A juggernaut, no.

Yet former players who now get paid to talk on TV, almost never pass up a chance to sound tough, get outraged, or second guess a coach. You’ll never hear one say: “Eh, big deal. It’s the smart thing to do.”

Now, Roger Goodell, one of the dimmest bulbs to ever land on top of a major sporting league, has said the league is going to investigate ways to give teams an incentive to play all their starters to the bitter end of a season.

Yeah. Sure. Good luck with that.

Compensatory draft picks? Get real. How many 3rd rounders would it take for the Colts to risk Peyton Manning getting creamed in the snow? Would the Saints have played Drew Brees for a half, and then walked over to the commissioner on the sideline and ask for their draft pick coupon?

And please don’t start with the “fans are getting ripped off” angle. Fans get ripped off all the time. They are very much aware of the rip offs out there (parking, $8 beers). When you arrive at Week 17 and you have tickets to see Peyton play your Bills, and he sits, that’s bad luck. Not a ripoff.

Besides, fans would be elated if the Bills were playing for their own playoff spot.
There is no way for things to be perfectly equitable for every team as the season unravels in the final weekend. It is a sloppy buffet of the-bus-is-running-outside-already (Giants), skeleton rosters (Redskins), and no-thank-you portions of playing time (Chargers).

Next time, win more games.

And you guys on TV, find something more interesting to talk about.

There might be a Super Bowl parade in Indy this year, but you can cancel the t-shirt.