That's My Girl!

America's Golfing Sweetheart is a flat out strawberry studmuffin.

On the most sadistic US Open venue, with greens that breathe fire into every 4-footer, the LPGA's most photo-genic player demonstrated how to execute a hammer-close while wearing pink ribbons.

Paula Creamer is awesome.

I'd say it's too bad she doesn't get the hype of lil'-miss-pouty-lips (82-76-trunkslam), but then again, I like it that Paula belongs to us golf nerds who appreciate the package.

Smile. Game. Killer instinct. Pink on pink. She's got the girlie-girl look, but she still puts the emphasis on ggggrrrrrr!

An ass kicking, name taking, no excuse-making gal you can really root for.

Any tart with a 2-handicap can knock it around on the LPGA, shoot 74, and make $68,500 a year. Then dress up all sexy-like, do some photo shoots, and parlay that gig into another $1M a year off-the bentgrass.

Sorry to knock the likes of Natalie Gulbis, Anna Rawson, or say Sandra Gal. (Rawson and Gal below, you've already downloaded enough Gulbis. Pervs.)




But Creamer excites many of us men not just for her 300-yard-bomb of a smile, but her golfing toughness.

I remember when she won as an 18 year old. I remember when she made the Solheim Cup team as a rookie, and then bragged at the presser about how they were going to whup the Euros. I remember how she wanted Laura Davies in singles, and then gutted her like a big fish in dramatic fashion.

Now, look at how she's shook off the US Open disappointments of the last two years in which she faded badly on Sunday.

She played this week fresh off a four month recovery from thumb surgery. Her bandaged digit was still so sore, she could only hit 40 warm up shots before each round to lessen the wear, tear, and pain.




Studette.

Scorecard match this toughness with the Punahou High Flash.

Michelle Wie had a wrist injury that occurred when - her story, not mine - she was jogging backward and fell!

Even though that wrist never got cut on by a doctor, it was milked for almost 2 and a half years of excuses, withdrawals, and general angst anytime she played like crap.

Two-and-a-HALF-years.

(Can you please read that as slowly as you can, so it can come across the way I intend it. There you go! Thank you.)

Creamer has a 4 month, in-season layoff, and then wins the Open with a duct-taped hand.

Wie uses a mysterious wrist-ouchie to walk off multiple courses, including, the inexcuseable-to-this-day "Rule of 88" abomination in Florida.

Is there any wonder why I root for The Stanford Millionaire to shoot a BILLION every time she puts it in the ground?

Way to go Paula! Your photo is going up on the bedroom door of both of my daughters. I'm sure your pops and family, is mighty proud too. Get your thumb right, and keep kicking ass.

There might be hope for the LPGA Tour after all!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Here's a nice little sampler platter of Paula from Sunday at Oakmont.

Did That Really Just Happen?

Well, I'm wrong as rain, yet again. Put it on my room tab, I'll pay up by credit card on the way out.

But for an outcome that matched all the rumors and reports, how is it that I am more stunned the morning after, than I was last night when I heard it?

I have this feeling of: "Man, I gotta get my head around what all of this actually means now."

For LeBron, I'm struggling to find any upside. Any.

Yes, he gets to play in a warm, international city, with his buddies. He might someday win a championship.

And....... that concludes the "upside" portion of his Decision 2010.

The downsides are all over the place.

The manner in which the announcement was made, will go down in the PR Bible under the chapter of "Don't Ever, Ever, Do It This Way".

More importantly, how can he even call himself "King James" anymore? The guy has voluntarily downgraded his status in the league. He's an accessory now.

In a span of 27 eyeball glazing minutes on ESPN, LeBron James morphed himself from potentially "The Greatest Player of All Time" into a jezebel Scottie Pippen.

The King? Please. He's now middle management in Miami. He's Dwight Schrute with a 48 inch vertical.

Did that really just happen?

Clearly, James and his high school homies who manage his image, tend to his empire, and control his "brand" didn't really think this one through beyond the initial two moves on the sports chessboard of greatness.

If they don't win a championship THIS year, it's EPIC FAIL.

If they never win one together, it's ALL TIME EPIC FAIL.

Every casual or "on-the-fence" LeBron "fan" just fell off the fence. On the wrong side.

Every other NBA team is going to lick their chops when Miami Thrice comes to play. They just signed up for 82 consecutive regular season "Game 7" efforts from opponents.

Cavs owner Dan Gilbert may have done himself and his franchise irreparable damage with that open letter to fans. But guess what? You aren't going to escape his wrath without further image damage to yourself.

You can say Gilbert is a ranting lunatic, but people do listen to ranting lunatics.

Many will listen and say: "Oh. Really? Wow. Didn't know that...."

Gilbert is now the crazy spurned girlfriend who just threw your clothes and shit out the window onto the street. He's the crazy bitch, we get it. But crazy bitches run around and tell all the dirty secrets about you, and that's not going to be fun.

Gilbert has the freedom now to elaborate on the absurdly feeble exits to the post-season James authored the last two seasons.

"He quit," Gilbert said in an interview with the AP right after "The Decision." "Not just in Game 5, but in Games 2, 4 and 6. Watch the tape. The Boston series was unlike anything in the history of sports for a superstar."

Gilbert continued, saying LeBron quit against Orlando in 2009 as well.

"Go back and look at the tape," he said. "How many shots did he take?"

You can say Gilbert is wrong to be saying this now, but the substance is 1000% correct. A fair defense of Gilbert's bitterness is that he did all he could to provide a championship caliber team to Lebron. They were the league's #1/#1 seed going into the post-season.

And then James turtled.

LeBron fucked it up this year. I don't know how you can say otherwise.

Gilbert must have been thinking: Hey, grow up kid, work harder on your game's weak points, become a better leader, stop taking fake pictures with your team making goofy poses, and I'll pay you every dime I'm legally allowed AND put up with all the myriad nonsense and off-court bullshit that I have been keeping buried for the last few years.

It doesn't make what Gilbert did right, or even smart. Felt good, I'm sure. Entertaining as hell for us in the chattering class to discuss.

But he'll pay a dear price for it too.

Like the crazy bitch who throws your clothes out on the street, guys will whisper that one around too.

So Lebron is in Miami. Good for him. I hope he's happy, because he sure didn't look like it on TV. For a moment so big, so career defining, so worth making yourself look like an insufferable ass on TV for, well, he sure did come off as nervous and timid.

That ain't no Global Icon, folks.

Because These Shows Don't Come Around More Than Once Every 20 Years

Face it, you're gonna watch tonite. For the train wreck quality alone. You'll watch. Sure, it's stupid-on-stilts, but its like those donkey-dive-stunts from the 40's.

Why the f would anybody push a mule off a board into a pool of water?

Because it's not something you see every day!

So tonite, Lebron James is going to grab a baseball hat one second, and immediately spike a 500% surge in season ticket prices in another city the next.

It shall be televised on ESPN.

What, did you think Versus was in the running on this one?

If you are trying to flowchart or score all the journalistic conflicts and problems with ESPN on this one, stop. Just stop.

It would be easier to count the exact number of highlights in ESPN's "Final Cavs Lebron Highlight Package". I think the thing went about 4 minutes, and had somewhere easily north of 100 different dunks, blocks, chalk-volcanoes and fake photo-poses.

Overkill. Duh. It's what ESPN does best. And Phil Mushnick takes the biggest bat to this pinata.

A one-hour show for James to announce his new kingdom?

If he doesn't re-sign with Cleveland, it will take only 10 minutes for the price gouging to kick in.

Does ESPN already know James' new team?

Doesn't much matter; ESPN outlets took good care of that yesterday, suggesting that James will sign with five or six NBA teams and one or two in the American Hockey League. It bet every horse in the race; it has the winning ticket.

In the throes of a drought, it's worth remembering that crops die from over-watering, too. That's what ESPN does -- it saturates; it drowns nearly everything it touches in excess. It specialized in root rot; root rot in inevitable.

Yup, ESPN is the perfect place for the consolidation of Too Much and That's Enough. Tonight will be like the gold spike driven to complete the trans-continental railroads. Don't miss it. But who will? We'll try anything, at least once.

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/sports/knicks/truly_bad_decision_dQy1A7o1B8eamJniL7sRNL#ixzz0t8DqCLoS

We are now just hours before the big reveal, and let me get on record with one last prediction. Shocker: he does go to NY, and the Miami rumors were just an orchestrated ruse, approved of by his buddies Wade and Bosh.

Think of it. If this guy went to such lengths to orchestrate a show of this magnitude, then why not go all the way and orchestrate one final little white lie to make the WOW factor even more WOWY when it goes down?

Bron: Knick. Book it.