Requiem for a Dongslinger

Somebody Call Mythbusters!

Since the Minnesota Vikings football team is too boring to examine in any cursory detail, let's probe a more pertinent question: could a man survive the Great Metrodome Snow Dump of 2010?

After looking at this video more than a few dozen times, from various sources, I think that's not a fatal snow dump we are looking at.

Oh, I wouldn't volunteer for an experiment. Not even with Mark Kelso's helmet on, and Tony Siragusa standing over me.

But I think you'd live.

Here's why.

People survive avalanches, don't they? Of course. All the time. How is this anything more than just a smaller, vertical avalanche?

Yes, the cumulative weight of all that snow is tons.

But what would actually hit a standing human being would be a mere fraction of it. Assuming you don't get your head gashed open by a massive ice chunk (let's call that 50-50) that snow dump would knock your ass down, fuck you up good, and leave you more groggy than Ke$ha the morning after a night out with the NY Knicks.

But you'd live.

I believe that. I've seen internet videos of dudes getting crushed and smoked by runaway cars, trapped in horrible train and elevator accidents.

Not fun. Not pretty. They won't be running marathons anytime soon. But they lived.

Don't underestimate the human body, people. It is one resilient mo-fo!

>>>>>>>>>>>

Of course, not everyone agrees.

Dear Czabe:

Let me just start by saying I love your show. That is equivalent to someone saying "No offense" right before calling someone's mother a whore.

Your comments this morning about being able to survive standing directly underneath the MetroDome's collapsing snow might have been the dumbest thing I have ever heard anyone utter on your show. Keep in mind you do provide Al Galdi a microphone that he can actually speak into. You don't have to look this up on Wikipedia, but science tells us that snow is made out of frozen water. Anyone who understands physics would be able to surmise that TONS of a falling object, no matter what it is, descending several hundred feet through a FIBERGLASS roof would cause you an extreme case of DEATH. Your argument that the snow would be a dissipating impact on your bald head as it fell makes about as much sense as one of Paul Charchian's jokes (and is actually more laughable).

By the time the snow has reached you, it has achieved close to terminal velocity, which would cause a severe impact of a nearly solid material - causing massive trauma to your head, internal organs and also suffocating you as you lay unconcious in a pile of pure white Minnesota snow. Please do some moderate thinking before you make such a bold prediction of survival, then again, your record when it comes to stone cold, lead pipe locks is indicative of the lack there of.

Adam in Richmond

Awful Weather, Awful Finish

Just a quick few thoughts on the Redskins game yesterday.

a. I am not in the least bit "mad" about how they lost, because winning and losing has become secondary right now, as this team needs to begin a long, sustained, assault on rebuilding from the ground up. I want this team playing good football right now, and improving. I didn't really see that yesterday, even before the final pie in the face.

b. How can any rational observer have much faith in Shanahan? If Jim Zorn had done what Shanny did at the end of the half, we'd be screaming bloody murder. But what? Just because Shanny has two Elway led Super Bowl trophies from the 90's we're supposed to genuflect? Screw that. Judge this coach, like you would any other coach. By what you see, not the resume.

c. And speaking of what you see, I see a guy in Shanny is not much of a "coach" on the sidelines. Maybe I just miss all of his episodes of teaching and coaching, but all I really see is a lot of "bossing" and scowling. I guess that's his style. We'll see if it works.

d. So far, Shanny has shown that he's not very good at player personnel (examples cited already, ad nauseum), he's not much at motivating players for big games (witness Divisional souffles vs. Philly and New York as of late) and he certainly is not very good at game tactics (witness Sunday, as well as some other examples from this year). So what then, is he good at? I have yet to see anything major about Shanny as a Skins boss that has even mildly impressed me.

e. All of that said, please do not mistake my criticism as a recommendation that he be fired. Not at all. He needs a full 3 years to show me something. My point, is that right now, I have zero confidence in him. It doesn't mean he can't build that confidence. But any faith one has in Shanahan has to be of the blind variety.

f. When I hear that McNabb had to split reps with Grossman on Friday in practice, and when Moose Johnston referred obliquely to how "McNabb clearly had something weighing on his mind" when they held the typical game announcer meeting before Sunday - it means some dark storm clouds are on the horizon. I don't like the feel of this.

g. And for the record, AGAIN. I am 100% in favor of bringing McNabb back next year at his insanely steep price of 12.5 mil (plus the non-refundable $3.5 deposit already paid). Because when you make this kind of move, you are committed. To bail on it now, would be a disaster. Yes, even with McNabb's bounce passes. Does anybody who watches the NFL think that would magically disappear? Grow up. It comes with the package.

h. Shame on FOX for badly botching the down situation at the end of the game. They were dead wrong, from the start. I went back on my DVR and noticed that the Fox yellow line was placed incorrectly at the TWO, and not the three yard line. This began the series of screw ups. How is it, that a veteran network announce team, with a PXP man, a color analyst, a sideline reporter, and I am sure at least ONE spotter with binoculars, misses this crucial fact so completely? They had three downs to realize the down marker on the field was out of whack with their own magical TV "lines." Fundamentals, folks. If network TV crews don't get it that telling viewers definitively what DOWN and DISTANCE it is on every play, then none of the other jib-jabbery means a thing.

i. Danny Smith for the Skins is a very likeable, gum chomping fella. I believe he knows how to coach special teams. But seeing how he was the only major holdover from the old regime, and seeing how uneven-to-god-awful the specials have been this year, I wonder if he's teflon coated. Again, I am not saying he should be fired. I am just wondering, at what point does he pay the price? Never? Wondering.

j. True, Orakpo is getting held damn near every passing play. But complaining about it like the Skins did, both Shanny and #98, after a loss like that, just makes you look weak. Make your point, and move on.

k. Ryan Torain is an awesome runaway dump truck going downfield. But I think he's way too injury prone to depend on him as a #1 back. I'd still keep him on the roster, but you just can't go into a season with him on top of the RB depth chart.

l. Final, hypothetical, philosophic question. The stadium appeared to be (generously) 60-65% full yesterday. Which given the season, and the weather, was understandable. But I was wondering: if the team was itself 7-5 and fighting for a wildcard berth, how many more fans would actually GO to the stadium and risk pneumonia before Christmas, knowing they could watch on TV, and how many would simply say: "I can't wait to root like crazy for this team... from HOME!"