Taking His FAIL To South Beach

He's the King alright.

The King of "Still Doesn't Get It."

For all of LeBron James' considerable talents - undeniable and spectacular - perhaps his biggest talent is the ability to live in a universe that is completely un-related to one everybody else lives in.

Just when I thought LeBron was saying all the right things, growing up in front of our eyes, he uncorks a "hater's rebuttal" last night that fell as flat as a 28-foot desperation airball.

"Absolutely not, because at the end of the day, all the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today," James said. "They have the same personal problems they had today. I'm going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that."

In other words: "You people suck, and I'm still rich and famous. Suck on that."

What James still can't comprehend - and sadly, many of the Miami Heat cultists now trying to spin this debacle - is that people aren't rooting against him PER SE, they are rooting against everything LeBron James and the Heat STAND FOR in sports today.

Flash over substance.
Celebrations before accomplishment.
Immaturity before class.
Hype before humility.

American sports fans are a pretty forgiving lot, all things considered. Most wanted Pete Rose forgiven and re-instated, many still want Tiger Woods to make a comeback, and even athletes nearly convicted of rape and murder (Kobe Bryant and Ray Lewis) can be re-habilitated to the point where they are once again marketable spokesmen in their sports.

So trust me, LeBron is not that far from being liked - even loved - if he can just get it through his dense, overly indulged, juvenile brain.

a. You have to win.
b. You have to at least fake some humility.
c. You have to be honest about your shortcomings.

Stop flopping like a soccer playing girl from the movie "Ladybugs."
Stop making excuses for everything that doesn't go right.
Stop acting like a child while trying to "diss" an opposing player.

I think most satisfying of all, is that what Miami tried to do - while perfectly legal - is only "do-able" in about 4 or 5 NBA cities at best. You need a playground for the rich and famous as your home city (Miami, check, Cleveland, ha!). You need a super deep pocketed owner who doesn't mind perhaps actually losing money in the short run on a very expensive team. And you need one superstar already installed, and another one willing to take slightly less money.

On top of all that, you need an NBA salary "cap" that is more flexible than Plastic Man.

In short, this is no "model" for success that other teams would be wise to try to replicate. In fact, they can't. Half the league can barely attract as single "B" level free agent, much less THREE "A" level guys.

But this will all be addressed in the coming lockout. The NBA should re-calibrate the league so that guys can make a fabulous living playing professional basketball, stuck to the city they are drafted by for the term of their first contract, and make leaving via free agency a serious consideration that is not a "have my cake and eat it too" scenario like Carmelo Anthony engineered this season.

Keep teams on a true "hard cap" and make them feel the consequences of stupid signings.

Then, and only then, you'll have a league. Right now, you have a reality show. And like a dew-eyed bachelorette getting pwned on the final episode by a dude who leaves her high and dry, this LeBron Debacle was some of the sweetest schadenfruede pie - evah!

Consider Me, Vindicated

Oh, sometime around the miserable Steve Spurrier years, I began warning anybody who would listen, that home blackouts in the Redskins future were not just conceivable, but perhaps even likely given the trend of horrible mismanagement of the franchise in the hands of Dan Snyder.

Now, this.

When you are yanking out 6,000 seats while simulataneously claiming a "waiting list" of somewhere between 100,000 and 200,000 wanna-be season ticket holders, then just about every bullshit meter, siren, and flashing red strobe light starts going off in your brain.

As Dave McKenna puts it succinctly in his lead at the Washington City Paper - "Supply is kicking demand's ass at FedEx Field."

Yes, that's the same McKenna and same City Paper being sued by Dan Snyder for defamation.

Hmm. Seems like the lawsuit is failing to silence either one of them, just like a fake waiting list is failing to fill Snyder's cavernous acropolis of FAIL.

As you can expect, there WILL BE spin. The team is saying many things, most of which sound like that guy "Baghdad Bob" during Operation Iraqi Freedom.

The Washington Times reports:

The team source said the project was about “enhancing the fan experience” and unrelated to any possible decrease in demand for tickets.

Of course.
But I have some nagging little questions.

1. How long does it take to complete a project like this? You would think Jan 1 to Sep 1 with a motivated contractor would do the job. Last year's jumbotron installation and smaller "party decks" were completed easily in time for the pre-season. On this one, the Redskins admit the party decks won't be operational until 2012.

2. How come the team STILL, won't comment on the plans for these decks? If it's a "good thing" as Martha Stewart would say, then come out and trumpet this "good thing." Show us the architectural plans. Put out a glossy brochure.

3. What about fans who actually LIKED those seats? Do they get a full refund? If they are moved into other "better" seats, are they required to pay the difference in the cost? Were there really 6,000 unsold seats sprinkled throughout the rest of the stadium that can accommodate everyone?

4. How can you justify a major cost for a project like this, when you are almost sure to bring in less money? Let's run some crude math. The party decks will cost $10 million, I'm guessing. Last year's jumbotron's + "stomp decks" cost $20 million. I'll knock off half that cost, assuming the TV's cost a mint. This figure could be revised upwards, though, depending on how elaborate these "party decks" are. Will they be covered? Partially enclosed? Climate controlled?

So you now have upwards of 6,000 seats that will be gone in 2011 (assuming there's a season) at a loss of conservatively $2.5 million because you couldn't perform this upgrade in one off-season. Then you spend $10 million or more, to reduce all future earning of those 6,000 seats from $75 per game (estimate) to something like $30 per game (estimate).

And this makes business sense? Can extra $9 beers make up the difference?

Again, I premise all of this on the good faith assumption that 200,000 people are desperately trying to get into the building.

Which, ahem, may not be the case.

So if this move to trim the FedEx Field sails prevents future blackouts, then hey, bravo Mr. Snyder! Thank you, as a fan who almost never goes to the stadium, and watches Mike Shanahan botch end-of-game timeout usage from the comfort of my basement.

On the other hand, if the party decks prove to be an unpopular failure, then this might just be a temporary bump on a long fall of attendance at Redskins games.

Can the NFL look the other way in 3 years at a FedEx Field with creepy party decks full of drunken out of town fans, with 10,000 unsold seats in the upper deck?

As McKenna reminds everyone with a short memory: "It wasn’t so long ago (2005, actually) that the team was so cocky about general admission ticket demand that it forced customers to use a Redskins Extra Points MasterCard to buy season tickets."

Those heady days are gone. Dark days are here. And getting darker.

Mr. "Boom Goes The Dynamite" Returns!

For years, Brian Collins was a hermit like Steve Bartman. Now, he's resurfaced!



And if you still like the original, well, as I like to say: "YouTube Never Forgets" and "The Internet Is Never Closed."



Over 10 million combined worldwide views, can't be wrong.