The Remote Control Guaranteed to Drive You Crazy

Might just be, the worst idea ever.

Ever.

Can you imagine your father, or grandfather, trying to find CNN with a freaking WAND?

You'd be better off changing the channel with a gun.

Suh Gets His Taiwanese Animation Close Up

So if Suh gets two games for just quick-stomping the arm of Packers lineman Evan Dietrick-Smith, what would the suspension be if he actually did dismember Mr. Dietrick-Smith limb-by-limb on national TV on Thanksgiving?

Four games? Six? A million?

Only twice before has an NFL player been suspended for two games, or more, for an on-field act of violence. Charles Martin for head-slamming Jim McMahon (2 games), and Albert Haynesworth for face stomping Andre Gurode (5 games). 

Methinks this was a bit harsh, but hey, it's not MY $160,000 that Roger Goodell just STOLE because he was embarassed on Thanksgiving Day over turkey.

I told the players once, I told the players repeatedly this spring and summer: "Draw a line in the sand on this suspension issue with Goodell, because the guy is out of control. You have to make this a deal breaker. Get the suspension gavel out of his hands."

They didn't listen. Or care. So now this is how it goes.

Of course, had Suh cheap-shotted somebody under the pile, or in a way that wasn't caught to clearly, or if he didn't already have a "rep" for being too rough, or if it wasn't Thanksgiving, or if Goodell wasn't so worried about the "next time" precedent....

You get the point.

The players should have said simply: "Pro football is a violent game. Sometimes, things happen. Being kicked out of games is fair. Modest fines ($20K or less) are also do-able to send a message. But we're not going to just let you steal precious paychecks in the name of 'protecting the shield.'"

All that said, Suh is a dirty bitch. Period. The rap sheet he has, is now well deserved. Very good player. Potentially great. Anger problem.

The next move, and the rest of his career is up to him.

"Where Are The Coaches In All of This?"

An excellent point by Bob Costas, and a nice tight 2-minute video essay on the stupidity of jackass wide receivers in the NFL.

Of course, it generated the usual backlash from some columnists and pundits, decrying Costas - and anyone who may agree with him - as angry old white men.

Yawn.

Heard that one more times than a knock knock joke.

The fact remains, however, that jackass wide receivers like Stevie Johnson almost never end up hoisting the Lombardi Trophy.

Walking backwards through the decade where such numbskulls like Ocho-chango-name-o came to prominence, what team featured a loud, hey-look-at-me wideout and rode him to a title?

T.O. came close with Philly. But the cost was high the following season.
Keyshawn won with Gruden and the Bucs. But not really because of him.
Santonio Holmes was more wandering weed-head, than a jackass.

Otherwise, the best teams just have wideouts who know how to do their job, and aren't that concerned about calling attention to themselves. Guys who are catching passes from Drew Brees, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady understand one thing clearly: the dude throwing them tight bullets right to their fingertips 40 times a game, are the guys who will make them rich.

Better to just shut the F up, and play football.

I don't mind a quick, spontaneous celebration from a guy who scores. But anything too premeditated is juvenile at best. Or in the case of Johnson, damaging to your team's chances of winning at worst.

Cutting Johnson immediately - as Merrill Hoge suggested on ESPN - would be extreme.

But it's not like you can't get somebody to replicate what he does. Besides, are the Bills currently winning WITH him right now?

Right.

You are now free to resume calling Bob Costas - and myself - old, white, fun stealing nerds.