Pistol Offense For Dummies

Not that you (or I) are dumb to football. We know plenty, despite what the "experts" on TV and on the sidelines constantly want us to think.

I just thought this article did a great job of explaining the X's and O's of this devastating pistol-based scheme the Redskins are running this year with Robert Griffin III. (Or, "Bob3" my new fave alt-nickname).

Sort of like all those "_____ for Dummies" books out there.

Here's the key quote from Greg Schiano, who went from asshole-who-bullrushes-kneeldowns, to darling-college-newbie-with-exciting-team, to moron-who-might-be-in-over-his-head in the span of just one season.

“As I’ve tried to explain to people, whenever the guy who takes the snap is a threat to run, it changes all the math of defenses,” Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Greg Schiano said last March [source]. “That’s really what defense is, it’s getting your troops to where the ball is going to be. And when that guy holding it is a threat to run, it changes the numbers – minus-one.”

And oh boy is he right.

The Redskins offense has been scarily un-stoppable at times this year. And it's been hilarious giddy fun to watch opposing defense just freak-the-fuck-out trying to outwit the concept.

The Redskins were #1 in total rushing. They were first in rushes that gained 4+ yards, with 51.2% of the team's rushes going for at least four yards. Not only did this offense and Bob3 face a seemingly endless horizon of simple 2nd and 5's and 3rd and 2's, but the 20-yard square-in or slant off pistol play-action, was absolutely unstoppable.

In fact, it was so easy most of the year, it was a joke. A lark. It was GREAT. Let me emphasize that, so nobody misunderstands me.

G.R.E.A.T.

But when I said on the air about 3 weeks ago that this offense was - and you need to take my words precisely here "a little bit of a scam" - I only meant to say that it would be foolish to expect this level of production to continue unabated going forward.

Scams are a good thing, when you are the one pulling it off. 

This article posits that a revolution is underway. Others have said: "this is the new NFL, get used to it."

Ohhhkay. But I've been around the NFL for a few of these "revolutions" and they all have one thing in common: eventually, they run out of steam.

The NFL is a passing league, and shall remain a passing league. QB protection in the pocket, along with strict new rules on defenders tilt the advantage to the slinger even more. And YES, the pistol scheme can produce great passing numbers. But go back to what Schiano said: it's all predicated on a running QB.

And QB's who run in this league, get beaten down. Period. It's just a matter of time and reps.

So my take on the pistol is that it is more like a gold rush, than a revolution. And right now, Kyle and Mike have secured a very lucrative parcel and are just hauling gold out fistfuls at a time.

But like a real gold rush, competing interests affect the landscape and trade. And eventually, the easy finds get snatched up.

This league will adjust. It always does. There are only so many Bob3's or Colin Kaepernick's. But there are endless numbers of maniacs on the other side of the ball ready to kill them.

I know: the pocket is not safe. No. Not by any measure. But I still say it's still much safer than running this scheme as 50% of your offense or more, week over week, year over year.

It's a blast now. So let's ride it.

But we won't be able to see who was more right, until the 2014 season is over. If there are multiple teams using pistol-zone-read as their "base" offense, with very fast running QB's racking up 700+ yards of rushing per year - then I'll kneel on the altar of "you told me so."

If not, then it was fun while it lasted.

Redskins Season Of Destiny Comes to A Reckoning

A signed London Fletcher photo I saw at a store in the mall last week.

This has to happen.

It just has to.

I write this on Sunday morning, hours and hours and hours ahead of the biggest Redskins game since I returned home to the DC area in 1999 as an adult professional in the radio business.

It's a game so badly needed, by a fan base so badly abused, teased, misled, and milked for their cash and emotions by a decade plus of "stupid, loud, and pointless."

A win will be a genuine plastic banner raising moment: NFC East Champs.

Thirteen years since Dan Snyder raised a plastic, Kinko's caliber banner that said exactly that above the doorway at Redskins Park. I remember long ago myself and others mocking this. Really? A banner for a mere Division title? And plastic? Oh god.

He really didn't even win that one anyway. This was a Casserly-Norv ensemble that he just finished signing the papers on that August.

Little did I, or we know, how starved we would become in the following 12 seasons for something legitimate. A division title. That's legit. It's not much to some franchises (see: Patriots, New England) but it'll mean the world around here.

A wildcard is nothing. Sure, you can win the Super Bowl off the wildcard. Joe Gibbs 2.0 swerved into two wildcards, declared victory, went back to racing, and left us with Jim Zorn.

Not to be an ingrate, but... thanks for nothing.

A wildcard says you really didn't have that much of a season.

These Redskins have had... A SEASON. In fact, several seasons.

There was the early burst of flash and hope. Then there was the first crushing of RG3 and his concussion, along with nonsense like DeAngelo Hall and Kyle Shanahan with the referees. The Panthers came into down, and needing a win badly, got one, when our coach had said point blank it was a must win for us!

Then Shanny delivered the last rights.

Oh yes, he definitely did. Which is fine. He was pissed. I get it. But the scramble on Monday to backtrack and pin the blame on Mike Wise for writing the column upside down without calling Shanny first was just silly.

Whatever.

Then the team played some inspired and disciplined football. The running game continued to grind opponents into dust. The defense somehow got very "sticky" against the run, and began creating those 1-2 clutch turnovers you need at just the right time to win games.

Pierre Garcon returned, literally one news cycle after it was speculated that he might be done for the season - and all hell broke loose. In a good way. A great way.

And of course, RG3 continued to embarrass those of us who said "no single player is worth 4X worth of draft picks."

Ahem.

It didn't hurt to get a smidge lucky along the way. The Eagles had just lost Vick to a concussion, and served up dopey Nick Foles, at just the right moment in the season. A fumble against the Giants bounces forward for an easy touchdown. The Browns somehow forget bootleg action is a Shanahan favorite. Another does of Foles, who mercifully doesn't understand when to throw a ball away.

And the masterpiece of a magical season: The Ravens Game.

Talk about a confluence of "holeee sh**!"

A fumbled kickoff is overturned by replay. Shaky. RG3 demolished. Limps back on. Here comes Cousins. Thank you prevent D! A lollipop throw for a wide open TD! A ballsy 2-point conversion call by Shanny Jr. Ravens sleeping. Delirium. Overtime. A great return by somebody - finally! - not named Brandon Banks.

And another "gimme" from the Miracle 3rd String Kicker Who Simply Cannot Miss.

If that game didn't put the indelible mark of "This Is Destiny" on this team, I don't know what would.

So tonight, anything can happen. It's football. Winning SEVEN in a row in THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE is very, very, difficult. This team has delivered 6 really solid efforts in a row. Why should it be so hard to do it again?

It shouldn't. But you know football. We'll see.

That said, I feel quite at peace with tonight. I just don't see Tony Romo suddenly shedding the karmic stink of big games that has enveloped him. Besides, his defense has been allowing 400+ yards per game this month. The only way he wins, is by a wild shootout, 48-45 or something.

Cowboy fans may insist that Romo, their Charlie Brown, finally kicks that damn football in a big game.

My money is still on Lucy.

Call Kinko's. See when they open tomorrow.

So Little Suburban Kids Can Dream The Biggest Dreams...

You remember my nephew Luke when we went down his 24-item Christmas List on the Yahoo! show before the holidays, right?

Well, he sure didn't get everything, but Uncle Steve did break down and get that extra-small LeBron jersey. Nearly killed me to actually check out of the store with it (in a million years.... sheesh...) but it was worth it to see him "throw it down, big man, throw it down!"

CzabeVegas 2013 Is Officially: ON! March 21st, 22nd!

Here we go, folks!

"Come on and watch some... BAS-ket-BALL!"

We will be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino for Year 4 of "CzabeVegas". What is "CzabeVegas?" Well, it's just good ol' fashioned hanging out, watching tons of the tournament, gambling our stupid semi-drunken faces off, and for me, it's also getting up way too damn early to play the first golf of the season.

Now would I just say to you, my loyal fans, readers and listeners: "Hey, make your own arrangments, and maybe we'll bump into each other while we are out there?"

Hell no!

I have secured once again, a special "Czabe Rate" for my listeners only at a first-class venue like The Hard Rock. Forget slumming it at Circus Circus. The rate for this year is even LOWER than last year! We're talking a mere $59 per night on Thursday, and $129 per night on Friday and Saturday.

So if you split the room with a buddy, we're talking no more than 3 bad hands of blackjack for a first class place to sleep off your hangover!

I have secured the awesome "Ainsworth" bar area to watch the games as a group, so you won't be craning your neck trying to look over 50 dudes to see the games. You don't have to join us in the VIP area for the games, but if you do it's just $40 and you get two-drinks, a t-shirt, and a shotglass to take home with you!

You don't have to stay at the Hard Rock either, to get a ticket to the VIP viewing party on Thursday and/or Friday. But I will give priority to those who do book at least one night at our "base" hotel.

My buddy and broadcast partner Scott Linn is "scheduled to appear" as they say, and I am trying to get Solly and Galdi from the morning show to join me. Stay tuned on that!

Last year, we had a great time, and a great group. I got to meet many listeners, their wives, girlfriends, and drunken college roomates, from all over the country - as far away as New York to Miami, Phoenix to Seattle.

The best moment however, came out of seemingly a completely busted ticket.

The 10th seeded Xavier Musketeers were rollin'. There they stood on that Friday night, with a chance to upset (what I and others thought was) a flawed #3 seeded Baylor team, and advance to the Final Four.

Xavier was GETTING six points.

Lock. Unload.

I jump in for $100. Let's go, X!

Well, Baylor opened the game by punching Xavier in the nuts, kneeing them in the face, and then curbstomping their head to the tune of a 20-4 opening salvo.

Ouch.

So much of the room that also had Xavier (plus-6) simply turned to their drinks and conversation, and had mentally wrote-off the ticket as a sure loser.

But then, a funny thing happened. I happened to notice a few of my boyz from the "Richmond Mafia" cheering loudly at every Xavier basket. Even though they were down 17 and drowning!

Son of a bitch, I thought. These guys are not going quietly. So fuck it. Neither. Am. I. Gimme a beer, lemme pull up a chair.

We started to nurse Xavier - and our seemingly worthless tickets - back to health, basket by basket. It was agonizing. Xavier was hanging in. And hanging in. And so were we.

Cut to the final 1:41. Xavier is down TWELVE.

We're done.

Finished.

Right?

The hell.... we... are.

Turnover. Three. Baylor miss. Stupid foul. Timeout. Scratch. Claw. COME ON XAVIER!

Tu Holloway takes an easy layup with :12 left! Margin is THREE! We've got a shot!

Brady Heslip, who nearly choked out our winning Xavier +6 tickets.

Then, this punk-ass white-boy, Brady Heslip - Baylor's 3-point and free throw specialist starts to choke us out. Free throw, Heslip. Free throw, Heslip. Free throw, Heslip. Free throw, Heslip.

Margin is now FIVE.

We are right on the edge of the spread. We've battled for 2 hours on this stupid game. We are dying.

Holloway jacks a three for Xavier with :05 left. GO IN! Fuck. Clang.

Rebound: Heslip. Yes... fucking HESLIP!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Yet with the game sitting at a 5 point spread, and :02 left, miraculously somehow, Xavier decides to pack it in.

They do not foul Heslip.

:00

Baylor 75 - Xavier 70.

And then... this....

It's All About "Kaepernicking"

Either this child's parents should be arrested immediately..... or the video should win a Grammy.

I'm not sure which.

Let me give it a few more views.

My Christmas Present To Every Packer Fan

Click to enlarge. Send to high quality printer. Frame. Hang. Enjoy.

Al Michaels Delivers Whiney, Stuttering Calls on Big Plays

This is not a grudge. This is not debatable. It's fact. I can't be the only one who hears him butcher big plays on SNF every single week.



Emailer sent me this.. so I was happy to oblige!

Hey Czabe,

I’m a long time listener and avid fan of the Bob and Brian morning show, and naturally I’ve been a long time listener and fan of you and your show as well.  I’m a huge fan of the podcasts as I don’t have Sirius XM and I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate being able to listen to you guys on a daily basis.  No doubt you are among the best in the business.  Originally I’m from Wisconsin and love my Green Bay Packers, and I’ve got to say that I find myself starting to pull for your Redskins more and more.  Probably a reciprocating effect from the respect you give the Pack on a weekly basis.  Helluva QB you guys have over there.

Anyways, the whole point of the email was to ask if you had posted anywhere on Czabe.com the audio clip of the Al Michaels – Kevin Ogletree catch.  I was telling my brother about it and he badly wants to hear it.  I laugh my ass off every time you bring it up in the show.  If it’s not on there, can you please post it?  If possible, post the remix too where you keep hitting the button or whatever you do that makes Michaels sound like a screeching buffoon.

Keep up the good work boys!

Thanks,

Adam Simson
George West, TX

You're A Rat Bastard, Charlie Brown!

It actually took me until the end of the bit, to realize it was NOT the real Larry David!

I'm Just Sayin.....

But if you do sign me, I would say I'm better from "inside the 30" than outside of it.... ahem.

You know...

Captain Kirk, Beam Us Up!

With a season this magical on the line, is there any doubt that Kirk Cousins wins today in Cleveland?

ANY doubt?

Not for a moment.

Gene Kranz, what are you feelings about today?

Shhhh. NFL Ratings Are Down. Yes, Down. Shhhh!

Granted, not by much... but you just KNOW the league would be TRUMPETING the opposite, were it true.

The Wall Street Journal peels back the numbers on what I have said all along: there actually IS something called "too much of a good thing." Overexposed, is overexposed. The more you see of anything, the less special it becomes, and as such leagues would be wise to carefully think about what that "sweet spot" of wanting more really is.

Writes Matthew Futterman...

For the second consecutive season, the NFL, that behemoth of the television business that sucks the air out of everybody else's ratings whenever one of its games takes place, is seeing a slight drop in the number of people who are tuning into its games. Excluding this first full season of Thursday night NFL Network telecasts, NFL games are averaging about 17.4 million viewers per game, down 2% from last year and 3% from 2010. 

These numbers can't be explained away by a lousy sample. Through the NFL's first 14 weeks, the winning points have been scored in the final two minutes, or in overtime, 47 times. That ties this season for the most close games to this point since 1970.

Caveat #1: I'm not sure if "carving out" the full Thursday numbers this year helps or hurts his point, but I am guessing if you included the Thursdays, ratings would be slightly up.

Caveat #2: He goes on to point out that NFL football still delivers a fucking C-130 sized load of desirable male eyeballs to the set every single week - something every other TV show would kill for.

That said, you always have to keep your ear the the ground on these things, because when there are massive shifts in sports fans attitudes and behaviors, it often starts with a dull, distant rumble.

Commenter Martin Fisch on the WSJ site made a great point I had not considered or tracked with any kind of hard data: "It's the commercials... stupid."

About 15 or so years ago the NFL made a commitment to completing games within a 3 hour framework. That effort didn't last too long as broadcast fee rights continued to escalate far beyond the rate of inflation. The NFL and its broadcasters abandoned that goal in order to enable the broadcasters to add more and more commercials to their telecasts in order to defray their money-losing NFL broadcast properties. The first casualty was the old 4 pm Eastern start of the doubleheader games which was moved to 4:15 pm. Most of the additional time was allotted to commercials. The most recent NFL TV contracts extensions again significantly increased broadcast fees to the networks. The result: the new 4:25 pm doubleheader start. Once more, the additional ten minutes enable several more minutes of commercials.

The number of minutes of commercial time has increased markedly in the past dozen or so years, to the point where there is no continuity or pace to an NFL game. A touchdown and extra point are followed by 2 minutes of commercials. The ensuing kickoff takes place then is immediately followed by 2 more minutes of commercials. Perhaps two plays are run then a player goes down on the field with an injury. The broadcast is immediately swung to another 1.5 minutes of commercials. Thus there are close to 6 minutes of commercials in the midst of a kickoff and a couple of plays. This scenario is played out throughout the game making for a chopped-up broadcast with no cohesion. Maybe people are just getting fed up not watching as much due to blatant commercialization of every broadcast.

While the 2 minute "commercial" sandwich around every kickoff after a score is something I have hated for years - hell, just make it a 4 minute block and maybe I can take a solid dump without having to hit pause - I wold like to know exactly how much more TV spot " inventory" the networks are now allowed to sell per game, as opposed to say 20 years ago.

More vexing to me, however, is what the league has seemingly become when I watch it - yes sir, yes sir, three screens full!

And that is...

1. A trainwreck of horrible tackling and eye rolling showboating.

2. A series of extremely dubious personal fouls or pass interference calls that change games.

3. A dissertation on the overly complex rulebook by the refs.

4. Microscopic examination of almost every play, followed by anger over replay's amazing ability to STILL get it wrong!

Yet........ there's still the heart pounding resiliance of a Adrian Peterson, the supernova rise of an RGIII, the surgical precision of a Tom Brady, and the 8-trillion different amazing ways a game can be won/lost in the final minutes of a game.

As such the NFL remains, the country's most irresistible sporting drug of choice.

Issuing the Fines Is Easy, Collecting... Not So Much

When sports leagues announce player/coach/team "fines" they make sure it makes headlines. The fines are as much public relations as anything.

A frequent question I get from listeners is "where does all that money go?"

If you answered "The League Christmas Party" you'd be wrong - although it would buy one helluva a lot of eggnog.

It goes to "charity" they say, but the bigger scam is the fact that much of the fines, never get collected.

Three of the top four sports leagues -- the NBA, Major League Baseball and Nascar -- don't disclose the amount of the discrepancy between the penalties they announce and the money they actually collect. The NFL says it collected about two-thirds of the fines it levied last season. Interviews with dozens of sports executives, lawyers and players shed light on how the industry follows through on its disciplinary actions, and turned up numerous instances in which reprieves were granted away from public view. In particular, the NBA, whose championship series this week caps a season marked by record fines, often issues proclamations about the penalties the league and its teams assess. But the league almost never makes public when fines are reduced or rescinded. The NFL does not make public when individual penalties are cut or dropped. "We're not going to break out every little detail," says NFL spokesman Greg Aiello. Major League Baseball is less vocal about its discipline -- except in rare cases, fine amounts are not announced -- but it too declines to reveal how much fine money is collected.

Imagine that. I know many divorced men right now are muttering: "Sheesh. If only my ex were that lenient."

Les Grossman And the Mother of all GFY's!

We all have movie "blind spots" where a somewhat popular, maybe cult-classic, movie escapes our radar screen. Not only have we never seen it, but maybe never heard of it.

Well, these scene from Tropic Thunder - a DEFINITELY NSFW clip - is an all-timer. The whole movie is also chock full of very good, highly politically incorrect humor, providing you are not easily offended.

I say have this clip handy, anytime something at work, or in life, has you on the "Les Grossman edge" and imagine yourself actually pulling this off in real life.

But don't pull it off in real life. It does not work.

Pat Riley Was A #12 Too

Betcha didn't know that!

Huzzah huzzah for ol' 12-12-12 day, and all of the mythic #12's in sports.

Obviously, football has the most, and most iconic.

But it was fun to stumble upon THIS page of Laker Lore, for all of the men who wore the dirty dozen in purple and gold.

Not just Riley, but luminaries like Shannon Brown, Jerome Kersey, and the great Mike Pemberthy from Masters College.

Pemberthy has a ring.

Suck on that, Patrick Ewing.

A Remarkable Act of Forgiveness

God forbid anyone of us has to walk in these shoes, but the family and mother of former Cowboys practice squad player Jerry Brown has left a series of giant footprints of humanity that hopefully others can follow.

It would have been easy to tell Josh Brent - considered by police on the scene as having recklessly killed his friend by driving drunk and at an alarming rate of speed - to simply stay away from the memorial.

But Brown's mother and family, did not.

They invited him to sit alongside, to say their goodbyes in person, one last time, together.

"I was upset, but I realized that our youth today are young and stupid, and we were all once that age, and we've all done things we're not proud of," Jackson said on Monday's "Piers Morgan Tonight" show on CNN. "I realized that everyone thinks they're invincible, and everyone thinks, 'it's not going to happen to me.' I know Josh Brent, and he's been part of our family since Jerry went to the University of Illinois -- all I can do is to pray for him and his family. I know [Brent] is hurting just as much as we are, because [he] and Jerry were like brothers."
I call it a remarkably humane act, in a sports world where we see less and less of that all the time.

Now, the awkward bouncing football is for the league and Roger Goodell to stumble after and corral. What do you do with a still active player like Brent? He hasn't been convicted of any crime (yet) but it sure doesn't look good. The league talks all the time about the precious "image" of The Shield.

With an already-planned league meeting scheduled for Wednesday in Irving, Texas, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said there is no plan for commissioner Roger Goodell to meet with Brent. 

Aiello said Brent's status on the Cowboys' roster will be "clarified soon." Brent was at the Cowboys' complex on Monday and received medical attention and met with coach Jason Garrett.

The league has "no issue" with Brent being at team facilities, Aiello said.


It would be easy to simply IR him and say he's not over his minor injuries from the crash itself.

But doesn't the league need to send a stronger, swifter statement? Does the league ever want to get over the image that it coddles and excuses the criminal element that exists among it's rank?

Of course, here's the most stunning nugget of the day.

Jerry Jones, the Cowboys' owner, got into a car without speaking to the media. 

Wow. Must have been agonizing.

The Commercial Wife With "Championship Attitude"

So as men, we all sit around watching the same sporting events and highlight shows, and as such end up seeing the same basic sets of commercials.

It's what Madison Avenue types like to call "bang for your demographic buck!"

Well, it occurred to me that there are three mythical women whom I need some of your thoughtful feedback on. I know these are actresses, reading lines, in commercials which were storyboarded, written, and re-written a million times by some faceless agency-30-somethings in a New York high rise.

So let me be clear: I understand these women are not real.

Okay, good.

Now... going along with the fantasy... what do you fellow guys think about the following ladies, and which one has the most "championship attitude" as a commercial wife?



I imagine the impossibly wholesome wife with the naughty streak in this Samsung commercial is going to win on both looks and "championship attitude." After all, here's a very lovely lady, with two impish and well behaved sweet daughters... yet... BOOM... there's a BAD GIRL underneath!

However I also have a liking to the Burger King woman who just MUST get a nasty-ass Whopper at two in the morning. Sure, she's less physically attractive, disheveled and... hello.. KNOCKED UP... she so relishes that burger it makes you think that's not the only thing she sometimes just "has to have!"

Then there is this sporty looking middle-aged woman in the DirecTV "Out of Space" commercial series. She seems the most "up tight" of these ladies, but has an undeniable classic beauty to her. She looks even better dressed up ready to hit the town in a later version.

So there you go. Thoughts? Discussion? I mean, this is the kind of crucially important stuff the internet was absolutely invented for.

/high fives Al Gore

RG3 Is A Slow Learner UPDATE: Attempted Bernard Pollard Hit Added

Leave it to me, to be a real prick just hours after the most incredible, blood pulsating win since Dan Snyder bought this team.

RG3 needs to smarten up. Quick.

And it would help if his coached stopped enabling the "tough guy" act.

This was said before the season, during the season, and right up until the minute Haloti Ngata dump-trucked the franchise's leg into a grotesque 120 degree angle.

You keep running him, he's gonna get killed.

And nobody likes an "I told ya so", but when the people who need tellin', ain't listenin', then you gotta keep sayin'.

So here I am. Just sayin'...

Either change his ways and change this scheme, or get all the good DVD highlights you can these next few years. It's that simple.

RG3 is nothing like Mike Vick. He's smart. He's humble. He's dedicated. He throws with an accuracy that Vick can only dream of, with a better motion and all the power. He's slightly faster in straight line acceleration. And he can read defenses. Well. Already.

But RG3 is just like Vick in one area. He's human. And like Vick, he's doomed to never play full seasons with this style. He's not quite as slight for the position as Vick. But he's close.

And when you get "out and about" on that field of monsters, you put yourself in the most danger.

Pocket hits and those behind the line of scrimmage can be bad. Like a car accident with somebody running a red light.

Downfield hits are like railroad collisions. You never win those.

Hell, there was a play where unapologetic head-hunter Bernard Pollard launched at Griffin with his crow-logoed warhead just an instant after RG3 slid. Griffin popped up and begged for a flag. They don't flag misses, my friend. And I can assure you Pollard didn't care about the 15 yards or the $50,000.

Said Pollard just a month ago: ""If a quarterback is going to the sideline, and I have a chance, I swear to you I'm going to kill him."

He was only half-joking.

Griffin said after the game he's confident it's not an ACL. We'll see. He also called it a fluke incident. No, it's not. These hits are like rolling snake-eyes in craps. Not a fluke. Just a matter of rolls.

I already fear we have enjoyed the very sweetest nectar of the RG3 Era. That may sound stupid, and reactionary, and pessimistic, but hey, you know me, I'll just say it if I feel it.

If this knee injury scrubs off just enough of his speed going forward, if NFL defenses get a good handle in the off-season on how to defuse the pistol, and if RG3 takes ANOTHER dump-truck hit to another part of his body...

Well... don't yell at me. You know you think these dark thoughts too.

Should RG3 never scramble out of the pocket for positive yards? Of course not.

Should RG3 be instructed as a "pure" pocket passer? No.

But this is too much designed QB running from the Shanahii already to be sustainable. And RG3 thinks he can escape any pack of pursuers.

Right now, he almost can. That will not last.

He needs to be drilled hard by the coaching staff on NEVER cutting back INTO the field of play on downfield runs. (Slide, or duck out of bounds)

He needs to be coached up on throw-aways, tuck-and-covers, and ditching screen pass plays that are sniffed out by the defense.

And putting him back out there to limp around for a few plays was beyond stupid. Shanny needs to think about the "long game" here and not just this season. Even if trainers *thought* he had all key ligaments intact, can you imagine if we find out an ACL strain turned into a full tear by him proving what a "warrior" he is?

There's only ONE of him. And a LOT of games to be played, and won.

Time to start doing the math on all that.

Under Risk of "Instant Insanity"

With the Army-Navy game on Saturday... here's a little nugget to chew on.

The first ever leather helmet in football history was worn in this game.

Navy Midshipman (and later Admiral) Joseph Mason "Bull" Reeves wore what is widely regarded as the first football helmet in the 1893 Army–Navy Game. He had been advised by a Navy doctor that another kick to his head would result in "instant insanity" or even death, so he commissioned an Annapolis shoemaker to make him a helmet out of leather.[14]
Ain't no pussy, that Admiral Reeves.

Take that Roger Goodell.

Army v. Navy: Nothing Like It In Sports

If you missed last year's incredibly told, thoroughly researched, and beautifully filmed documentary "A Game of Honor" you are in luck.

1. It will be shown again this year on Showtime. Tonight on Showtime Extreme, and then through the weekend on regular Showtime.

2. There's a lovely little morsel snack preview above, by the incredible filmmakers "Stillmotion."

3. You can buy the DVD at Wal-Mart. (Standard DEF only. Boo!)

As you were.... slovely couch fan. Let's all try to at least ASPIRE to the commitment and honor these young men (and women) display at our service academies.

Try....

This Story Is Not Getting Any Better.... At All...

The Javon Belcher baby-momma-murder story is getting worse and more stupid by the day. Here's what Belcher was texting to a former teammate the night before he plunged so many lives into hell with his idiocy.

That same night, Belcher exchanged text messages with former University of Maine teammate Reggie Paramoure, according to Sports Illustrated. 

“I see y’all boys aint doing too well,” Paramoure said about the Chiefs’ record. “Wats goen on wit u besides ball.” 

“Our ‘o’ can’t even put 7 in the board for us, but everything good bro, baby momma crazy but I have a little girl almost 3 month man and she’s a blessing, she makes me smile on the worst day,” Belcher responded 

“Daughter!” Paramoure texted back, then cracked that Belcher would need a gun to fend off her future suitors. 

“Yea man,” Belcher answered, “I got about 8 guns now, from hand Gunz to assault rifles for her little bf’s.” 

The previous week’s game had been the first this season that Belcher didn’t start.
“Just trying to stay on the field and get this new contract, but this losing s--t ain’t helping,” Belcher wrote to his friend, the magazine said. 

You have to wonder how a guy could become so "disconnected" from real life, and the concept of life and death like this. I mean, life is not a video game. It's not a reality show. Just unbelieveable.

New Orleans Pelicans? Oh Yeah, They Are Bad Ass!

If you think the Hornet's proposed name change to "The Pelicans" is a pussy move, think again, bitches.

"If We Break Every Window In Benghazi.... They Can BILL US!"

God bless Bill Whittle.

If you wanted to dream about what a real and proper presidential response to that attack on Americans on the anniversary of 9/11 would have looked and sounded like... well, here it is.

Meanwhile our celebrity Teleprompter-King was more worried making the bad guys mad at us, then sent out a surrogate to lie through her teeth to the American public - just in case this little messy thing involving 4 brave Americans' deaths might impact his-re-election.

Watch this 1:45 interlude, then re-wind and watch it all. Then send it to anybody who might have an open mind.

Whittle first caught my eye back in 2004, when he wrote a number of essays on a blog called Eject!Eject!Eject!.com.

One them was masterful in pointing out how the modern smug liberal will almost always default to claiming a Republican - any one will do, the facts don't matter - is "duhhhrrrr STOOOPID!"

Like Bush 43.

Whittle launched a volley of heat-seeking logic rockets....

George W. Bush is not stupid. It's not possible to be a moron and fly a supersonic jet fighter, and everyone knows it.

What George W. Bush is, however, is inarticulate. English is his second language. From what I can see he does not have a first language. Abraham Lincoln spoke in simple frontier language in an age of rhetorical flourish. Like Bush, he was considered a bumpkin and an idiot, and like Bush, he realized that there were times when having people misunderestimate you repeatedly was a real advantage. That's goal-oriented. That's playing the deep game. That's cunning.

I personally have gotten to the point where Bush's malapropisms cause me to look at the floor and shake my head with an affectionate smile, in much the same way supporters of his predecessor used to do with every new revelation of coerced sex from former employees. He is what he is. But he is a damn sight more intelligent than the graphic designer in the Mini Cooper with the Village Idiotsticker.

Me, personally, I look at the man's entire catalog of flaws in the same way Lincoln looked at Grant and his drinking: I can't spare this man. He fights.

So to me, anyway, given the above information I feel that anyone calling President Bush a moron and an idiot comes off sounding like, well, a moron and an idiot.

The NFL Does Not Cancel Games

Like, ever. Basically.

By my count... the only cancelled NFL games in my lifetime have been after 9/11, that snowstorm game in Philly in 2010 that got played on Tuesday night, Hurricane Katrina and the wildfire game between the Chargers and Cardinals.

In the latter cases, they just moved the game instead of cancelling.

So when people this weekend were tweeting about how come the NFL hasn't CANCELLED the Chiefs-Panthers game, I just had to laugh. Not happening. And it won't bring anybody back to life, or prove how sensitive you are, to anything.

So here come the easy columns about the NFL selling/losing it's soul.

Whatever.

The NFL is a business that's only open for a few days a week, a few months a year. This was a close call. Had it been a coach or another player murdered, the "store" might have been closed.

I could have gone either way on this one. If the NFL is fine with games in London, games on 4 days rest, games with extra needless overtime, games that end in ties.... well, they could have just called this one a tie. Wouldn't have messed up anybody's playoff picture.

Just don't say "that's what (insert person) would have wanted" or "it will at least provide some welcome distraction."

Aside from the genuine tragedy of a football player murdering his girlfriend in cold blood, the second worst thing was watching media members on Twitter trying to outdo each other on the concern-o-meter.

Third worst was watching all the hushed tones by announcers asking questions to experts/analysts.

Fourth worst was watching TV types do the whole "I am fighting off choking up right now, I am so disturbed by this tragedy" thing.

Give it a rest.

I don't know the number of murder-suicides in American on an annual basis, but given the NFL's workforce of 1500+ players (and who knows how many coaches and front office personnel) it was bound to happen - eventually.

And I don't particularly care to know more about Javon Belcher.

He blasted his girlfriend and baby-momma to death in front of her mother.

I know enough.

Everything that happened after that, doesn't much register much with me one way or another.

"Oh, he killed himself too?" Fine.

I understand there is a possible - POSSIBLE - mental health issue here. Mental health issues quite often lead to tragic murders, followed by suicide. Either by grief, shock, or by plan.

But we don't know that right now, and we may never.

He might have just been a pissed off NFL player, sleep deprived, and shaking off a hangover.

I heard a few anecdotal tales of how much he had "loved" his 3 month old child prior to this episode. I mean, really. Really?

And did you see what was Belcher's major in college?

A: "Child Development and Family Relations."

I shit you not.

While Rex Ryan Talks About "Running the Table..."

... no really He did.

"Butt-fumbles" be damned.... Rex and his lovable mouth tired act are going to see this debacle all the way through, it seems.

While Tim Tebow sits idle on the sidelines, unused and now injured. While "Fireman Ed" has resigned as un-official team mascot. While seats go for as little as $18 on StubHub.

Not since Iron Eyes Cody wept at the river of trash in those 1970's anti-littering commercials have things been so sullen in the Meadowlands.

Andy Reid Parody Meets Taylor Swift

... and yes... comedy ensues...

"Time is yours.."

Laptop Blues

So my laptop here that I edit this wonderful website on, and do ALL of my radio related work, and edit videos like the ones you see from the ol' Black Friday Bowl.... well... it's got a screen that's acting funny.

Blue vertical lines. Static. Sorta like an old TV.

So I think: "Damn. I like this laptop. It's *only* 2 years old. I should get it fixed."

Then I think: hell no. The "shop" will take 2 weeks minimum to fix it, it will cost at least $200 (maybe more) and I am sure they will wipe out key data and/or erase or uninstall programs.

Plus, with a wholly new laptop available for almost the price of a repair, it just seems nuts to repair this ol' thing. I can get a tricked out version of this same Sony VAIO laptop for about $900, which improves every metric from the old one (processor speed, memory, hard drive, etc.).

But I'll admit, it does seem "wasteful" to abandon an otherwise working machine, that was the wonder of my techhie heart just 2 short years ago.

Then, I saw this ad on YouTube.



Holy crap. It's amazing how f'ing EXPENSIVE the crappiest computers were back in the early 1990's. And yet we, as a nation, snapped 'em up.

Now, they are in a landfill.

I'm gonna get that new laptop. It's gonna be a business expense. I am not going to spend any more time agonizing over it. I will recycle it as responsibly as possible.

Veggies Are What Food Eats

Sums up my feelings perfectly.

Snicky du Jour: Emily Blunt

I recently saw the move "The 5 Year Engagement." Overall? Eh.

Standard RomCom stuff, with a fairly implausible "Mr. Mom" angle to it. Not a huge fan of Jason Segel either... but... I was certainly smitten with the "new-to-me" leading lady, who turns out to be Emily Blunt.

Well now. Quite fetching, and given my weakness for a crisp British accent on a lovely young lass, she is now on my radar.

There. Happy now, Snicky hunters?

Poll: Syrup Vehicles

Online Surveys & Market Research

"Johnny Football" Has His Own Video Game Now...

... sort of.

Manziel broke the SEC single season total offense  record of 4327 yards on Saturday. Breaking Cam Newtons 2010 record. Which broke Tim Tebow's 2007 record.

He's a freshman.

True.... freshman.

Scary.

Snicky du Jour: Jeannie Buss

Even though Phil Jackson was snubbed for Mike D'Antoni this month, he can cry his sorrows to sleep on the lovely Jeannie Buss' shoulders.

Jeannie reminds me of a Katherine Heigl/Susan Sarandon hybrid. And even though her flattering pics on the ol' interwebs outkick her other pics (not so awesome) by a far margin, she's "pretty good. Pretty... pretty... good.... " as Larry David would say.

Black Friday Bowl I Highlights

The System is Fundamentally Broken

How come Walt Coleman hasn't been suspended by the NFL already?

I mean, really?

If Tony Corrente can get docked a full game check just because his "rule 'splainin' microphone" was accidentally "on" when he uttered a "fuck" to the crowd in Indy, and a "god dammit" to the crowd AND the home TV audience, then surely Walt Coleman needs to sit his ass at home for a week.

Corrente was undone by the quirks of technology.

Coleman and his crew were f'ing BRAIN DEAD for allowing that call to get so botched on Thanksgiving.

It might be the worst call in modern NFL history.

And that doesn't even GET INTO the whole challenge-flag-thrown-illegally-negates-all-otherwise-automatic-video-reviews "rule."

(Which I'll get to, in just a second).

When a play is over in football, the primary command of the referees is to BLOW THE WHISTLE. This is because football players, are coached to hit not just "up to" the whistle, but as some coaches like to say "hit to the ECHO of the whistle" (whatever the fuck that means, but I'm gonna guess it equates to "err on the side of crushing a dude, if you have to").

How come Coleman's crew didn't whistle Texans RB Justin Forsett down when both knees and his elbow clearly hit the ground?

Here's a theory: IT IS REPLAY'S FAULT!

Heh. And you thought REPLAY was REDUCING the amount of bad calls in the NFL. Ha. Sucker. It's doing nothing of the sort. In fact, it's likely increasing the number of really bad calls.

Why?

Because refs are less and less focused on getting the call right when it happens on the field. Instead, they fall back to the ol' "replay will sort this out..."

Result: worse and worse officiating in "real time." It's only logical.

From the excellent website Football Zebras...

Remember, last week line judge Mark Perlman was criticized in some quarters for shutting down a potential catch and fumble play to incomplete (Deadspin video).  The topic of how “obvious” this down by contact play was today can be debated.  But, the officials were doing what they were taught – when in doubt, let the play go and have replay sort it out if need be.  Replay was going to sort it out in the Lions’ favor until coach Schwartz forgot the rule.

Indeed, replay was all ready to "save the day" on a play that should have never needed saving, until the overly complex, and idiotic NFL RULEBOOK swooped in to create a travesty out of a technicality.

But of course normally refs would have whistled the play over, but fans get all pissy when one bang-bang play gets whistled too quickly. So refs are now just laying back letting crap happen, expecting our unending faith in frame-by-frame video analysis to deliver a perfectly called football game.

Still waiting for that one.

Why oh why is the rule the way it is? Because once upon a once, Redskins LB London Fletcher intentionally kicked the ball when it was being spotted, delaying the game for the express purpose of giving the coaching staff a little more time to see some replays and decide on whether to challenge.

So the vaunted "Competition Committee" decided "harumph-a-dumph, WELL, we ah sure can't ah have a that, now can we?!"

So they wrote another stupid, needless layer of bureaucratic legalize into an already bloated rulebook.

It's funny.

Until it screws your football team. Or until government decides to write a 2,409 page law that radically changes your health care options.

Ha. Ha.

@DaveLazo accurately summed up the stupidity of it all thusly.

"I witnessed a murder. Please investigate." "Sorry. We investigate all murders. This call means we can't now. And you're under arrest." #NFL


Naturally, bureaucrats being bureaucrats, the NFL is just CONSIDERING changing this idiotic rule - but probably not until AFTER the season.

Go ahead, take your time, idiots.

The season is burning.

And This Is How Civilizations Die...

By rotting from the inside due to laziness, ignorance, and overabundance.

Then by turning on itself and collapsing, like a flesh eating virus.

It would be one thing if this was video of starving people, fighting for the last scraps of food. Alas, no. It's people fighting for a cheap phone which they almost certainly do not need.

Made in China.

To whom we are hopeless in debt.

Merry Chirstmas, everyone.

Happy Thanksgiving! Your Brief Video Watching Homework!

First... that bastard Clint Longley. Forever burned in Redskins memory, the only silver lining was that after punching out Roger Staubach the following season in training camp, he was summarily cut and whisked into obscurity by a Cowboys purchased taxi cab out of Valley Ranch.



Then, a few of my favorite family dinner "grace" scenes. If I missed any, let me know...

Linus in Charlie Brown Thanksgiving



Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights



Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation

Snicky du Jour: Jenn Sterger

Florida State head coach Jimbo Fisher is fed up with the BCS. He says the 'Noles are getting absolutely no love from professor Frink's Gambletron 2000.



Well, Jimbo, I can't say it will change. You play in a suck conference that is teetering right now with defections. Plus, a few too many cupcakes did you guys in this year.

Case in point. There are six computer polls that make up one-third of the BCS formula (the other two are the coaches' poll and the Harris Interactive poll). In all six, Florida State is ranked behind Clemson, which has the same record as FSU and lost to the Seminoles two months ago.

And in one, the Massey Index, Florida State is ranked behind 7-3 Texas Tech, 6-4 Vanderbilt and 5-5 Missouri.

"I think we're ruining (the sport)," Fisher said. "I tell you what, the playoff we have (coming in 2014)? It ain't going to solve it either. What's the (four-team) playoff going to solve? You've still got the same situation. How we're picking them has got to change. That's what's got to change.

Well, Jimbo, I can't say it will change. You play in a suck conference that is teetering right now with defections. Plus, a few too many cupcakes did you guys in this year.

But, let's all sooth ourselves with a reminder that the lovely Jenn Sterger was, and will always be a smoking hot Seminole fan.

Ahhhh. I feel better already.

Don't Tell Roger Goodell About These New Playgrounds

The Wall Street Journal has a fascinating piece on how modern playground are - wait for it - actually getting MORE DANGEROUS and RISKY.... on purpose!

The child who insists on running up the slide at the playground is doing it for a good reason.

Chances are he's uninspired and trying to create more of a challenge for himself. And if the child is 9 or 10 years old, he is likely fully bored by the swings, slides and climbing gear.

Some child-development experts and parents say decades of dumbed-down playgrounds, fueled by fears of litigation, concerns about injury and worrywart helicopter parents, have led to cookie-cutter equipment that offers little thrill. The result, they say, is that children are less compelled to play outside, potentially stunting emotional and physical development and exacerbating a nationwide epidemic of childhood obesity.

Some psychologists suggest that not exposing children to risk can result in increases in anxiety and other phobias. Children who never climb trees, for example, are more likely to develop a fear of heights, according to a study in Norway. And encouraging free play, in an age of structured activities and computer games, is believed to be important in helping children develop physical and cognitive competencies, creativity and self-worth.

When I was a kid on the playgrounds of Spring Hill Elementary, on the "Mean Streets" of McLean, VA - 22102 - we played the following (awesome) games.

Without ANY supervision or organization from adults.

1. Greek Dodge
This was two groups of kids, in a rectangular court. One red rubber voit playground ball. The game began with two "enders" who were outside the court. You tried to dodge the ball as it was whipped at you, your head, your body, your FACE - as hard as possible. If you CAUGHT the ball, then then the thrower was "out". If you got hit, you were out. Game proceeded until one side prevailed. Good fun!

Two Memories: On the court we played, there was a fair amount of finely milled gray gravel that spilled over from an adjacent play area. It made one end of the court, about as slippery as a freshly zambonied NHL rink. Good fun! Also, Ronnie Kerns was a little fireplug of a kid, who was damn near impossible to get out with any throw that he saw coming. The kid was a black hole for that stupid red rubber dodge ball. Amazing. Why did we call it "Greek" dodge? Have no idea. Seems like ordinary dodge ball.

2. Tower Tag
This was a cool piece of playground equipment, about 10 feet tall (it seemed much bigger as kids, but then again, we were small little snots at that age) that featured a 6x6 platform on top with two chain link "ropes" surrounding it like a boxing ring. The "ladders" on the sides of this tower were also a webs of chains. Who knows what was "intended" by the makers of this tower (climb up gently and a have a nice little look around?) but we as kids decided to play full blown "tag" on it. Which means kids were scurrying all up and down this thing like spiders on crack to avoid getting tagged.

Best Memory: Andy Baughman, a polite, well dressed kid, who was pretty damn quick and athletic when pressed, was so intent on evading a tag one time, he did a full FLIP over the top rope, and fell the full 10 feet flat onto his back! Right onto that non-shock-absorbing finely milled gray playground gravel. The whole playground stopped suddenly in a hush. Luckly, ol' Andy was only 'shaken up'. "Tower Tag" was immediately banned by the (likely annoyed) teachers who were momentarily distracted from their gossiping near the school doors, and the next September the ol' chainlink tower.... was gone. Just like that.

So yeah, I guess it IS good that some people are seeing the value in un-pussifying the North American schoolyard playground. Ronnie Kerns is probably a stuntman, and Andy Baughman a CEO.

I Hope Two Things Are In the New Star Wars Mid-quel, Or Whatever The F*** They Are Going to Call It

Thing number 1: Another version of Princess Leia in a smoking hot bikini, chained up to some awful space creature.

Forget bringing back the real Carrie Fisher at this point, she's 56 and has ahem, lost quite a bit of ooomph on her fastball. But we can enjoy the vintage Carrie via the miracle of the interwebs.




































Thing 2: An Actual Interlude of "Bad Cop" Stormtroopers, Like THIS!



Everything else, I'm flexible on.

Call Me, Ray Kinsella UPDATE: Now WIth FG Video!

 
So you might remember last year about this time, I went to Home Depot for some marking paint to line out a little football field on my property for the kids to run around on over the Thanksgiving break.

I don't have sons, I have two lovely daughters.

They like football... okay. I suppose.

I try, believe me. But they are a tough sell.

Luckily I have nephews who are football loving boys under the age of 15, so that was enough of an excuse.

As fortune would have it, last year a bunch of other (unrelated) kids staying at a neighbor's house as out of town guests, went walking down the gravel country road that runs behind my house - actually LOOKING for a football game!

Well then, we sure did have some fun.

My brother-in-law-Todd-who-knows-just-enough-about-current-sports-to-be-very-dangerous, was very helpful in gridding out the NFL logo we painted. The weather was perfect. The weekend ended, and I am sure my lovely wife thought: "Well, that's that."

Aw, hell no. Not with this balding, overweight, 44 year old kid.

My mind started turning immediately.

Hmmm.... what if I regraded that little marshy bog that is in the middle of this open area? What if I re-seeded in the spring with some quality turf-type tall fescue? What if I got some PVC pipe  and rigged up some scaled down goalposts?

Well, here we are, one year later.

You'll excuse me if I dab a moist tear from the corner of my eye.

Now, I just need those kids to come walking by again next week. If they do, I think I can say with some confidence: they are going to SHIT themselves.

The grass is in pretty decent shape for Season 1. It got a late seeding in the spring (May 1st) and was going well before it hit the summer wall in mid-June and then got very weedy. We sprayed the weeds on September 1st, then overseeded on October 1st.

I feel confident that by Season 3, this patch of grass is gonna be flat out phenomenal.

The goalposts are 15 feet wide, crossbar of 8 feet high, and the uprights about 20 feet above that. Real NFL goalposts are 18'6" wide, by 10 feet high, with 30 feet of uprights.

These DIY posts are stretching the limits of of PVC because the material is just too flexible to permit going much higher. That said, I think this "scaled down" dimension is actually perfect for backyard enthusiasts. Since you and the kids aren't going to be kicking 40-50 yarders, it doesn't make sense to have regulation size posts.

Now, what has me MEGA excited, is that the boys at Midwest Metal Warehouse - proud sponsors of "Sports with Steve Czaban" on Bob and Brain up in Milwaukee - insisted on whipping up a set of aluminum goalposts with the same dimensions.

Whoo hoo!

When those puppies arrive I will take and post a very proud picture.

The field dimensions are as follows:

Length: A "fake" 100 yards, consisting of 8-yard increments, with 8 yard deep endzones. (You probably noticed there is only 3 hash marks between each 5 yard line).

Width: 30 yards. (Regulation is 53 1/3. )

Ideally, I would have loved to go 40 yards wide for an 80x40 field of play (plus endzones), which would be a nicely scaled down 80% regulation gridiron.

But the dimensions of my property just didn't allow it.

That said, I think this size field is really good for weekend play. It IS big, and you get damn tired running around. But because it's not regulation, the scope doesn't overwhelm you as a frumpy old man.

I used a string line with industrial nails, plus a 300' outdoor measuring reel tape to measure out the lines. I bought a cheap aerosol driven line striper for about $150 on-line. (Did you know professional field stripers can go for $3,000 or more! That would have been divorce territory!)

The numbers and hash marks were made by ordering some field stencils from an on-line athletic supply company. The pylons were about $46 for a set of four.

And I guess I spent about $150 on 3-4 cases of athletic field spray paint.

The NFL shield logo was done like last year. By gridding out an area with string, and then printing the logo on corresponding graph paper. I should have taken photos, but you get the point.

People have already asked me: "How come you didn't do the Redskings logo??

Dood.

Look at it.

That might be the hardest logo to replicate in the damn league. I might wait a few seasons before trying to tackle that one. Next year, however, I think I might tackle the ol' Green Bay Packers "G".

Somebody else: "How about the Dallas star?"
Me: "Not on your fucking life."

So there we are. The only thing left is to sell PSL's for the grassy hillside above the 40 yard line. What do you think I could get for that?

>>>>>>>>>>>>

And for you whipper snappers out there... THIS is Ray Kinsella...