Booo. Redskins. No Praise Here... Booo...

If the Redskins had played a game like the Ravens - hard hitting, smart, but ultimately a loss – against the Patriots, I would come here today with PLENTY of good things to say.

I have never been one to confuse RESULTS, with ANALYSIS.

That said, the analysis of the 2009 Redskins is deservedly harsh. They are a bad team, probably still delusional about their level of talent, and with a QB and coach who are horribly mismatched. Campbell is likely a backup, Zorn no more than a coordinator.

As such, the Skins barely escaped a team that is essentially non-functional.

A team that amassed just 84 yards last week.. and will have to hustle to get 2 wins this year.
A team that missed two field goals.
A team that rolled out.... Josh Johnson.... a guy who looked like a WR, running all-wildcat, all the time. He made exactly two throws of any consequence all day.

It was, without doubt, the WORST first half of football in all phases I've seen since the Norv days.

Jason Campbell completed exactly two passes to a WR. Both to Moss. At one point, I was calling him Jamarcus Campbell. Minus the 1 pass to Moss, Campbell was 11-21, for 101, with 3 INTs (and a 4th one dropped after it hit the umpire in the head) ... as bad if not worse than Josh Johnson

The o-line was so suspect in pass protect, they had to use a lot of 6-7 man protect schemes, so very little was open. If Campbell doens't make those two big runs, and they don't make the 4th and 3... they lose.

Haynesworth played a lot. Didn't seem to do much. I still think he remains a pretty good “prospect” for this team. What? He's being paid how much?

Cadillac Williams had 77 yards on 16 carries... he would have had a monster day if Johnson was even a minimally credible threat with his arm.

Carlos Rodgers continues to be a complete stone-hands DB. Given where he was drafted... I think we can officially call him a disappointment.

Special teams continue to be stunningly lackluster, and un-special. Randle El is easily the worst PR in the league. Misplayed 3 punts badly! Makes an overabundance of fair catches. Blocked XP from a wing player, was something I literally cannot remember seeing EVER in all my years of watching the NFL.

Finally, I hate the culture of this team. Its almost like this has become Clinton's Flag Football team. He paid the entry fee, bought the shirts, and decides when he's gonna play, and how much. If anybody says he “ran hard” or “played well” then you just don't watch football with a very critical eye. Portis routinely got stuffed for no gain. He failed to finish runs for first downs that 80% of the backs in the league would make. His vision and explosiveness are virtually gone at this point. This was a game he should have sat out, instead we gave him “hero carries” and it will almost surely lead to him breaking down even sooner this season.

ON THE PLUS SIDE...

It's a win.
Reed Daughty played great.
The London Fletcher tackling machine continues unabated..
Campbell found some composure in the 2nd half.
DeAngelo Hall made a legitimately game impacting play (bad tackling aside)

Finally, for some perspective...

The Detroit Lions scored more points in LOSING by 24 to the Bears, than the Skins have scored all year.

The SF 49ers dusted the team we barely beat 9-7 by a 35-0 score.

The 1st quarter TD drought continues. That's seven straight games. The sub-30 point drought continues. That's 21 games.

The rest of the season feels like a sentence.

Down In Flames

Ahem.

In the immortal words of Emily Litella.... never mind.

As you know by now, the pervy perp in the Erin Andrews hotel-video-scandal has been nabbed. The case looks pretty airtight.

And I look pretty stupid.

Yeah, my “Unified Alternate Erin Andrews Theory” is down in flames. I shed a small tear just looking at the wreckage, but at least the lovely Erin can sleep better now.

It was a good theory. It was a beautiful theory.

It just happened to be dead wrong.

Am I “sorry” you ask? Hell, no.

It was a theory. I said so, all along. And even though I was convinced of my theory, it's the near obligation of the sports radio host to have theories on things. In fact, it is what we get paid for.

And we are wrong, plenty. Like I was here.

Remember, all along, I never ascribed any motives to Andrews other than an attempt to limit embarrassment. I always thought she was a “victim” of sorts. Only I thought she was the victim of a boyfriend who simply couldn't resist emailing somebody his video booty of her.

It was my producer Solly, who should do some apologizing. He has called her, among other things, “a lying whore.” Ahem. That's HIM, not me.

I've always been a fan of Erin. Solly apparently thinks she only the journalistic equivalent of Mike Wallace should be on the sidelines. Whatever.

Now, on to the FBI complaint against this guy. It is rather jaw-dropping in many ways.

Remember, part of what led me to be so suspicious, was my incredulity that somebody could successfully get Andrews' hotel room number. Isn't that the FIRST, LAST, and CARDINAL RULE of any hotel?

Don't give out room numbers to ANYBODY! From the Four Seasons on down to the seediest Motel 6!

And yet, this guy was not just able to get her room number, but he was able to request a room RIGHT NEXT TO HER! (Methinks Erin will be OWNING a Marriott in her near future.)

From there, he somehow unscrewed the inner eye-piece, hacksawed it down to just a few millimeters of thread, put it back, and then was able to unscrew it quickly, and catch Andrews at just the right time with his cell phone.

Finally, the guy was so stupid, that he actually emailed TMZ to offer the videos for sale. His internet footprints are all over the place, and the complaint lays them out in painstaking detail.

In the end, I suppose I put too much stock in the blanket of no-comment on the case. I should have assumed a full legal hunt was on. I also under-rated the stupidity of creeps like this.

Going forward, I gotta believe hotels will ratchet down their policies on “hey can I get room next to” requests. Plus, they might want to ask a company to design peepholes that cannot in any way be tampered with like this.

If not, then hell, I'm going to start asking for a room next to Megan Fox.

Not Exactly A Blueprint for Winning Football

Michael A emails me an interesting piece of research.

Czabe,

A friend of mine, with obviously too much time on his hands, did the following analysis:

Just for fun, I thought I’d take a look at how the Skins have drafted the past 10 years (2000-2009) and compare them to some of the perennial playoff teams from this past decade.

Total number of picks:
Tennessee – 95 (!)
Philadelphia – 82
Indianapolis – 81
Baltimore – 81
New England – 79
Pittsburgh – 78
NY Giants – 74
Washington – 63

Total number of picks in the first 4 rounds:
Tennessee – 53 (56% of picks are in the first 4 rounds)
Philadelphia – 44 (54%)
New England – 43 (54%)
Indianapolis – 42 (52%)
Baltimore – 42 (52%)
Pittsburgh – 40 (51%)
NY Giants – 40 (54%)
Washington – 27 (43%)

# of offensive linemen drafted (OG+OT+C):
Philadelphia – 17 (21% of all picks were offensive linemen)
New England – 15 (19%)
Baltimore – 15 (19%)
Pittsburgh – 15 (19%)
Indianapolis – 14 (17%)
Tennessee – 13 (14%)
Washington – 8 (13%)
NY Giants – 8 (11%)

# of defensive linemen drafted (DT+DE):
Tennessee – 16 (17% of all picks were defensive linemen)
New England – 14 (18%)
Indianapolis – 14 (17%)
NY Giants – 13 (18%)
Philadelphia – 12 (15%)
Pittsburgh – 12 (15%)
Baltimore – 9 (11%)
Washington – 7 (11%)

# of quarterbacks drafted:
Washington – 7 (11% of all picks were quarterbacks)
Baltimore – 7 (9%)
New England – 5 (6%)
Pittsburgh – 5 (6%)
NY Giants – 4 (5%)
Philadelphia – 3 (4%)
Indianapolis – 2 (3%)
Tennessee!– 1 (1%)

Finally, each teams’ records since 2000 (not including this season):

New England – 102-42-0 (.708) – 6 playoff appearances, 3 Super Bowl titles
Indianapolis – 101-43-0 (.701) – 8 playoff appearances, 1 Super Bowl title
Pittsburgh – 94-49-1 (.653) – 6 playoff appearances, 2 Super Bowl titles
Philadelphia – 92-51-1 (.639) – 7 playoff appearances
Baltimore – 83-61-0 (.576) – 5 playoff appearances, 1 Super Bowl title
Tennessee – 83-61-0 (.576) – 5 playoff appearances
NY Giants – 80-64-0 (.556) – 6 playoff appearances, 1 Super Bowl title
Washington – 66-78-0 (.458) – 2 playoff appearances

In the past 10 years, the Skins have drafted as many quarterbacks as defensive linemen and almost the same number as offensive linemen. The majority of their picks (57%) are in rounds 5-7 (the rounds where a player is less likely to make the club let alone be an impact player). This team really, really needs a true GM to turn this around. I was thinking of doing comparisons to other clubs, but frankly this has depressed me more than I thought it would.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

Meanwhile, George Michael (aka "King George") spent 30 minutes on Mike Wise's radio show, flat out DOWNLOADING on a number of people and things at Redskin Park.

Dan Steinberg of the DC Sports Bog has an excellent synopses of it here, but let me further whittle down Dan's work to the most eye-popping pull quotes.

ON VINNY CERRATO

"Oh, there's no ifs buts or ands," Michael said (about whether Cerrato can evaluate talent). "I mean, I know that for a fact, I know that from other people around the league. Here's the problem Mike--and God, I can't believe I'm telling all this truth--Vinny Cerrato is a ZERO when it comes to public relations and building relationships with people in the world. I'm sorry. My Good God. He doesn't ask why don't people like me, but you've got to go out and you've got to do things....I feel bad that Cerrato has not gone out and tried to build these relationships."

ON SNYDER'S UNPOPULARITY

"You all want to dump it on Dan Snyder," Michael said. "I understand that. I understand that. I don't think Dan does. I don't think he understands why people hate him so. The truth is--and I've got to give you full disclosure, everybody knows that I am friends with Dan Snyder, not in the sense that I'm in the tank for him, but he is a friend, I admit that. But Dan doesn't even understand what he does wrong. He doesn't even understand the things he does wrong. If the fans knew how bad he wants to win, they would go my God, he wants to win as much as I do."

ON WHO MAKES THE CALLS ON PLAYERS

"Let me tell you the truth: Dan does make I think most of those big-type decisions," Michael said. "He says 'Let's get this guy, let's get that guy.' And the guy that takes the heat for it--and it's why I think he's never gotten fired--is Vinny Cerrato. Now, Cerrato's painted as a bozo, but the truth is, what did Vinny Cerrato do for the team? Look at Chris Horton. That's the kind of guy he gets."

ON ZORN'S "WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS" COMMENT

"You have to take gambles, and that's what they did with Zorn," he continued. "Dan Snyder put his name, his stamp, his reputation on Jim Zorn. If Jim doesn't deliver what Dan Snyder thinks is a good deal, then there's no telling when it could end. But I must tell you this, after you lose to the Detroit Lions--and I do personally love this guy Jim Zorn, he's a great guy--you cannot go before the public and say we're making improvements. Dear God, if you're making improvement and losing to the 0-19 Lions, my ass is grass and you're the lawnmower. We're in trouble, baby."

REACT: Strong stuff, strong.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

JIMMY MASTERLOCK

LAST WEEK: 1-3
SEASON: 4-9

Week #4 Picks

New England -2 vs. Baltimore
The Ravens are a bit over-cooked right now. The Chargers basically gave them the game, and other wins against Kansas City and Cleveland should be counted as half-wins. Belichick masterfully morphed into a run-pass balanced offense last week in keeping Matt Ryan and the Falcons in check. Patriots minus a short 2 at home. Been a long time since we've had this good of a deal. PICK: Patriots 23-16.

NY Jets +7 at New Orleans
Rex Ryan's defense is the real deal. Not only are they disruptive up front, with a ton of QB sacks, hits, and knockdowns, but Darrelle Revis is the best cover corner in the league right now. Seven points, too much. PICK: Jets 21-19.

Cincinnati -5.5 at Cleveland
Question: if there was an ATM at a corner bank that was spitting out $100 bills to people who just walked up and hit a button that said "Give Me Money" would you say "that's bullshit" and NOT walk down there to press it youself? No. You would take 5 fucking minutes just to check it out. The Browns are that ATM. Get your ass down there, and stand in line! PICK: Bengals 33-17.

BARKING DOG
Oakland +9.5 at Houston
You have to be a dumpster diving masochist in order to saddle up with Shamu (aka: Jamarcus Russell) and the dysfunctional Raiders. But, this is why the league can be so profitable! Nobody has tabbed the Texans world beaters, and the Raiders actually feel relieved to be away from the boobirds. PICK: Raiders 22-21.