Down In Flames

Ahem.

In the immortal words of Emily Litella.... never mind.

As you know by now, the pervy perp in the Erin Andrews hotel-video-scandal has been nabbed. The case looks pretty airtight.

And I look pretty stupid.

Yeah, my “Unified Alternate Erin Andrews Theory” is down in flames. I shed a small tear just looking at the wreckage, but at least the lovely Erin can sleep better now.

It was a good theory. It was a beautiful theory.

It just happened to be dead wrong.

Am I “sorry” you ask? Hell, no.

It was a theory. I said so, all along. And even though I was convinced of my theory, it's the near obligation of the sports radio host to have theories on things. In fact, it is what we get paid for.

And we are wrong, plenty. Like I was here.

Remember, all along, I never ascribed any motives to Andrews other than an attempt to limit embarrassment. I always thought she was a “victim” of sorts. Only I thought she was the victim of a boyfriend who simply couldn't resist emailing somebody his video booty of her.

It was my producer Solly, who should do some apologizing. He has called her, among other things, “a lying whore.” Ahem. That's HIM, not me.

I've always been a fan of Erin. Solly apparently thinks she only the journalistic equivalent of Mike Wallace should be on the sidelines. Whatever.

Now, on to the FBI complaint against this guy. It is rather jaw-dropping in many ways.

Remember, part of what led me to be so suspicious, was my incredulity that somebody could successfully get Andrews' hotel room number. Isn't that the FIRST, LAST, and CARDINAL RULE of any hotel?

Don't give out room numbers to ANYBODY! From the Four Seasons on down to the seediest Motel 6!

And yet, this guy was not just able to get her room number, but he was able to request a room RIGHT NEXT TO HER! (Methinks Erin will be OWNING a Marriott in her near future.)

From there, he somehow unscrewed the inner eye-piece, hacksawed it down to just a few millimeters of thread, put it back, and then was able to unscrew it quickly, and catch Andrews at just the right time with his cell phone.

Finally, the guy was so stupid, that he actually emailed TMZ to offer the videos for sale. His internet footprints are all over the place, and the complaint lays them out in painstaking detail.

In the end, I suppose I put too much stock in the blanket of no-comment on the case. I should have assumed a full legal hunt was on. I also under-rated the stupidity of creeps like this.

Going forward, I gotta believe hotels will ratchet down their policies on “hey can I get room next to” requests. Plus, they might want to ask a company to design peepholes that cannot in any way be tampered with like this.

If not, then hell, I'm going to start asking for a room next to Megan Fox.