Flawed Execution, Indeed

This, my friends, is called a 99-yard bomb for a touchdown.

Well done, John Tayman. Keep it up.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The “Dilbert” Test

How do you know the Redskins are dysfunctional? Just go down several points from this un-related “Workplace Dysfunction” checklist.

Sign No. 4: Double messages are delivered with a straight face.
Quality and quantity are both job one. You can do it both cheaper and better, just don't ask how. If you're motivated enough you should know already.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: When Vinny Cerrato claims that replacing Zorn as playcaller is really an attempt to give him the tools to help him succeed. Because they want him to succeed very much.


Sign No. 5: History is regularly edited to make executive decisions more correct, and correct decisions more executive than they actually were.
Those huge salaries require some justification.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Gregg Williams. From “heir apparent” to “persona non-grata” because he supposedly “dissed” Joe Gibbs.

Sign No. 6: People are discouraged from putting things in writing.
What is written, especially financial records, is purposely confusing. You can never tell when you might need a little deniability.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Like perhaps Zorn was discouraged from using an actual NFL agent to negotiate his head coaching contract?

Sign No. 7: Directions are ambiguous and often vaguely threatening.
Before you respond to a vague threat, remember this: Virtually every corporate scandal begins with someone saying, "Do it; I don't care how." That person is seldom the one who gets indicted.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Zorn said he was “strongly encouraged” to consider a change in play callers. The threats might not have been so “vague” if Steve Largent was correct about the “show him the contract” statement.

Sign No. 8: Internal competition is encouraged and rewarded.
The word "teamwork" may be batted around like a softball at a company picnic, but in a dysfunctional company the star players are the only ones who get recognition and big bucks.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Sherm Smith gladly jumps in to the playcalling mix as Sherm Lewis' relay-man. Clinton Portis lobbies Zorn to replace Mike Sellers at FB.

Sign No. 9: Decisions are made at the highest level possible.
Regardless of what it is, you have to check with your boss before doing it. She also has to check with her boss.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Nobody doubts this. Only Snyder hides behind others on these decisions. At least Jerry Jones is out there taking credit or blame.

Sign No. 13: You are expected to feel lucky to have a job and know you could lose it if you don't toe the line.
Dysfunctional companies maintain control using the threat of punishment. Most will maintain that they also use positive rewards ... like your paycheck. A few people are actually fired, but most of those who go are driven to quit.
REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Zorn. Zorn. Zorn.

Sign No. 14: Rules are enforced based on who you are rather than what you do.
In a dysfunctional company, there are clearly insiders and outsiders and everyone knows who belongs in each group. Accountability has different meanings depending on which group you're in.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Albert Haynesworth allowed to take Monday off to go back to Tennessee to handle divorce issues.

Sign No. 15: The company fails the Dilbert Test
Dysfunctional organizations have no sense of humor. People who post unflattering cartoons risk joining the ranks of the disappeared. When an organization loses the ability to laugh at itself, it is headed for big trouble. If you'd get in trouble for printing this article and posting it on the bulletin board at work, maybe it's time to look for another job before this one drives you crazy.

REDSKINS EXAMPLE: Ring-a-ding-DING! Nothing describes the Snyder led Skins more accurately than this.

Monday Night Eyesore

Sorry America.

You should not have been forced to watch that.

It didn't help that the Eagles played like shit most of the night too.

But until the NFL starts letting both Sunday night and Monday night football “flex out” of games, these things are going to happen.

Bad news, good news though.

Bad: Skins vs. Giants on Monday Night Football AGAIN from FedEx on December 21.

Good: Skins vs. Cowboys on Sunday Night Football AGAIN from FedEx on December 27th.

THANK GOD FOR FLEX SCHEDULING! You can kiss that game's ass goodbye on NBC's list!

I watched the game at Andy Pollin's crib, so I could then zip 5 minutes back to the radio station at midnight, get 5 crappy hours on the oversized chair/ottoman in my office, and feel semi-human for my morning show. As such, we had fun doing the radio show we could never do on the air, sitting on his living room couch.

Andy was telling me during the game: “to be fair, the play calling HAS been better.” I said: “Compared to WHAT? We don't even know the plays!” He then said the offense “looked better.” I said “what about all the sacks?” That's part of the offense, too. What about the lack of a running game? Uh huh. Abysmal line play, is also part of “the offense.”

Which brings me to my gripe about the ESPN announcers playing excuse maker for the Skins “D.” I believe at one point, somebody said: “Aside from the big plays, the defense has been solid.” And as the old saying goes: “So Mrs. Lincoln, aside from that, how was the play?” I'm sorry to be a prick here, but I could consider a 69 yard end around for a touchdown in the 1st quarter when the D is most “fresh”..... BA D DEFENSE! I would also consider a 3rd and 24, pump and go TD on Carlos “Stone Hands” Rodgers, really fucking BAD DEFENSE!

Like hotel room service, EVERY play your defense gives up, ENDS UP ON YOUR BILL at the end of the night. Period.

Devin Thomas wore just one eye patch. This is what I call “Gangsta Gay.” You are sooo cool dude.

Ditto Chris Cooley and his dyed hair. Yeah, Monday Night football! Let's all desperately grab for attention!

I've had enough of Gruden. At one point, he said DeAngelo Hall had really “stepped up his game” to be a much better “all around” football player. Yep. Sure has. Another time, Gruden gushed about how Haynesworth was playing hard deep into the 2nd half, with the team down by 17 points. Made it sound loosely heroic. Gruden failed to mention that for Al's outrageous contract, that should be the norm. He also failed to mention Al missed much of the 3rd quarter with another ouchie to his leg.

You would think – THINK – that after Randle El took one of the facemask Deion-Style, that it would FINALLY end the long, pointless run of #82 returning punts. It did. For a few punts. Then he was back. This defies explanation. I officially give up. Just let him return everything. What do I care?

Can somebody please call Joe Gibbs. Ask him: “Um, what do we do now with the QB you got for us on an impulse purchase when you were supposed to just look at Carlos Rodgers? Because we're pretty much at the end of the road here with the guy. He's a backup.”

But hey, it was worth a 1st rounder, a 3rd and a 5th for him. Especially when he sat for a year and a half behind your limp-noodled, church-pew buddy Mark Brunell.

I can't wait to hear Vinny Cerrato claim that with a 17 point outburst (ignore that garbage TD, folks) his decision to go with Sherm Lewis has been vindicated. Watch for it. It is coming.

Did Jim Zorn look like a lost, wet dog on the sideline, or what? He was bearing down on that playsheet, making notes. Not that the Sherms will actually listen to what those notes are during the bye week. “Look here, flat-top. We're in charge now!”

At one point, Ron Jawarski said he was surprised at how watching Saturday practice the Skins showed little energy, or “sense of urgency.” Jaws sounded surprised. This is the first time I ever thought to myself: “Jaws... is an IDIOT!” I mean, I love the guy, and he really knows quarterbacking and X's and O's... but honestly. This was a surprise? On what level, exactly?

Zorn has 9 more games to “fake coach” on the sideline, and tiptoe around saying something that will void his contract during the week. Gonna be a long finish, folks.

The Following Occurred To Me While Watching the NFL on Sunday...

Idle thoughts by me, watching Red Zone Channel with my boyee Andrew Siciliano on the 102” main screen, and then the following games on my flanking twin Vizio 60” plasmas:

Right Screen
“A” (primary) Game: Packers at Browns
“B” (“Last channel” alternate) Game: Chargers at Chiefs

Left Screen
“A” (primary) Game: Vikings at Packers
“B” (“Last channel” alternate) Game: 49ers at Texans

So here we go...

Mike Singletary is wearing a stopwatch and a huge wooden Jesus cross around his neck. Doesn't the NFL prohibit outside the shirt jewelery and such? Besides, what is he, Catholic? Hey kids, looks like communion is running 1:43:12 too long. Let's bolt!

UPDATE: Dammit! Sports By Brooks already beat me to this one, with a much better “Singletary Trusts in Jesus, Accusplit Timing.”

Mario Williams makes a big play. How come we don't absolve Charlie Casserly for making the right call on him vs. both Reggie Bush AND Vince Young? Sorry for doubting, Chuck. Could you please come back to the Redskins?

Colts rookie Donald Brown explodes for a big gain against the woeful Rams. Donald Driver does the same on a long TD pass and run against the pathetic Browns. Later in the day, I would watch Miles Austin cross and burst for a big TD early against the Falcons. Lesson here? Simple. If you are an offensive player in the NFL, you are either EXPLOSIVE or you are not. It's that basic. The Redskins have no explosive offensive players. Portis was, like, 5 years ago. Santana Moss is explosive only in a straight downfield capacity. Everyone else? Eh.

Speaking of not explosive, it's now comical how impotent Ladanian Tomlinson now is near the goal line. Remember when he was bitching about Sproles getting it down there, instead of him? Uh huh. Norv fed LT 4 consecutive times inside the 3, as they were comfortably ahead. Quadruple-fail. Sad.

I understand Arrowhead is an aging building currently undergoing an expensive re-vamp. I noticed their replay screen is a big, nice, shiny, widescreen hi-def sucker. Dan Snyder's stadium is much newer than Arrowhead. It has a shrimpy 4x3 analog. Yeah. I'm sure he's working on that upgrade as we speak. Right.

Ooooh! Look at that! Random Packers TE makes big run and catch for a TD! Who was ol' #41? Spencer Havner? Who the.... Former UCLA LINEBACKER!? For Redskins fans who have watched alleged TE "stud", Mackey Award winner, and 2nd round pick Fred Davis do absolutely nothing, this is quite infuriating.

Speaking of #41, is that not the most RANDOM and under-used numbers in NFL history? I am having a hard time thinking of anybody of note who wore #41. Oh, thank god for the internet! Lookie here! Website! Charlie Waters, Eugene Robinson, and Terrance Newman!

Stat Alert: The Patriots had an 80-0 “run” ended when Tampa lucked into their only TD on a long pass. It's the longest “run” spanning multiple games since the '85 Bears.

More Redskins Bitching: Sorry, but I need to get this off my mind. So the Rams, Bucs, and Chiefs have all played the Redskins. We caught all of these teams AT HOME, too. So, lets see. We scored 9, 16, and 6 against them. At the half, the Colts, Patriots, and Chargers led those scab teams on Sunday by a combined 62-10. ON THE ROAD! The Redskins were SHUT-OUT at halftime by both the Bucs and Chiefs. These three awful teams allowed an AVERAGE of 38 points Sunday. We averaged 10 against them. This is NOT because Jim Zorn's play calling is sub-par. This is because your team is no good, your scheme is crap, and your players are either old, overpaid, or untalented. Or all three. Vinny Cerrato, you suck. Okay. I feel better now.

These London games are a total waste. Roger Goodell says there could be a franchise in London in less than 10 years. Sure there could. And I could learn to dunk on a 10 foot rim if I just keep going with P90x. Uh huh. I would love to know what percentage of the crowd at Wembly are UK natives? I'll bet anybody, that the crowd is 50% Americans working over there, if not more. But hey, maybe we WILL someday see the London Jaguars. Here's a nutty idea. There are plenty of AMERICAN cities of decent size, with college stadiums, that would love to have a real NFL game once in a while. Charity should begin at home.

Oh, look up in the sky! DirecTV has enough money for a fucking blimp. But won't pay to resolve the Versus dispute. Suck it, DirecTV. I'm calling for some free shit tomorrow. Get your customer ass-kissers ready. You may record that call for your "training purposes" but you're gonna want to burn it unless you want 118 operators to call in sick the following day.

I thought Jeff Reed's tackle attempt on Percy Harvin was the most pathetic football play I've ever seen. Then Favre packed it in on the final backbreaking INT. Seriously, the dude just retracted his legs from underneath himself while running. Almost like a plane retracting its landing gear. Or one of those toy dolls where you push the bottom button and the figure on top goes totally limp. NOTE: The effort on the strip-fumble-TD wasn't exactly stellar either. But hey: “He's a gunslinger!”

Little Things That You May Have Noticed Too, Because You Are Smart Attentive Football Fans Also...

Adrian Peterson is a stud. No news there. But he made a move that was rather incredible in its own subtlety. Bearing down in the open field on Ryan Clark, he lowered his body into the “missile” position. So did Clark. Yet at the last second, instead of absorbing the blow, Peterson yawed slightly to the right, only getting nicked, and picking up another yard in the process. Sweet.

Troy Polamalu knifed through the line on a goal-line stand to crush #38 for the Vikings and blow up the play. That full package of instinct, speed, game knowledge, and power doesn't come installed on 99% of players at his position.

Pierre Garcon's name on his jersey has a little squiggle under the “c.” Details. Nice.

Chris Henry caught an easy touchdown, cutting back against the flow in the endzone. The he casually flipped the ball to the ref. I almost fell out of my chair. Imagine that. A wideout with an appropriate reaction to a lollipop TD catch.

Jets special teams coach Mike Westhoff calls a (successful) fake punt on his own 20 against the Raiders in the first half. To quote Dabney Coleman in Dragnet: “You've got balls the size of church bells...”