Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Manti T'eo: Grab a Snickers, Everyone

Okay, a few thoughts. And my head is pretty melted right now, like everyone else.

1. Holy SHIT!

2. Bwhahahahahahahahaaaahahahah!

3. Okay, look. Seriously. Please God, NOBODY do anything stupid right now. This is a major shitstorm, but it too shall pass. No crimes have been committed. We *think*. Someday, we will all laugh our asses off about it. Please, please, please, God, nobody involved here succumb to the white hot spotlight of modern media controversy, and decide it's too much to handle. We're one gunshot from a horrible, horrible angle to all of this.

4. If T'eo has other "secrets" then let's give him space to sort them out, and decide what he wants to reveal and how. He has no need, no obligation right now, to do anything other than stand behind his statement, as bullshit as it may seem. Until the NFL combine, or even the draft, he only has an obligation to whatever team might be stupid enough willing to draft him, to come clean with the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

5. The modern media (sports included, obviously) is a pathetic, contemptible, lazy, corrupt lot. To the core. Not a single one of them decided to get a hold of this magical woman. Not for a single quote. Not a single photo. No family members. Nothing. For several YEARS! These are not reporters, they are repeaters. Good at repeating whatever they saw on the Twitter feed, whatever somebody else wrote, or just whatever. Repeat, repeat, repeat. This is the 9/11 of sports journalism. Complete catastrophe. This was NOT some obscure linebacker at BYU!

6. Deadspin should win a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

7. Notre Dame will never live this down. Ever.

8. The art of snarky signmaking on ESPN's College Gameday is about to go a whole new level.

9. Tom Rinaldi should still, AB-SO-LUTELY do a tear-jerking, piano-keys-tinkling, soft-focus-sob-story about Lennay Kukua anyway. It's what she would have wanted. You know... if she, uh, existed. I've even got the opening line.... "Lennay Kukua was the perfect girlfriend...."

10. Gonna be a long, long, long ass time before we see a sports story more fucked up from A-Z than this one. Hoo, boy.

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