Somebody Even Dumber Than This Guy

Oh irony, it is sweet, and delicious.

In this very blogospace you may have read my opinion regarding Roger Goodell's draconian suspension of Big Ben Roethlisberger over alleged - yet wholly unproven - sexual assault accusations.

I said, at the time, and maintain today, that Roger's gavel-happy powerlust has already severely outkicked his intellectual coverage.

Many disagreed with me on the Big Ben 6-gamer being too harsh, because they simply can't hold two seemingly opposing notions to both be true at the same time.

To these critics, their simple conclusion was: "Big Ben is a drunken idiot, and he deserves to be suspended." (White guy logic). For others, it was "Black guys have been getting suspended, what about the double standard?" (Black guy logic).

Yet here's the key concept that seems hard for many to grasp: I think Big Ben is indeed a drunken idiot AND Roger Goodell's suspension is a meritless and dangerous precedent of NFL discipline.

Yes, both are true!

They do not cancel each other out!

I think Big Ben probably raped that girl in the Milledgeville bathroom, and yet there's no way to suspend him without so much as even a single charge filed, much less a guilty plea or conviction.

Roger Goodell got caught up in a feelgood, righteous moment, and somehow mistook it for POLICY!

True policy, as in "this is our policy on that"... rests on measurable guidelines, benchmarks, and precedent. Terms are spelled out in concrete and simple language, and made transparent to those subject to said policy well in advance.

Goodell is running the league's principals office on a whim! The player conduct "policy?" Policy?

The current NFL player conduct policy says - in essence - if you embarrass the league with criminal, near-criminal, or unsavory activity, we might just suspend you.

This would be akin to Best Buy having a return "policy" that says you are entitled to a full refund if "you have a good reason, and ask nicely."

So here we are, at the big ol' birthday cake of delicious, "what-do-I-do-now" irony for Goodell.

1. Vince Young attacked a dude like a pit bull in a strip club pisser.

2. Michael Vick went to a birthday bash where one his fellow dogfighting felons (Don't call him a "snitch", that's my man, Q!) just happened to get SHOT outside da club. Vick said he had already scrambled out of the birthday pocket, and delivered a one-hop incompletion before going to bed, so he thinks he's cool on this one.

3. And the president of the Detroit Lions got pulled over for driving with the equivalent BAC of an intravenous drip of Jack Daniels.

Well, there goes your summer, Roger!

Have fun with each decision. I am sure they will be equitable, smartly argued, and ultimately help protect your league's squeaky clean image.