Wake Up, Barry

They say success has a thousand fathers and failure is an orphan.

This is true.

What happened wrong in the BP oil well spill, is enough to fill non-stop Congressional investigations for years. And I am sure it will.

Lot of blame. Lot of oil. Not going to touch either one.

Obama is our self-described "ass kicker" in chief, so let's just see how ol' arugula-mom-jeans-foof-thrower is doing.

Sucks.

And you thought Bush was bad in Katrina. Ha.

Initially after this disaster, I gave Obama a pass on criticism. Bush was vilified absurdly for things well beyond his control, and I wasn't going to be a hypocrite and rip Obama for not canceling every little event on his schedule just to pick up tar blobs on the beach.

But at this point, holy crap, Barry, pull your head out of your ass dude!

I will blast Obama for one thing, and one thing only. This is it.

THE GUY HADN'T MET WITH THE CEO OF BP UNTIL JUST THIS WEEK!

Are you f'ing kidding me?

Something like this, our president can only do so much. He's not Aquaman. But not having run a country myself, here is what I think I would have done in Week 1.

a. Tell my staff to bring me the 5 most expert, independent deep sea oil drilling engineers.
b. Tell the CEO of BP to get his ass to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave ASAP.
c. Have one big fucking meeting in which, I, as president, make sure to remind everybody around the table: "Look, don't bullshit me!"

Take all of the info you gather, and get a plan. Don't piss off BP, because you now need their ass to help you fix this. But don't coddle them either.

So why then, didn't our country's CEO, Barry, decide to meet with BP's CEO for something this basic?

Oh, because our Teleprompter King was too "smart" for that ol' ploy.

"My experience is when you talk to a guy like a BP CEO, he's going to say all the right things to me. I'm not interested in words. I'm interested in actions."

REACT: Oh, your "experience?" Your experience at, what, exactly? Community organizing? Christ. What a joke. The same guy who wants to have dialogue with foreign dictators, suddenly doesn't think a meeting with the CEO of BP will be productive as the entire Gulf of Mexico turns into a fudge sundae.

You know who would have been a real ace of an asset in the White House right now?

A vice president with executive experience, from the state with the most oil production in the country.

Oh, wait. Never mind.

But she's stupid, and Barry's smart, or at least that's what one sports writer I know argued with me during the election. A sportswriter whose big resume item is ghostwriting a book with Shaq.

He was beyond certain that becoming governor of Alaska - and running the state - took virtually no brains, but that covering the NBA made him an intellectual.

Whatever.

I shudder to think what Barry will be like when a real crisis emerges. Something a little more complicated, fast moving, and difficult than a big oil zit on the ocean floor.

I hope we never have to find out.